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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does 16 month old know he is being naughty??

21 replies

chocbutton · 04/05/2008 19:20

This may sound like a daft question, but DS is doing certain things repeatedly which we have said 'no' to quite firmly - for eg, pulling on the wire for the lamp, putting his fingers in the hinges of the door, spitting milk on the floor. Usually when we say no he is quite good and responds, but lately he is just laughing and doing it even more!
I have tried ignoring him, telling him off loudly, taking him away firmly etc but what else can I try? Shouted at him this evening really loudly and now feel mean

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Joash · 04/05/2008 19:21

errr - NO!! Sounds like he's probably doing it because he likes the attention though.

tassisssss · 04/05/2008 19:22

i think they maybe understand more than we realise at this age...

tassisssss · 04/05/2008 19:23

top strategy is to distract IMO...so say no and then do the manic "look, there's a bird/dog/let's go and see daddy" etc

DebatingAnother · 04/05/2008 19:24

I think they start to learn to push the boundaries. My DS (16mo) does 'naughty' things like you describe, I tell him off with a firm 'No', he giggles and does it again.

I was at mum's the other day and he was pulling her cat's tail, I told him off and he stopped doing it but mum was watching and said the SECOND i turned away, he slyly reached out an pulled the cat's tail again!

Just continue telling him No.

cosima · 04/05/2008 19:25

has he read trial and retribution?

accessorizequeen · 04/05/2008 19:27

No, IMO and he's not being naughty anyway. He's just exploring his boundaries. DS2 is 16 months and does the same kind of things. I do find it a lot easier to deal with 2nd time around though! Wherever possible remove the temptation (e.g. move the lamp out of his way, take the milk off him) and say no firmly as you do it. He'll get the message after a while as long as you're consistent, but he'll still keep trying it on with lots of other things (until he's, what, 18?)

JoyS · 04/05/2008 19:27

Put the cord for the lamp where he can't reach it, get a door stop and ignore the milk spitting. He does not know what naughty is at this age, he's just experimenting with his world. I really think the only thing you can do is move anything dangerous out of reach and ignore everything else.

Don't worry about shouting at him once, he won't remember it! Just keep telling yourself he's only a baby, he just wants to know what things are and how they work and he's not doing anything on purpose to make you upset.

biglips · 04/05/2008 19:28

yes they know when they are naughty at this age... as this was a difficult age for me as dd was forever throwing tantrums adn being naughty...it carried on for 3 months and then it stopped as she knew she was pushing her luck.

Just shout "no" and once he understands the word..he will eventually stop.

Original poster

chocbutton · 04/05/2008 19:33

He does do the sidling up to something in full view of both of us (like putting his fingers in the door) and then does it. I don't really think he is naughty, just checking what he can get away with, its just that the answer to that seems to be anything!

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thehouseofmirth · 04/05/2008 19:38

Completely agree with JoyS. It's just experimentation & frankly if you start hollering ""No at every undesirable act you'll soon get a sore throat and the word will lose its potency. With toddlers you really need to learn to pick your battles. I did find with my DS acknowledging his feelings helped so "I know it's fun to do X but it's dangerous/the cat doesn't like it etc so why don't why do Y instead?".

reikizen · 04/05/2008 19:43

I agree with the above. My two tips for the top are make it easy on yourself and remove all items like lamps, pot plants etc which previously you thought were normal additions to a home but now are magnets for mischief and if you can't ignore it, distraction. They just grow out of it eventually, I'm sure it isn't naughty at all. Annoying yes.

neolara · 04/05/2008 21:40

I'd also go for distraction as much as possible. My 16 month old DS knows what "no" means but doesn't stop doing what he is doing when I say it. But he generally does when I say "no" and immediately follow up with a distraction.

Thankyouandgoodnight · 05/05/2008 21:16

My DD is the same age and absolutely understands. We do consequences so e.g. if you do that, I will.....and I stick to it. So for banging cup on the table repeatedly, it gets taken away (temporarily), food being played with / thrown is taken away, running off ends up with a stint in the buggy etc. I tell her two or three times what I want her to do and what will happen if she doesn't do it. She gets it. Perfectly. I am astonished by other people that just go for distraction when their kids blatantly know what they're doing e.g. obviously and calculatedly push another child to get at what they want etc. Amazing.

ladytophamhatt · 05/05/2008 21:26

if its something where he'll hurt himslef like the hinges or lamp thing then I tend to do a loud NO, which stops.
Our stair gate is broken atthe top of the stairs and he knows not to go near the stairs because of teh one time he did I nearly died of fright and screamed his name really loudly, so scaring him too. Now he shuffles along almost pinned the wall to get by the stairs, bless him.

If it ssomething cheeky, like raiding the fridge which he does constantly si say his name in shocked way and he just does this big belly laugh and closes the fridge...after grabbing a yoghurt/grape/whatever else.

So yes he does know whats nuaghty(or cheeky) and he knows whats dangerous too. He'll be 16 months in a few days btw.

kwaker5 · 05/05/2008 21:32

Not much more to add other than try not to over-use the 'no'! Reserve for dangerous things, otherwise it just gets ignored eventually. Try and offer alternatives, e.g. don't run that car up the wall, run it along the floor (and show them); don't bang on that, bang your hammer set.

Definitely move as much as possible and decide now what's off limits. No good allowing them to do x one day but not the next.

My lo is 18 months now and knows what he can't do mostly (in our house anyway), but every now and then he will do something he knows is wrong and immediately look at me to see if the 'rules' have changed!

ealingkid · 07/05/2008 14:10

IMO if they're not old enough to talk, they're not old enough to be reasoned with or taught appropriate behaviour.

They may "get" that something is naughty, but nore than anything they will just do it becasue they know it gets them attention.

HonoriaGlossop · 07/05/2008 14:15

no, he's not doing it to be naughty; that's too sophisticated for him at this age. He's doing it because it's a game; do something, mummy gives you her full attention and if you do it again, you just get more of the same! Great!

If you want him to stop doing what he's doing it's either remove the thing, or remove him from the vicinity of the thing, IME

Blandmum · 07/05/2008 14:15

dd was quick to learn to speak.

when she was around 20 months we went into town for the day, she was in her push chair, and had her much loved teddy. While we were shopping she kept thowing the bear on the floor and in the end, I put the bear out of sight, sh e started to cry, so I gave it back to her.

Cue her throwing the bear on the floor again.

Repeat several times.

We were on the bus going home and out of the blue she said 'Sorry mummy' and I said 'What for?' and she said (and this a direct quote)

'Want teddy, want teddy, (mimed throwing the bear) Wah, wah, wah'

she knew *exactl;y what she'd been doing!

HonoriaGlossop · 07/05/2008 14:19

wow - I think that is exceptional thoughtfulness though in a 20m old, to think about it that far after the event and to articulate an apology!

As my great gran used to say about my brother, apparently - "That child thinks "

Blandmum · 07/05/2008 17:46

My gran used to say about me (and it wasn't a compliment ), 'If there was standing room only that child would find somewhere to sit down'

nicfin · 13/05/2008 14:45

hi I was wondering if any one can help my 13m is not eating his dinners and taking food out of his mouth and throwing it around spiting it about he?s driving me mad

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