5 year old very difficult behaviour

[Hellobell]

Hi mums and pops,

I really need some advice Im feeling a little lost and worried that I’m not doing this whole parenting thing right.

I have a 5year old son, he was a really good baby and toddler no issues but the last year since he turned 4 we really hit a hard patch and it’s not passed or got any easier.

1. he dosnt listen at all I will ask him to pick up something he’s dropped like a chocolate wrapper and he’ll just kick it and say no and walk off, same with toys on the floor I try to make it into a game but he just watches or starts tugging on me while I’ll doing it.
2. hes always pinching poking or pulling me or his younger sibling, I mean always he can’t stay still we might get 10mins if hes playing but once hes finished he will start again.
3. he always uses threats, mum if you don’t make me a drink right now I’m going to say a bad word (those types of threats) or he’s recently started clenching his fist and saying mum listen to me.

me and his father don’t swear or shout infront of our children, I’m always validating his feelings and telling him him how much we love him, he has no mobiles/tablets/video games but he can watch some 30mins of Netflix once a day.

If I’m honest I’m so scared that if I don’t nip this now I’m going to end up with a really difficult child, I grew up with two very difficult siblings and i know the toll it takes on a whole family so I just really want to do this right for my son and for our family, any tips would help, I’m at a loss of how to handle this.

@Hellobell Sorry you are having a tough time with him. I too am having an extremely difficult time with my 5 year old son. This has been ongoing for 2.5 years now though.

He has been assessed for autism and adhd and this has been ruled out by GO, health visitor and school nurse. His behaviour is excellent at school, never ever in trouble and the teacher has passed comment about how kind and well behaved he is.

It is just at home or if out with me and his dad. We are at our wits end, and it is taking its toll on us. He hits us all the time, screams, hits his 2 younger siblings and is hyper!

I'm sorry I have zero advice for you, but more a reply to let you know you are not alone in this. And I am following to see if anyone can offer advice! We have tried timeout, no screen time, the calm approach. Nothing works!

he dosnt listen at all I will ask him to pick up something he’s dropped like a chocolate wrapper and he’ll just kick it and say no and walk off. What are the consequences when he does this?

If he pinches one of his family what happens afterwards?

Have you spoken to his Teacher about how he behaves and how he is socially and what do they say?

And how does he do on this simple progress checkerr*?

@Fawn68 I had one who behaved perfectly in Primary too and later had a diagnosis of AuDHD. I feel your pain.

A couple of things that might help:

Try this simple progress checkerr* as that can highlight any communication problems.

Try the Explosive Childd* for how to help to manage behaviour.

And do the 5 year Ages & Stages and the 5 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages, if you haven't already