After school tantrum/ anger issues

[CosyDeer]

Anyone else’s kid come home from school and erupts like a volcano? We don’t even make it out of the school grounds before she starts, then it’s smacking/hitting/ throwing herself on the ground/stamping her feet and screaming. I know she’s tired from being there all day but I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal behaviour? I try the whole you’re allowed to be mad/angry but you cannot be mean and you can not hurt people but she just won’t listen in the midst of the tantrum. The anger is something else where she’s literally screaming until she’s red in the face and I just don’t know what to say/do. Any pointers would be greatly appreciated.

edit she is 4, won’t be 5 till October. We also think she may have ADHD. Her dad is diagnosed (which isn’t the only reason we think she is) but thought I’d just add this point.

My daughter used to be like this with me, but was always fine when nanny did pick up (which is 4 out of 5 days!) so on the one day I picked her up, she would have a tantrum with me screaming before we even got off school grounds.
She's 7 now, and never tantrums coming out anymore, but yeah it used to be a real issue. I think she was struggling with the busy days and feeling very tired. She's a very "good girl" in school, so it felt like she's been holding all her emotions in all day just so as not to seem naughty to her teachers, and as soon as she got with me, she would explode.
I'm just thinking did I do anything different to make it stop, and not intentionally. But looking back, maybe she was also a bit hungry as she never really ate the school dinners so we switched her to packed lunches at year 1, and if she didn't finish that she'd eat the rest after school, so maybe that fixed a bit of hanger. Also, her little brother took the spotlight on tantrums instead so maybe she felt there just wasn't any point kicking off if he's on one anyway 🤣
He's 3, and his tantrums are more like full on meltdowns that his nursery are questioning developmental delays and have him on a support plan, so not sure his issue is the same as hers was.

Anyway, sorry for the long reply, I think my point was - I think it's pretty normal for a kid who's just started school. It's a very tiring day and holding in all the emotions during the day can be tough so they let it all out afterwards. Try finding an after school routine that may help, like mine would stop at a particular part of the playground where I'd give them a snack, and that seemed to help at times as she was focussed on getting to the spot, then opening her snack, then she'd eat it as we carried on walking. Seemed to somehow diffuse things a little.
With my son I sometimes just have to ignore the meltdown and carry him out of there and just wait for it to stop.

Hopefully she'll grow out of it as she build up her stamina! Xx

Yes! Could be masking.. Aut / ADHD or just high sensitivity and needs to relax/switch off xx

I personally don't think it's normal at 4. Usually they've outgrown hitting by now.

Yes, being tired after school on Reception is normal. Our local Primary doesn't encourage after school clubs until the Summer term just for this reason.

You can manage usual tiredness by having a snack and drink ready, having some quiet time, some early nights and some quiet weekends.

I think you're right to question ND though. If DH is diagnosed you'll know just how likely it is that she has inherited it from him.

Have a read of The Explosive Child to help you deal with her meltdowns. I think you've probably realised already that regular discipline techniques won't work if she is ND.

Try a game with her like Feelings & Dealings.

And I'd do this simple progress checker. She may have some communication difficulty which might not be easy to spit and could add to her frustrations.