o.k so what should i do about this ?

[cheeryface]

ds2 (9) has not handed in his dinner money at school this week, instead he has bought himself something from the stationary shop.

he went there today with dh, told him he had got the money from doing jobs.

i have just discovered the empty opened envelope in his bedroom bin....

advice please!

it is stealing-im afraid there would be big trouble in windy willows if that happend here-assuming your ds has some money he can use to buy cheap tat and assuming hes eaten dinner already at school - id be cross at the deceit and the theft so he would pay it back either from his own money or by doing jobs.

he had loads of money for his birthday a couple of months ago and spent it, about £180.

i haven't been giving him any pocket money. he complains every time i ask him to do any jobs.
He had mentioned what he wanted the other day, it cost £6. i didn't say i would buy it though as he has enough stuff.

i did that but not at the age of 9!!

oh dear.

can't he do one simple job a day in return for money?

i have taken the bought item from him and told him he can have it back when he has earned the money that it cost.
i have also sent him to his room and told him he is a liar and a thief

quite right

he shoudl be in big trouble!

can he have packed lunches?
how did the school let him not eat?

no, the school still gave him his dinner. He has £8 to hand in, in an envelope every monday.

if you forget or anything there is usually a note sent home with the child, which i expect i would have got on tuesday if i hadn't found out.

I would get him to write to his teacher apologising and then he has to make it up to you by doing jobs and I would definitly let him know that he has lied to you and it will take a lot to regain your trust.

has he opened the item? If not I would make him return it to the store and explain that he stole the money to pay for it. If they give it him back then he can take the money to school and explain there too. If not then he should work for the money, at a rate that makes it clear how much he has stolen (ie not just £1 to take a plate out or whatever) Also he should earn it before tuesday ready to take into school first thing. Finally the item should be removed (sent to charity or whatever)

At least that is what I would do, I would also make sure that that is all that happens, ie no comments about it or lectures etc. Just the conversation explaining what he will have to do and that is it. A punishment should be tough but not used to make him feel bad (IMO punishment is the childs opportunity to redeem themselves).

maybe I am a tough mother!

Not sure you want to hear this, but very clever child! Only 9 and already wheeling and dealing so to speak! Thought it was comical until you said they gave him his dinner anyway. Now thats embarrassing. For you. HE can pay the school back, not you.
And Yorkish, you are not the only tough mother.... I drove back to ASDA yesterday to make my DS aged 4 return a Drumstick Lolly he "found" in his pocket!

landj - I am glad it is not just me