My DD (7) is such hard work getting ready for school that I'm thinking of paying someone to come in and sort her out in the morning so I can just swan off to work

[sandyballs]

. She loves school, she enjoys going there, so that isn't the problem. It's just that she is soooo slow in the mornings and mooches about, gazing into space, or dancing, or annoying her sister (also 7), or she suddenly 'has' to find this very important toy .... blah blah.

Then her socks will be too tight, or her dress scratchy, or her trousers too long, there is always something. I've tried staying calm and helping her, I've tried shouting, I've tried pretending to leave the house without her.

Every single morning lately has been fraught and stressful and she's almost always the last one in to class, just before the register. It isn't fair on her sister, who just sorts herself out and gets on with it, who said to me this morning that she can't wait to be old enough to just leave the house on her own and go to school without waiting for her sister.

This morning I lost my temper and shouted at her and she kicked me on the leg. She immediately apologised and started crying, but it was still a kick. I'm dreading the mornings, roll on half term.

My friend's son dawdled endlessly. Two kids were ready, he was a pain in the arse.
One morning she lost her rag and stuffed him in the car in his pyjamas and dumped him in the school playground and drove off, his brothers helped as they were sick of him too.
He always got ready on time after that.

give her a deadline and make her stick to it or else punishment

Make her help you sort her clothes out the night before so they are as she wants them (and so you can trust yourself that scratchy socks are a delaying tactic)

be ready by 8am then you can watch 10 mins of telly?

or if not ready by 8am then something docked?

You could try ... at another time when she is calm, able to listen, say that you want to talk about it. Say to her that it's important that you get to school on time and you to work and that is annoying/frustrating for you and your sister to be late every day. Say that you want to come up with ideas for how she could be ready every morning 10 mins/5 mins before you need to leave. Say you want to talk to her about it later/tomorrow.
Then sit down with her and a piece of paper and pen. Write down all her ideas and all your ideas. Don't evaluate them (say that won't work etc) and don't let her evaluate your ideas either - just write them all down.
Then when you've got a long list, of all her ideas and all yours, go through them together and cross out the ideas which are "no/nos" (eg, I'll just be late for school and you won't hassle me!) and pick the ones you both like best or that she thinks will work for her.
Then hand over the responsibility to her to deliver!
(Basicically the approach from How to Talk so Kid's will listen and Listen so Kids will talk. I've just re-read it and it's helping me deal more calmly and get more cooperation from my dd. I recommend it.)

Sorry - wish I'd put in para breaks to make that easier to read!

Thanks everyone. I think I might try all of those ideas and see what suits her. I just hate starting our day off in such an angry, shouty, stressed manner. She always ends up saying she hates me and she definitely won't be kissing me at the school gates. Then she'll cry and say she's sorry and it just goes on and on, every morning.

This week when I have started off calmly and then eventually got stressed, she just said 'the more you go on, the slower I will be', which is a red rag to a bull.

I have noticed that ignoring her and heaping tons of praise on her sister has made her stop and think and buck her ideas up a bit, but I find it hard to do this every morning when I'm dashing to get out of the house. It seems a stressful time.

my friend had this with her ds and she tried a timer to give him targets for each task

I put on Mission impossible music, my ones have to get ready in that time. If they do they get a treat.

Can you reduce the stress by getting everyone up earlier?

We do clothes and bags all sorted out the night before - clothes laid out in the living room and bags/coats/shoes at the back door.

As soon as they get down stairs they get breakfast and immediately get dressed. I will often actually help them both into their clothes to chivvy them along.

Then toilet and teeth cleaned (we have a set of toothbrushes and toothpaste downstairs so no wasted time running upstairs to clean them).

Then shoes on.

Then they can have 5 mins tv while I load the bags in the car etc then off we go.

I forgot to say, that the crucial thing that makes it run smoothly in our house, is that I get up 45mins before they do and come downstairs having showered, makeup, hair done, dressed ready to go - so I don't have to do anything related to me once I get them up.

mine have to be up.... have breakfast immediately, then washed and teeth then into clothes and shoes that are ready from night b4
THEN they can have the tv on its always worked for us!-

i just dont do messing in morning even when ds3 was 4 days old and i had c section we were still at school b4 the bell on monday morning.

im a cross old cow tho

You are in great company Sandyballs - there are so many of us in your boat (not sure how you can find in archives, but we're there!)

I find it helps (with retention of sanity more than anything) to acknowledge that faffing is sometimes just hard-wired - it's the weather that prevails in that child's climate. They may grow to develop a sense of time passing - but in the meantime that instinct isn't there yet, & you can't make it be there. So you have to (that means, by the way, I have to) anticipate faffing at every turn, & do whatever is possible to encourage mind-on-task.

Eg - ds (just 9 now) was quite good this morning at dressing while calling out the increasing percentages of clothes he had got on - because he likes percentages just slightly more than he likes staring at shiny things while twirling a sock.

We do timers, & charts, & "priming" rather than reminding - as in, "now what are you going to do next?" (Answer: My Teeth, or as applicable) rather than "hurry UP with those TEETH"

My dd's are just the same, it doesn't seem to matter what time or how early we get up I'm always rushing and pushing them out the door right at the last minute.

I do the no tv or anything until they are ready, their clothes are out for them and I'm up before them but they fight and mess about together or I'll go upstairs and find them playing still in their pyjamas (they're 7 and 8).

I bought an electric timer set it for 15 mins and did a beat the clock, but it only worked for a while before it all went back to how it was (and still is!).

However, I've stopped shouting at them now (well, not so much anyway ), instead every couple of minutes I say quick breakfast's on the table and things like that.
Also, I try and wake them up earlier and tell them that it is 15 minutes later than it actually is, it sometimes works, sometimes not.

BTW are your dd's twins?