Managing Aggression in My 2-Year-Old: Hitting and Throwing During Playtime

[ForWiseKoala]

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for advice on how to handle some challenging behavior from my 2-year-old daughter. Lately, during playtime, she has started hitting me with objects, and it seems like she’s actually happy or excited when she does it. I’ve noticed this happening more frequently, and I’m unsure how to address it effectively.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that while we’re reading books together or in moments of calm, she will suddenly turn and scratch my face. It’s not in a playful way, and it’s becoming concerning.
Has anyone dealt with similar behavior? I’m trying to figure out if this is just a phase, or if there’s something I can do to help her manage these impulses. Any advice on how to respond, set boundaries, or strategies to prevent this kind of aggression would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks so much for your help!

What do you do when she scratches your face? Do you say no, have a stern face and leave the room?

it is typical for toddlers to do this, and I believe it starts out as being experimental BUT if left without consequence it can become a problem.
you need to figure something out that is an immediate consequence like stopping the activity and also creating empathy, fake cry and get family or DP to make a fuss over you, she needs to kiss you better, say sorry etc.. she will likely do it again.. my son has been through these motions and sometimes I even restrain his arm when he wont stop hitting and he moans about it, i tell him i will let him go if he stops hitting me and that usually does the trick.

I have to admit, I got really frustrated and ended up yelling at her, saying I wouldn't play with her anymore. After some time, she came over and apologised. I tried to use this with the house rules and gentle hand, but didn’t work

Today, my 2 years old daughter hit me with my partner’s phone while we were playing and it really hurt. I ended up crying and asked my partner to take our daughter out because I was feeling really upset. Before they left, my daughter tried to say sorry, but I told her I didn’t need her apology and walked away. When they returned home after a few hours, she apologised and I accepted her apology. I’m feeling confused about what I might be doing wrong. I’ve never hit her or punished her; I always try to communicate and explain things to her in simple terms.I just don’t get what I’m doing wrong. I’ve never hit her or punished her; I always try to talk things out and explain everything in a way she can understand.

Shouting isn't ideal as they are little mimics and sell just end up shouting back at you, but you know that already

If she does it when you're reading to her. Say no firmly, close the book and leave the room for a couple of minutes.

I honestly dont think you are doing anything wrong!!

the fact that she shows remorse afterwards is great, i would focus on the reconciliation. I know its hard, but try not to get mad at her or take it personally, see it as a development stage, its okay for you to take some time out if you need to breath and getting DP involved is great, but try take her apology as soon as she gives it!

Is there anything you notice that leads up to it? Like feeling frustrated for some reason?

i also pick my battles - sometimes if he gets over excited and starts hitting but not TOO serious yet i distract and redirect his attention, but i have gotten a smack in the face out of nowhere before and reacted with so much sincere shock that he was crying with remorse (did it again but clearly wasn’t happy about it).. i must say, the other night we were cuddling an playing in bath, got a smack on the face and (this is unorthodox) i smacked him back the same way he did me, (not out of anger - i was controlled) he was distraught but i could then explain that it makes me feel the same way it makes him feel!

Thanks everyone for being so understanding. Since yesterday, I've been working on not yelling at her when she throws things. I’ve been calmly explaining that if she throws the Lego block, I’ll have to put all the Lego blocks away for now, and that seems to be helping. She tends to throw my partner’s phone but not mine. I think that might be because DP uses his phone quite a bit at home, while I’m trying to limit my phone use around our daughter. It’s definitely a challenge to stay calm and not feel frustrated.

Well done and Keep it up, it gets easier!!
If you remain calm and consistent this too shall pass!!

i do think youre right about the phone thing - my boy would get super frustrated if my attention was predominantly on my phone and that lead to quite a few outbursts.

I agree. I think you need to talk to DH about his phone use. It's not good for her self esteem and he can hardly tell her off for being on her phone too much I'm 10 years time when that's the example he's been setting