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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is our 3 yo DD watching too much telly?

47 replies

BarcodeZebra · 01/05/2008 20:34

Bit of a family debate going on here. DD1 is 3 and badgers us constantly for telly. Today, for example she watched for 40 mins (8.15 -8.55)in the morning; about 5 mins at midday (turned it on herself - DW switched it off); 10 mins at just gone 1pm; and finally 15 mins before tea. All in all a bit over the hour in total for the day.

Personally, I don't think this is too bad but DW is very concerned about it. DD1 always asks to watch when we come in and always asks just before I go to work. On a normal day she'll ask to watch maybe 20 times during the course of the day. Saying "no" and dealing with the wee-soaked tantrums is becoming a little wearing. We're also somewhat worried about DD2 (9mo) picking up the habit.

How do you ration the box? Is this typical? Are we worrying unduly? Will our kids turn into obese no-marks who keep the remote between their huge rolls of fat?

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booge · 01/05/2008 20:40

I worry about the telly too but DS 3 watches more than your DD

Monkeytrousers · 01/05/2008 20:41

No, I don;t think thats too much but we only got sky recently and DS had a massive language spurt so I only have postive feelinsg on it.

Apparently Finnish kids watch so much tv that they learn english by the subtitles

I (honestly) think that as long as they get lots of love and stimulation from their parents and aren;t just dumped in front of the tv to amuse themselves for hours on end (even though DS has this done to him at meal prep times!) that they won't be in any way harmed by it.

JUst a thought to, do you have a PC downstairs? Introduce them to Poisson Rouge DS loves it more than telly even and he's learn to click and drag in a day!

NotABanana · 01/05/2008 20:41

1 hour over a whole day is fine.

My son has recently discovered tv and asks for it soon after we get in.

suzi2 · 01/05/2008 20:41

I think this is pretty good! We're really bad here, the TV runs a lot of the day that we're in but DS and DD don't actively watch much of the time. It's a habit that started when DD was born as she was a tough baby and DS was just 18 months and it was all I could do to cope. I do try and turn it off but they just put it back on and our last one the power button broke due to overuse! I do worry about it, but not enough to keep it switched off.

IIf you don't already, I would schedule in TV time. Make it clear that she can have TV from 8:30-9am, 12:30-1pm and 6:30-7pm or something. Then she knows where she stands and might ask less? Or is there specific programs she likes to watch? Maybe she could be allowed them.

eekamoose · 01/05/2008 20:42

I don't think that sounds like a terrible amount. TBH when I stopped having battles with the dcs over the tv, I found they wandered away from it or turned it off themselves. They are now 7 and 4 and we have got ourselves into a pattern of an hour a day (or a DVD or video if its raining and we don't go out) and this is all they seem to want or expect.

When she is a little older she may well be able to amuse herself more (reading, drawing or colouring, watering the plants in the garden, playing outside without you having to hover, building things with bricks, helping to cook, making up games with dolls or whatever) and it all gets a little easier.

suzi2 · 01/05/2008 20:44

I agree that computers are great - DS loves playing on the cbeebies website and he has learned a lot from it. His speech was very slow until he started watching balamory and me too as well, not sure if that's coincidental. Though it is annoying that he says "bye bye honeypie"

estobi1 · 01/05/2008 20:45

Wow - is that all?!!! you are doing very well!

My dd1 watches about an hour in the morning (while I get my DD2 sorted,dishwahser loaded washing on, get dressed etc) 30 minutes at luchtime to quieten her down (when she used to have a sleep) and about an hour to an hour and a half at night time while I sort out dinner. I find that sometimes she comepletely zones into it - other times she plays and ignores it. By not making it a forbidden fruit she is not too worried about it.

Fat rolls!!I am sure they will not become obese etc - kids need a bit of down time and it is really handy when you are trying to prepare the evening meal with a baby in a papose etc. I know that we are all supposed to be these amazing parents that never let kids watch tv but we have to give ourselves a bit of a break from everything we are "supposed" to do or you will end up going mad!

Shitemum · 01/05/2008 20:45

i think your problem is more to do with the badgering and tantrums than the actual amount she watches.
You need to decide how much you'll allow her to watch and maybe only let her watch once each day to cut down on tantrums.
Or go cold turkey, get one of those TV cupboards with lockable doors and hide it in there. She'll soon forget about it...

slayerette · 01/05/2008 20:50

I agree with suzi2 - scheduling is best way to go. ds, who's 5, knows his tv routine now and rarely asks for it as other times. He has 30 mins in morning before school once he is dressed and breakfasted etc while I get ready for work. He has 20 mins in evening before his tea. At weekends he watches Milkshake in bed with us while we all have a lie-in on Sunday and maybe has a film on Sunday afternoon.

Original poster

BarcodeZebra · 01/05/2008 20:54

I'm less worried about than my DW but then again I'm not around Mon - Fri 9-5 so I don't have to deal with the constant nagging for it.

I agree an hour a day is pretty good (it's more often two hours).

There are some good ideas here. Suzi: I like the idea of scheduling and we're going to give that a go. Estobi: I think the zoning in - zoning out thing is right. She will sometimes start to play whilst it's on and on Mon and Tues evenings (when DW is at work and I do bath and bed) she generally switches it off herself when I call her for tea.

I sometimes wonder what would happen if we just let her have it every time she asked for it. Would she get bored? I just don't know. (Not sure I'd want to try that experiment anyway...!)

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Original poster

BarcodeZebra · 01/05/2008 20:55

Shitemum: I think you're absolutely right.

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Shitemum · 01/05/2008 20:57

I think I'm right too, and I'm not, often...

peggotty · 01/05/2008 21:05

Gawd. Why did I open this thread, I knew it was going to be a 3 year old who watched FAR less telly than my three year old. Probably what would happen if you let her watch as much as she wanted is that she would get bored or would be playing, pottering around etc while watching. If she is standing 2 inches from the screen, slack-jawed and drooling, then I would worry!

Original poster

BarcodeZebra · 01/05/2008 21:07

Yeah, but she does do that too

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peggotty · 01/05/2008 21:10

Oh, so does mine sometimes Then I just go and prod her or something! Seriously though, tv has been my lifesaver since I had my ds who is now 15 weeks, but I do get concerned on and off about how much dd watches. Some days she watches it nearly all day and others not at all. It sort of balances out.

Janni · 01/05/2008 21:14

The problem here is her WISH to watch all the time, not the amount she watches. That's what's driving your DW spare because the thought of what might be on TV is distracting her from thinking of other things to do.

So, it's time to decide when and for how long she will watch (DW should decide the time when she is at her lowest ebb so that the TV seems like a welcome respite) and stick to that rigidly so that your DD learns to occupy herself without TV.

S1ur · 01/05/2008 21:18

Sounds fine to me.

But if you looking for ideas.

One thing we did for a while was decide that our dd could watch 6 programmes. Then we got a picture from a magazine that she liked and cut it into 6 'jigsaw' pieces. We draw a telly screen together and then each thing she watched she bluetacked a piece of the puzzle on the 'screen'.
That way when she asked we could refer to the jigsaw to see if she had pieces left. It did stop nagging (on both sides).

Original poster

BarcodeZebra · 01/05/2008 21:19

I agree. The most pernicious thing about telly is not what you are actually watching but the anxiety about what you might be missing.

We both agree that scheduling her viewing has to be the way forward. There are times of the day that she never asks for it because she knows she won't get it. We just have to extend those times.

Thanks everyone so far. This is really, really helpful.

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S1ur · 01/05/2008 21:20

Alarms also work well. Again it is an absolute, outside influence thing. So no room for negotiation.

Set it for x minutes then have a different activity ready for when the alarm goes off.

Original poster

BarcodeZebra · 01/05/2008 21:20

That last reply was to Janni.

Slur: that's pure genius!!!!

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S1ur · 01/05/2008 21:21

pointydog · 01/05/2008 21:34

Do you have lots of channels, including a non-stop kids one? It is so much harder to turn off the telly when you see another favourite programme about to come on.

Only have terrestrial when dd is about. Personally, I never bothered much about how much telly they watched. Most of the day, only dull stuff was on anyway. You need the dull stuff to help wioth the turning off. Couldn't be arsed rationing and timing and this-ing and that-ing.

pointydog · 01/05/2008 21:34

Get rid of all the choice. That's the simplest solution.

Original poster

BarcodeZebra · 01/05/2008 21:37

Yeah, Cbeebies is the devil's work. We've been talking about "breaking" the digibox.

OP posts:

pointydog · 01/05/2008 21:41

Exactly. Just unplug the digibox.

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