How to survive the long dark mornings with a toddler

[teaandkittehs]

Just what time title says. My 2 year old is not coming very capable of much role play yet so although she engages with her toys, there is only so much she can do with a farm set or kitchen or train set without knowing what they're for. She's not great with duplo, although she has always played with blocks, she doesn't know what a house is yet etc so it's not like she can sit and build one. I'm considered she gets too much tv as my partner is more relaxed about screen time and the tv is on a lot. She's in nursery 5 hours a week and at her grandma's 5 hours a week but the rest of the time we pass her back and forth while working. We can't afford more childcare so we just take it in turns to do our jobs or do stuff with her. It's hard to amuse her as much as we need to in any case, and her free nursery won't start for a year where we live. The bit I'm struggling with the most though are the long dark mornings. She's often awake by 6 when she is not ill, and nothing happens or opens until at least 9 or even 10 - nursery at 9, soft play 9.15, baby gymnastics 10. . . So there are always at least 3 hours to fill before we can get out the house, it's dark and rainy so we cants even go to the park early like we could in summer. We both get bored in the long mornings, I'm concerned we use tv too much as we have it on in the background, she watches bits but plays with toys as well although only to the level outlined above as her capability and concentration span are not great as she has only just turned 2. I don't know how to survive this until she is capable of a bit more - Painting lasts about 5 minutes, for example. She loves being outside but it's dark and rainy. I'm so bored and frustrated and have no idea how to survive this period and I am worried that by the time she's capable of doing more, we will have ruined her attention span with the tv being on too much and stop her progressing and engaging with toys more. I just can't stand going in circles in the house for hours, i hate it so much, i actually dread the mornings and feel quite depressed because of it. We take it in turns to get up with her, but in term time my husband drops my stepson at school so i do most of the mornings with her as my job is very flexible. I'm so, so, so mindbendingly sick of the repetitive mornings, the confinement, and boredom and how it affects her behaviour. How on earth does everyone else survive this? My stepson is 13 and therefore not hanging out downstairs in the mornings as he hates everything and everyone because he's 13 etc. So there is nothing going on in the house, nothing to bounce off or inspire. I just don't know how to amuse her enough and when she is bored her behaviour deteriorates and she knocks toys off shelves etc. Jesus, I hate this phase of life. I actually need her to be older so we can do some actual things like role play, even if it's boring and repetitive at least we would have a thing to do instead of getting toys out for minutes at a time and then being done with them because she's too young to engage with them for longer or to know what to do with them! Think I am just venting really. I wish i was better at this. After a couple of hours she gets destructive through boredom and i struggle to keep my temper. I hate myself for it. I don't ever use violence and I rarely shout but I clearly get frustrated with her. I love her so much but my god am i bored.

Hi there!
i am a mom of a DS who just turned two and am at home with him most of the time. I agree, being alone and stuck in doors with a toddler can at times be mind numbing.

We also have 6am rises, I dont deal with the dark cold mornings at the moment but do have plenty days with bad weather that i cant go out.. although its true that they aren’t great at independent play yet at this age, they can start building their attention span.

if you are feeling the screen time is too much, then listen to your gut? It takes more work from your end, but you feel better about it in the end.
you can try create a morning routine every morning, so obviously breakfast and getting dressed fitted into it, but maybe first reading couple books in pjs, then she helps with b/fast and rinsing her bowl etc - they love to do things independently at this age! And then have like a rotation of activities (take one thing out at a time) - colouring in or painting together, puzzles (2-3 pieces), shape boards, blocks, you can even work a ‘yoga or pilates session in’, my boy does some fun oilates moves with me, I am sure youtube would have something for kids or just make it up and play! Or playing dress up with her doll, and bathing her etc. if she already has a kitchen, you can pretend take the doll to the shops for groceries and cook for her etc etc.

and then if you feel you need to or if the morning drags on, by 08:30 she can have 20/30 mins screen time before you go out.. also try to hide certain toys in a box and do a rotation every so often, they will get excited about the toy they forgot they owned!

To help expand her attention span, try keep her engaged for at least 10mins on one thing by keeping it intriguing or not letting her go off to the next.. she cant do much pretend play yet, but you can!

does she like books? We do a lot of that on rainy days, and i have a book shelf accessible to him so he can learn to put the books back and get a new one (obviously not doing it neatly yet), he also loves to play ‘tent’ which just means throwing a blanket over chairs and sitting inside, any old activity suddenly becomes very exciting
i have also recently started more playdough and the other day we made things and played with play dough characters for about 30mins - even-though she cant do pretend play yet, you can suggest plenty things, have play animals talk to each other, play together etc and she will learn from you..

i realise leading the play in this way constantly is draining in itself and if you are not feeling like you have energy to deal with it it is hard - the little sun exposure in winter doesnt help with mood either.. maybe check with a pharmacist if some vitamin B and D supplements could help you?

Thanks for the advice, I've used routines to deal with stuff before with her so i don't know why i didn't think of that. Think I've hit a wall and need to pull myself out of a slump and have been avoiding it because, as you point out, it's more work. But i used to play with her more and not use tv so I've got to fake it til I make it to get back to that he guess!

Also remember to take care of yourself, explore why you are feeling low on energy and like playing is a drag.. maybe a short break with family helping you to take some time out or chatting to a counsellor?

In all honesty I'm not a very natural parent, my husband is much better at it than me. I find the monotony of parenting really gets me down but he can keep going in circles in the same four walls with her! And I find the winter very hard because of the dark, plus I suffer from chronic insomnia so I'm always one step behind. My husband has a 13 year old who lives with us so he's been parenting for years whereas I had a very independent and fun, frivolous life before I met him, with lots of spare time and a reasonable amount of expendable income. Having a small child is as hard as I expected it to be, I knew in advance that I would struggle and feel like this at times, but she was and is most definitely wanted and loved by us both.

My son is a similar age and I understand what you mean about the mornings being longggg. It’s hard to entertain them with toys when they haven’t got a great attention span for them yet. My advice is make everything into an activity. Take your time getting breakfast, let her put the toast in the toaster and help spread the butter etc it takes up time and they love helping. Afterwards let her stand on a chair a wash her hands in the sink and splash a bit with the water. Let her help empty the dishwasher and folding the washing, basically any chores that you have to do anyway let her help and it kills time. Let her have a play about with your make up brushes while you get ready. Basically stop trying to always entertain her and just let her come along with what you need to do. It also has the added bonus of all the chores being done therefore a bit of time for you to just relax during nap time!

when all else fails and everyone’s just bored I through mine into the back carrier and just chat to him while I get on with housework.

I'll second let her 'help' with chores – 'helping' at this age is defined as not slowing you down so much you're going backwards.

Maybe also adjust your sense a bit of what 'play' is at this stage. No one really remembers being two, so I think it's less obvious what would be fun than say, at six, where we remember what we enjoyed. Playdoh isn't making houses or cats – it's squishing and rolling and pinching and stamping. Use different bits and pieces (a fork, a plastic animal, a pinecone) to make different marks when you need to mix it up a bit.

Maybe some other simple sensory play? A container of dry rice or dry cereal and scoops and spoons and things? A big bowl of jelly with some animals set in it to rescue (do that one in the bath, and then finish with a bath)? If she likes a bath, a long 'just for fun' one can fill a chunk of time. Anything water-safe is a bath toy in this house, duplo, random kitchen bits, solid plastic animals, etc.

Keep the mark-making low effort at least most of the time – crayons, colouring pencils, maybe felt tips. Stickers – just a packet of stars or coloured dots will do at this age, as long as there are a lot of them. Paint sticks are less messy than normal paints.