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13 year old son hates me… is this puberty?!

3 replies

ScarIettOHara · 04/01/2025 17:32

I have a 13 yr old, going through puberty. He is only interested in rugby (which he does with his dad) and his PlayStation which is how he socialises with his school friends.
sometimes he is clearly in a bad mood, or tired and there’s no other way of putting it he’s just really rude to me. When I confront him he says he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and then says he’s sorry he made me feel like that (while giving me a death stare). When I try to sit down and address the behaviour he says he can’t remember, I’m making a big thing of it, and wants to end the conversation. Really hard to call the behaviour out because I’m isolation these are little or tiny things, such as a tone, a look, disagreeing with me in conversations but then automatically agreeing with his dad, etc
recently he told me that he ‘doesn’t like me.’ But could not say how. He said that he loves me ‘because I’m his mum’ but doesn’t like me at all and finds me annoying.
Is this a normal part of puberty?! He doesn’t have any female friends. He has sisters that he can get on with well but also quite mean and holds his position (as the eldest) over them.
any help or advice appreciated, I was thinking of spending some individual time with him but it’s going to be hard because right now time spent with me appears to be the last thing he wants to do!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TinyMouseTheatre · 05/01/2025 07:41

I was thinking of spending some individual time with him but it’s going to be hard because right now time spent with me appears to be the last thing he wants to do!!

Is there anything that you both particularly enjoyed when he was a bit younger, even a trip to McDonalds?

I'd say it was pretty standard behaviour but I would be looking at how much time he's spending on the PlayStation.

BeCandidJadeSloth · 08/01/2025 22:46

Connect together - do something fun an activity of his choice.. screens are never good..! This age is still young, play and enjoy his company.. take him for a day, theatre, lunch, bowling.. something you are active together

Sonolanona · 13/01/2025 23:12

My Ds1 was vile at that age (and for the next three years, sorry!) and it was horrible .
BUT that doesn't mean you have to accept rudeness. He doesn't have to like you, but he does have to be polite. If he doesn't then there needs to be consequences. Snide remarks?Death stares. Internet get turned off (unplugged and wifi box hidden if nec) Does your dh back you up? If not you need a word with him and make sure you present as a team.. no Dad being nice because he doesn't get the shit end of the stick.
Too much PS definitely makes them worse.

Hormones make them grumpy and tired, but I really recommend making it very clear that if he needs to show a decent level of behaviour to everyone in the house.
Best time to chat is when driving somewhere with him.. that way it's less confrontational and no one has to make eye contact. I think it was then only time in 3 years my ds1 was remotely pleasant to me.

They do get better..eventually, but faster if they realise that your dh has your back. I had four teens at the same time... the girls were moderately grumpy, the youngest boy a dream teen, but ds1 was frankly awful and I wish we had laid down the ground rules earlier.

He's an adult now and back to being the lovely person he was before he hit puberty ... Grin

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