CM versus Nursery - difficult toddler - advice please

[Lakelover]

Hi
Just hoping for some advice on a dilemma I'm having with DS who is 22 months old. He currently goes to CM 1 day per week. He is extremely clingy with me and very difficult with people he doesn't know. he won't let anyone anywhere near him. Shoe shopping/haircuts/doctors visits are all totally nightmareish for him (and me!). It's taken him a long time to get used to CM and is now happy there. Trouble is, we now need childcare for him three days per week and CM can only do one extra day. My mum also has him one day a week and I'm worried about him being pushed from pillar to post. So - do we try and get him in nursery 1 day, grandma 1 day and CM 2 days, or nursery 3 days and grandma 1 day? My gut instinct is that continuity and consistency would be better, but then it's all going to be new and a very different environment from what he's grown used to. It's such a shame that CM can't fit him in for the extra day.... any advice would be gratefully received.

Lakelover, I have 2 clingy children, particularly dd. Both settled really nicely into a nursery and were fulltime from 1+. Once they settled in (and I did take the time to settle them in) and saw all the activities and comings-and-goings, they somehow become different children and forgot to fuss. But I would say that both of them are people persons and extroverts.

Dd also hated new faces, but that is what the settling in period is for.

Whether you go for CM or nursery, I would say being able to do 3-4 consecutive (rather than split) days in a row is easier to settle into than 1 day a week. It was easier for my dcs to go ft because the routine is reassuring. Some of the pt children took much longer to settle in.

I would agree with Tania that a nursery offers more checks and balances. I have a concern about what goes on behind closed doors. Particularly because both my dcs were very demanding. I did not want a carer to get frustrated in a situation where no one else was around to relieve her or defuse the situation. But of course, I am satisfied that my dcs' nursery provides high quality care to begin with.

I am sorry you find it insulting. There are good nurserys and good childminders and bad of both. My only comment is that there is some reassurance in safety in numbers with nurserys. Neither solution though is ideal. There are many pros and cons with both, a nursery can provide a stimulating and lively environment and a childminder can provide a warm cosy one. Equally a nursery can be over stimulating and a childminder boring and visa versa.

Safety is something else altogether though. A few nurserys are not safe places but generally the number of staff there prevent danger. A childminder (however much you think you know her) however is an unknown quantity.

It really is worth bearing that in mind

tania111 - you are totally talking $hite - reading your posts have left me fuming

vintageviolet, tania's posts of course put forth her view - I find them balanced. You no doubt disagree. Can you explain yourself better?

My views were the same as Tania. I did not feel comfortable leaving dd with a CM until she could talk. She is very clingy and it has been up and down at nursery. We are moving soon and I have found a CM instead of nursery for her now (nearly 3). It was very difficult finding a CM with the right days though. I had her provisionally booked at another nursery and would have gone with that if I had not found this CM (who we like very much, thankfully). I did consider splitting her care between the nursery and CM, but decided to just go with the CM and see how that works out, as I've always suspected she would be happier there. Hoever, at one point it looked as though I would have to split her care because neither nursery nor the CM could cover all her days. If that had persisted - I would just have to have split the care. You do what you have to do.

Having used nursery for 2 years - I think you need to go at least 2 days (even if they are half days) per week to settle - especially for a child that finds settling difficult.

tania had an awful experience with one childminder

she says she knows not all childminders are like that but continues to emphasise the negatives and even going so far as to say that people using c/m's are putting their non-speaking children at risk all for the sake of a few pounds

i found her tone condescending and self-righteous - no doubt she has massive guilt issues after leaving her child with an unsuitable carer.

however when i posted last night saying she was talking $hite i was slightly pi$$ed so not very eloquent - i do apoligise.

tania, any adult who knows about neglect of children has a duty to report it

You did not make clear in your post that she had stopped by the time you knew about it - of course, if you'd said that it would not have raised concerns with anybody.

I'm very happy with my choices, and find it totally bizarre that my post which was reacting to a child protection concern, should make you think I was thinking of anything to do with me!

My post was about the safety of children - going on the information you gave.

'and no, I didn't report her because how often is a 3/4 year old believed'

is actually what YOU said, not 'no, i didn't report her because she'd stopped childminding already

Don't berate me for leaping in not knowing the facts, when you gave the facts as something completely different, which would lead anyone to believe she was still doing it and you didn't report her because you didn't think your child would be believed!

how bizarre