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3 year old behaviour is affecting our life :(

4 replies

mamatothreebunnies · 27/12/2024 21:23

My 3 year old DS has really changed our life and household. He is a very lively and energetic little boy and while I understand boys can be generally much more energetic than girls, he really tests us all so much. It goes without saying we love him to bits, I just really need to hear if anyone else experiences the same and if they got better with age. My older 2 DDs (8 and 10) also complain about him often. Some of his testing behaviours is

  • constant throwing things, all things including toys and tableware. He just throws it. I have tried allllll forms of discipline / gentle parenting with it, he simply doesn’t stop doing it. He’s been like that since he was very little, as young as 6 months when he was weaning on high chair he would fling his food. Now he does it with everything. He’s broken so many things in the house. I’ve taken away toys and privileges, tried the “thinking step”, raised my voice, lowered my voice, spoken to him after about his unacceptable behaviour. Nothing goes in.
  • his sleep. His sleep is killing me slowly and massively affecting my marriage. He takes up to 2 hours to fall asleep, running around and Jumping in his room for age before he sleeps. I still have to sit with him until he sleeps. and wakes up multiple times a night and is up from 5/6am for the day. I’ve tried EVERYTHING from dropping naps to changing bedtime time and all the routines. Zero change. He’s my 3rd so not my first rodeo.

my sisters think he’s abnormal and that I should get him checked. I’m starting to wonder if he may be ADHD or even autistic? I’m at wits end, absolutely exhausted and at breaking point.

is he even old enough to be diagnosed? And if so, then what? Does a diagnosis mean he can have any medication for his behaviour ? Mainly the sleep. I feel like if he slept well we would all be happier because I can’t cope with him if I’ve not slept and he a monster when he’s not slept well either.

help!

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 28/12/2024 17:12

I can understand why you're struggling so much Flowers

Is he just 3, 3.5 or nearly 4?

How does he do on this simple progress checker?

Hope you don't mind me asking questions, it just helps with the advice

Plastictrees · 28/12/2024 18:58

I just wanted to give you my empathy OP, it sounds really hard. It sounds like an assessment may be helpful - I would go private if that is at all possible, as waiting lists can be horrendous. It could be very valuable to get some specialist input and strategies to manage. I would encourage tiring him out with exercise as much as poss, having routine and structure and wind down periods with no stimulating activities/toys. I hope things get easier for you soon.

mamatothreebunnies · 30/12/2024 00:54

@TinyMouseTheatre he turned 3 in September. He does ok on that questionnaire; needs some support with language but otherwise fine. it’s really the sleep that’s killing me. It’s 12:51am and he still hasn’t gone to sleep for the night because he crashed at 5pm and had a nap (and no way I could have stopped him) because he was up late again last night so obviously couldn’t handle the entire day awake. It’s a vicious cycle and I can’t seem to get out of it. It’s like a new lease of energy enters his body at bedtime.

@Plastictrees i don’t mind going private. Who do I go to? As in what’s the specialist field I even type into google? Is a a sleep consultant ? A psychologist? A paediatrician ?

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 30/12/2024 07:55

Sounds hard to deal with. Are you thinking of getting him up early today?

If the progress checker says he needs some support then you need to ask your HV for a referral for a hearing test and some SLT. Tell her that you've done the Speech & Language UK's progress checker and it says he needs some support. It's a very well respected charity so she should have heard of it.

I would ask to see her and fill in both the 3 year Ages & Stages and the 3 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages.

Scoring both together will give her a clearer picture of what's going on.

At the very least she should refer for a hearing test and some SLT. I'd also ask if there is some support with sleep too.

They aren't supposed to score perfectly in the questionnaires but if he's scoring grey in more than 2 areas or black in any area then I'd ask for a referral to a Paediatrician

If she wants to adopt the "wait & see" approach instead try and get her to make the appointment there and then for 2 months time.

In situations like yours, it really is those who make the most noise get the help Flowers

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