My daughter’s habits.

[soba17]

Looking for a bit of help with my 1.5 yr old daughter’s behaviour when around her cousin. My daughter stopped being clingy as soon as she could walk, she was off and about playing and running and just coming back for regular check ins with mum. I was so proud of her since I did attachment parenting and many told me she would be clingy.

Her cousin is slightly younger than her and very clingy, really needs her mum to be with her 24/7. Since we’re spending a lot of time together lately, my daughter has started copying. She keeps asking me to come with her everywhere and wanting to be carried a lot. I don’t mind carrying her and it’s nothing against her cousins personality, I adore my niece, but I just want my daughter to be herself. It’s a lot more challenging to have a clingy child of course but furthermore I want her to keep her own personality.

We can’t and don’t want to spend less time with family as they are a huge and welcomed part of our lives and we’re all very close. It’s so hard and I’m sure that this is just a part of life that’s out of my control but any advice would be great.

Ive started ignoring all the whingey and clingy behaviour and encouraging words and communication although she doesn’t have a whole range of language so it’s not always an option. I’ve tried to really encourage her when she’s being independent but I worry it’s because her cousin inevitably gets a whole lot of attention, that she also wants attention. She’s started to hit quite frequently out of frustration which is new because she’s only ever hit out of silliness and I took her away today for a little chat and a break, she doesn’t say much she really understood and did all of the right actions that suggest she knows not to hit but her emotions are overwhelming her. I just want to be able to help her be herself. Am I doing the right things, could I do something better? Thanks x

It's not necessarily imitating cousin. It can simply be a developmental stage. They go through clingy and less clingy stages whatever form of parenting you do.

My oldest went to anyone at a toddler, my middle was the clingiest child every until she was about 2.5yo when she suddenly became fiercely independent.
Ds had phases both ways. Where he was attached to me, or wanted to be off on his own.

If she hits, remove her (and any item she hit with) and give her a couple of minutes away. if she hits again, remove her for longer, or go home depending on situation. She'll learn.

Thank you. I agree they go through clingy stages but this is really obvious imitation. Like my niece will chase her mum crawling and my daughter who’s been walking for 6 months will start crawling around and fake crying shouting mama but also expecting to be picked up and consoled when she gets to me 😂

I understand that even the imitation is developmentally appropriate but I feel like my little angel is now attention seeking and frustrated.

I love the advice about removing her, I’ve been removing the object but I will try removing her from the situation. Thanks again.

If you want her to be more independent then it's counter intuitive but you have to give her all the attention she wants and not try and encourage her to be independent. Treat it as you would separation anxiety

Yes I always have, that’s why she became so independent because I’ve always been extremely attentive. I just feel she’s going backwards but maybe it’s one of those things that abs and flows I guess based on the environment

You can also give praise when she's doing what you know she can do.

"You can take your coat off. What a big girl. Can you give it to me. Thank you! You are so clever..."

Probably be careful not to do this too much in front of cousin, because it could be taken as you showing off that she's more advanced, but you can give her a special hug and whisper to her that she's "so great at..." and that sort of thing.