I’m trying to help DS aged 10. Right from when he was a toddler he has stood out as being different from his peers on a number of points but didn’t seem to “fit” with any standard definition of neurodiversity. School said they haven’t seen any signs of ND when previously asked. However, I’m increasingly suspicious something may be at play, and wondering if perhaps some things have been masked/ not noticed among a very disruptive and challenging year group. Could he have ADD/ADHD, could there be something else going on, or is it just “being a 10 year old?”
He’s a daydreamer, liable to zone out, and very easily distracted. Out of school, his focus is APPALLING. He wears headphones in class as he says he’s distracted by chatter. (He IS in a very challenging disruptive class according to his teachers). His level of focus in school varies depending on his level of interest – e.g. super focused in maths which he finds easy and loves, less focused in history which he doesn’t like due to “all the reading”. Teachers have not previously noticed a concerning lack of focus, he is not at all disruptive, and he is performing as expected or better in classes. However, this year’s teachers are noticing a lack of focus in some classes where he is starting to find things harder.
He's very disorganised and forgetful. “I’m very good at forgetting things” is a favourite phrase.
He’s very active. The only time he’s still is when watching TV – if left unchecked he would sit there for hours. He stands rather than sits when playing on his PC, and prefers to use a standing desk in school. Loves sports, but struggles to stand still and wait his turn; he has to be DOING something (swimming widths in swimming lessons, doing push ups while waiting for his go at tennis). Even at baby/toddler classes he was always the only one crawling off exploring rather than joining in. This doesn’t seem to be a problem at school though, and he is able to sit still in his classes.
He's very sensitive and cries easily, and is extremely worried about getting into trouble/being told off, even though he’s never been in significant trouble at school. He used to be terrified of going outside when it was windy – it was a proper phobia which worsened during lockdown, and we really struggled with it for a long time. He complains a lot about minor injuries, although he isn't afraid to throw himself around during sports. He has a strong sense of right/wrong (very black and white) and gets disproportionately upset when he thinks he has been unfairly treated.
He is a perfectionist and really pushes himself – he’s very hard on himself when he doesn’t do as well as he thinks he should, either in sports, gaming or schoolwork, and gets very angry , even hitting himself.
He's always been terrible at getting to sleep, and still needs me there with him at bedtime. Gets very anxious about the big questions (what happens when I die/ is the world a simulation/what's the meaning of life). He’s having counselling for this – his counsellor says he has a “very busy brain” and she is also suspicious that there may be some ND at play.
We are working on helping him with all of the above. But I don’t know if I should be pushing the school/ the GP more on this to help him access more support. Any thoughts from those with experience would be very gratefully received!