Is it a normal behavior for 2.8 ?

[OlyaR]

My sister's daughter just turned 2.8 and even though I don't have much experience with children her behavior seems to be different from her peers. I don't know if to bring it up with my sister because I don't want to upset her, she's really against putting labels on children ( so am I) but sometimes I feel that my opinion may change something. So:

• she's super vocal and her vocabulary is good and always was but she uses scripting from cartoons and books, sometimes in context sometimes not. She likes to pick up words from our speech and then paste them which is funny but is it ok at this age? Sometimes she uses a word multiple times, for example Mommy, I want a biscuit, biscuit, biscuit. Or don't want, don't want don't want (to do something). And so on. If I ask her something she may answer the closed question, like " Do you like pasta or pizza? But she doesn't answer when I ask: What do you like in the nursery? But in general, she speaks a lot, and can communicate her needs but she babbles random words a lot of time when ask a question. She can describe nothing from her day in the nursery.
• she's having tantrums a lot during the day, when something is not going her way she starts screaming and pushing her parents to do what she wants, it is so hard to deal with her. Reasoning, persuasion, nothing works, except bribing like giving sweets or promising to go to the playground. We told her not to pull the dog's hair but she kept doing it and it seemed funny to her. She can accidentally harm my daughter because she's not mindful that she is a baby and you need to be gentle, the same with a dog.
• She likes it when someone is reading to her but is not interested in any toys for more than 5 minutes, I didn't see any pretend play. She's more into physical activities. She's not into playing with other children, maybe because she doesn't like to play. She may play with blocks or stickers with the adults for a few minutes and the rest of the time you need to entertain her.
• She was late in pointing, but now does it.

Does it seem more like a strong-willed child or there's something that is out of normal behaviour in your opinion?

The first bullet point could be echolalia - however, that is not always a processing issue and can be developmentally normal for some kids and their way of processing new words and language. In terms of asking what she did in nursery, I don’t know many two year olds that would answer that question.

Second bullet point sounds like a normal 2/3 year old, my child is 2.9 month and all my mum group WhatsApp’s are discussing these challenges - so I would say this is very common behaviour - they don’t call it the terrible twos and three-nagers for nothing.

third bullet point - it’s quite common for kids this age to get bored quickly. You would expect some element of imaginative play - but maybe she is just not doing it around you.

You said you ask her about nursery, so I assume she goes. Have nursery flagged any concerns? If it’s a registered nursery they will have development checks they go through with the kids and have SEN leads who oversee any concerns. To be honest most of what you have said sounds like a great strong willed confident little girl.

Written down, most of it seems within the expected range for 2.5-3. Some things are a little quirky and I'd be inclined to keep an eye to see how things develop. Things like the scripting or the answering with strings of random words. It might die away in the next few months as her language comes on, no big deal, just how she acquired language. Or it might persist, and might raise further questions.

Similarly with pretend play – usually you'd see some by now (not anything massively complex, putting baby/teddy to bed, cooking in the play kitchen, making dinosaurs stomp and roar). But maybe she just doesn't do very much of it, and you haven't happened to see it. What if you start a teddy bear's tea party, will she join in?

Is she completely uninterested in other children? Lots of children this age play alongside, so semi-socially playing with similar stuff next to a child, but not really with them, beyond something like a game of chase. What about with an older child who might support/direct the shared play a bit? Would she engage with them?

Does the tantrum usually stop fairly quickly if she gets her way? If tantrumming gets her something she wants, she will naturally do it more. More concerning would be if the tantrums aren't actually tantrums, but meltdowns, where she's so overwhelmed/disraught that she can't stop, no matter what you offer her (but even a few of those are normal for toddlers, especially if hungry or tired).

The other thing is that humans are complex creatures, even as toddlers, so it's hard to capture fully behaviour in words. If in person, things feel 'different', that could well be – it's very hard to tease out what's standard quirky toddler and what's something more.