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Original poster

Poo withholding 2 year old is making our lives unbearable

5 replies

Edenmum2 · 20/01/2025 21:25

It's so awful, she's always struggled (we thought constipation but now it's clear that she's holding, and she won't let it out until it basically forces its way. Literally tries to hold it in with her hands. Doc has prescribed laxatives and they make it soft but all the determined holding means a bit leaks out constantly and she is red raw down there now.

She is (was) such a happy girl, and now she's just miserable, I'm so at a loss. I've tried everything, she will sit on a potty (sometimes) but doesn't want to anymore. We read books, watched poo goes to Pooland, watch videos of animals pooing (at her request), she watches us poo, I've tried bribes, treats that she really wants but she just keeps saying that she doesn't want to poo. No amount of reasoning, empathising or occasional frustration is making any difference. Tomorrow we will try not mentioning at all but she is in such obvious pain it's next to impossible.

Last night she tried so hard to keep in she actually threw up everywhere. It's insane. I've never known such stubbornness.

It's starting to drive me crazy. I want to cry all the time, I don't have a second to think about myself because everything revolves around her poo. I feel like I'm losing my mind and also my gorgeous girl who never used to have a care in the world.

I feel like I have to stop the laxatives until her bum heals up but don't want another build up. She just went 6 straight days of holding and I just can't keep doing it. It's hell.

Just venting really but if anyone did find any magic answers then please do share. I'm starting to feel myself getting annoyed with her and the guilt is too much.

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Sonolanona · 21/01/2025 22:18

My eldest was a poo withholder, though not quite as drastic as your daughter.
We found that though the softner laxatives helped a bit, she needed stimulant ones so that she simply could not hold it in as long. She also needed to go back in nappies as the potty/loo was an absolute no go. We had to absolutely not mention it.
We discovered that she needed a hiding place to poo (her chosen place was behind the garden shed which was a pain over winter ) and if we saw her doing the poo dance we'd just throw a coat on her and let her out, like a puppy.
The combo of stimulants and taking all the pressure off gradually improved things.
When we removed the nappies again she started withholding again, so we used to lift her just before our own bed time and pop her on the loo half asleep and she would then poo... too relaxed to hold it in.
It took a long time, I think she was 6 when we stopped lifting her but then she was fine.
Are you under a constipation consultant? I'm guessing you've been on the ERIC website and read the advice there. I'd be pushing for stimulants and she might even need disimpacting (not nice but sometimes needed... my youngest had bowel problems due to a medical issue and he needed hospital disimpaction )

You will get through this, but god it's awful, I remember it so well.

Original poster
Edenmum2 · 22/01/2025 16:03

Sonolanona · 21/01/2025 22:18

My eldest was a poo withholder, though not quite as drastic as your daughter.
We found that though the softner laxatives helped a bit, she needed stimulant ones so that she simply could not hold it in as long. She also needed to go back in nappies as the potty/loo was an absolute no go. We had to absolutely not mention it.
We discovered that she needed a hiding place to poo (her chosen place was behind the garden shed which was a pain over winter ) and if we saw her doing the poo dance we'd just throw a coat on her and let her out, like a puppy.
The combo of stimulants and taking all the pressure off gradually improved things.
When we removed the nappies again she started withholding again, so we used to lift her just before our own bed time and pop her on the loo half asleep and she would then poo... too relaxed to hold it in.
It took a long time, I think she was 6 when we stopped lifting her but then she was fine.
Are you under a constipation consultant? I'm guessing you've been on the ERIC website and read the advice there. I'd be pushing for stimulants and she might even need disimpacting (not nice but sometimes needed... my youngest had bowel problems due to a medical issue and he needed hospital disimpaction )

You will get through this, but god it's awful, I remember it so well.

Thanks so much for your reply, yes we have Senna which is a stimulant so maybe up that a bit? It's so psychological with her which is what makes it so hard. She doesn't seem to worry about it all until it's actually time to do one, I'm really hoping that once she does a few without her bum being sore then she'll get over it. I really can't cope with the thought of it going on for years.

How do you know if there's impaction? Would it just be by xray? Her tummy is still nice and soft at the moment, she's never had a massive appetite and has never really pooed every day so it's really hard to tell when she's backed up.

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Original poster
Edenmum2 · 22/01/2025 16:06

We're not under a consultant as it's only really been happening since just before Xmas

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InDogweRust · 22/01/2025 17:43

Are you and DH open about your own toileting habits? Take her in the loo with you, let her see you poo. Ime children initially hide & hold poo because they think only they do it. Then they continue because holding has made it hurt & their bowel is stretched. Normalise it, joke about farts and make sure she knows and sees that you all poo. And accept you'll probably need several months of something like movicol to allow her bowel to shrink down & for her to learn good habits without being in pain.

InDogweRust · 22/01/2025 17:44

Oh if only before christmas its early days. Make sure she has stool softeners to ensure there isn't hard poo that will hurt to come out & have her drink loads.

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