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Original poster

DS will not go to sleep without me there at night is this normal

24 replies

DebbieSWFC · 06/05/2008 14:37

Once he is asleep he will not wake up until about 6-6.30am . My DH says that we should be able to leave him awake in bed but he is only 2.5. Should I be worried.

OP posts:
SpinsterinScotland · 06/05/2008 15:00

Why are you sad that your two year old sleeps until 6.30 am? Sounds pretty good to me

My DS is 2.10 and I have to lie on the floor next to his bed until he is asleep which can take 10 mins up to about two hours.

Is not ideal but I am just so glad that he sleeps at all!

Depends what they know. DS was fed to sleep as a baby so associates me being there with sleep. It's taken a while to get him to sleep in his own bed. I am working up to leaving the room at some point so he can get to sleep on his own.

I wouldn;t worry, sounds normal to me but others may be more helpful

TigerFeet · 06/05/2008 15:01

totally normal

but may take a bit of work to break the habit

are you a Sheffield Wednesday fan Debbie?

Original poster
DebbieSWFC · 06/05/2008 15:20

Yes Tigerfeet I am for my sins. Have no finger nails left after this weekend.

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bodiddly · 06/05/2008 15:24

my ds goes through stages of this ... he used to go down on his own without any problem but at the moment one of us has to sit with him until he is either asleep or getting sleepy - it was triggered by him being in a strange bedroom on holiday. Our latest trick is to stay a short while then say we are just popping downstairs to the loo and that we will be back in a minute. He is starting to twig on to that though as he keeps saying we should be using the upstairs loo as it would be quicker! At the end of the day if your ds is calm and you dont mind doing it I don't really see the harm. I think it is preferable to having a screaming child that doesn't sleep well personally!

Original poster
DebbieSWFC · 06/05/2008 15:25

I should not be sad that he only sleeps until 6am. I tried to leave him awake but gave in after two hours of crying. He was sweating and could hardly talk by the end. I wonder if he will just grow out of it.

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fondant4000 · 06/05/2008 15:31

My dd still needs me until she goes to sleep - she's 5. I don't mind, it only takes about 10 mins. It used to take about 20mins-30mins when she was 2.

TigerFeet · 06/05/2008 15:38

fingernails - me neither (Blackpool fan)

sleeping - he may well grow out of it. tbh if you are happy sitting with him for the time being then I would leave things as they are. My dd is now 3.10 and we've spent the last couple of months sorting out her night waking but she still likes someone with her while she goes to sleep. I have progressed from sitting on her bed to sitting outside her bedroom door so it's easier as I can read a book while she drops off. It's much easier to reason with and explain things to a nearly 4yo so imo it's easier to leave things until your ds is a bit older.

Original poster
DebbieSWFC · 06/05/2008 15:38

It is just my DH who seems to think we should leave him. He has spoken to some of his friends who say he should not need us with him.

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 06/05/2008 15:40

It depends what you have taught him and how you feel about staying with him until he is asleep.

If you have always been there, yes he will need you there unless you break that association.

If you are fine with things as they are, your husband's friends should STFU and butt out - your baby, your business. It's certainly not harming your son in any way.

If you want things to change, at this age I would recommend very gentle gradual withdrawal.

Heifer · 06/05/2008 15:41

Well sorry to be bearer of bad news but my DD is 4.4 and not yet grown out of it!

The most we have processed is after being with her for around 3 mins of proper lying down time, I am now able to to the toilet for 5 mins or so and then come back to her. I then go again a few mins later and keep doing this until she is asleep.

She is getting better but is a very slow process (not helped by the fact that my DH often falls asleep on her fall before her and therefore breaks the leaving the room habbit!

TigerFeet · 06/05/2008 15:43

agree with colditz - it's no-one's business but yours

how long do you have to sit with him? Is it just at bed time or through the night as well? In our case, I can cope with staying with her at bedtime but it was the night wakings and staying with her at 11pm, 2am, 3am, 5am every night that was the problem.

Blu · 06/05/2008 15:44

I think it is totally normal to stay with a toddler while they get to sleep (though I know I am of the 'lax parnting' school, here!) - and also - unfortunately - normal fro 2 year-olds to wake and be lively and ready to chat at 6am. There is nothing they can do to stop themselves waking up, somake the best of the nice light mornings and get on with your day, too. DS did start to sleep later once he got to about 3 or 4.

Original poster
DebbieSWFC · 06/05/2008 15:46

I feel quite pathetic now . I only have to stay with him for about 45mins - 1hr. Then he does not wake up until morning.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 06/05/2008 15:48

Can you talk to him at all? Depending on his language skills, I would tell him how he is a big boy, his favourite teddy will hug him all night, etc. Get some books about kids going to sleep by themselves and go over them with him.

Since you ask, no, it's not 'normal' - in the sense that the vast majority of 2.5 year olds don't expect parents to stay in the room as they fall asleep.

CoteDAzur · 06/05/2008 15:49

Not to say you have to change things if you are happy with staying there for 45 mins every night, of course.

TigerFeet · 06/05/2008 15:52

No need to feel pathetic

It is very easy to be swayed by the opinion of anyone who sees fit to stick their nose in. That's what MN is for... you can come on here and be told that yes, actually, you were doing fine all along

I think 6 o'clock wakings would finish me off completely - I like my sleep - in all of dd's sleeping shenanigans she has never been an early riser I'm glad to say. So I sympathise with that. Every child is different and what bothers every parent is different.

Original poster
DebbieSWFC · 06/05/2008 15:53

He does understand most things now so I think he would know what I was telling him. He just does not like been on his own in his room.

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Blu · 06/05/2008 16:10

Well, LOTS of toddlers have parents who stay with them! Amongst families I know, anyway.

1 hour is a long time out of your evening, though. And there was a time when I realised that Ds was staying awake because I was there - ie. he was enjoying my company.

There is a tecnique for slowly withdrawing. Not sure if i have all the details correct, but if you generally cuddle him, then change to sitting next to the bed instead. Do that for a few nights, then further away, then right by the door, then tell him you are just outside. Taking a couyple of weeks - but being consistent about each stage.

Otherwise, do it Supernanny style, explain, put to bed, say night night, put him back to bed without comment each time he gets up...apparantly that technique takes about 3 nights!

Blu · 06/05/2008 16:12

Or you could try leaving him lisyening to a story tape, and with a night light on.

Some of DS's 6 year-old friends still have a story tape and the light on.

TigerFeet · 06/05/2008 16:26

My sister had a story tape on until she was about 7 or 8 iirc

I'd be wary of starting it though - my Mum decided that a story tape was the answer to our problems and then we were up two or three times a night putting the flipping thing back on again if she woke in the night.

She does have a night light though, we fed her a story about it being a magic light that will keep her safe

fondant4000 · 06/05/2008 20:50

I don't think 'most' 2.5 year olds go to sleep on their own - but maybe that's just the lax parenting going on in my area

45 mins is v. tedious, but it probably will get less of it's own accord. I use a lullaby tape, which seems to help.

If it's a case of not liking the dark, I put some fairy lights up in dd's room which helped.

Only recently have children been expected to sleep on their own. My dad was from a large family and none of them slept on their own. In fact even as an adult he's not keen on sleeping on his own!

I always shared a room with my brother, so never slept on my own. I think people often forget that maybe they were not sleeping on their own at 2.5

CoteDAzur · 06/05/2008 21:26

Before MN, the only time I ever heard of a parent staying in DC's room until he goes to sleep was in a Super Nanny episode.

Nothing will surprise me on MN, though. Not since I realized there are about a dozen of MNers who don't use shampoo

Rosieglow · 06/05/2008 21:49

My DD is wanting us to stay with her until she's asleep at the moment. She had a phase like this when she first went into a big bed and I did the gradual withdrawing business like Blu says above. I would sit outside the door reading until she stopped asking if I was still there then tip toe off. After about 2 weeks I could just say "I'll just be on the landing or in our room" and she'd be OK with that.

I think she's started up again now because she's finding it weird to go to sleep when it's light outside - she doesn't believe it's bed time.

ANyway, I think it's pretty normal for a 2.5 y.o. to want you there - they love you don't they? Why would they want your cuddles all day and then not want them at night?

You've just got to convince them that your not far away, you haven't left them and they're safe in bed and then hope it's a phase they grow out off. That's my reasoning anyway.

Original poster
DebbieSWFC · 06/05/2008 22:55

Thanks all

This has been very useful conversation. At least I know now that I am not on my own.

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