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How to support social skill development - 5 year old

1 reply

TaupePanda · 17/12/2024 14:13

My son has a number of development delays. As he has gotten older some have ironed themselves out - his speech has come on incredibly in the last year - but new challenges have arisen.

We are now seeing a social problem. He is almost six and the boys in his year 1 class seem to have formed 3 very tight groups. I have spoken about it with the other parents who all confirm that their kids have very tight social circles. The issue is - my son is the only boy not in a group and he is getting quite upset about it.

He says that sometimes he has asked to play and he is told no. He certainly isn't actively invited. He also says that he plays games with others but when he describes it, it is clear to me that only he believes he is playing said game (hide and seek for example). When he finds the others they are together and playing something totally different. My son, who is super sweet, thinks he just did a really good job finding them all, at once. But, I think it is actually a case of them getting rid of him by pretending to play and just going off.

We've had 121 play dates and they go great - sometimes so well, I wonder what on earth the issue can be in school. So, I think it might be a group setting thing.

For context, he couldn't speak at all until he was 3.5, he struggles to run and can't jump. He also can be a bit away with the fairies and we have had to teach him rules like saying hello back, when someone says hi.

The school are aware and they say he is a happy and social little boy but they'll keep an eye out. But, he is crying to us and telling us he is lonely and sad. So, it needs tackling and that has to happen from our son's side - you can't force another kid to be friends.

Obviously, he lacks some of the basic skills and development that others have at this age. So, my question is has any one had success with any techniques, to teach their child social / play skills. He's super imaginative and loves to play - he's amazing with his brother. And, he definitely wants friends - he was sad yesterday when he said he had to spend lunchtime by himself.

If anyone has any recommendations I would love to hear them - we've already bought a ton of books and watched videos but it is a minefield so it would be good to hear some real life success stories.

OP posts:
RotemWilson · 17/12/2024 14:53

It sounds like both your son and yourself are struggling with this sense of isolation. and firstly I'd like to say to you, from a parenting coach perspective, that your awareness and care for this issue are key to helping him navigate these challenges. The first thing which I am sure you are doing already, is validate his feelings, show empathy to his frustration without trying to "fix it" or take it away. make him feel "seen" you can also encourage him for his efforts by saying something like: "It’s brave of you to keep trying, even when it’s hard. That shows a lot of strength". secondly I'll say that every child (and adult) has the need to feel connected socially and also feel significant in a way that they contribute meaningfully. I suggest, obviously without knowing the full family situation, to start strengthening this feeling for him at home by highlighting every moment when he helps, shares from his skills, or contributes to others. For example: “Your story made your brother laugh so much! You have a real gift for making people happy.” then gradually build his confidence to bring this contribution to the school setting in the way that he feels comfortable with, like sharing with the class some of his interests, helping the teacher etc. I would also try getting the school more involved in suggesting them to pair him up with a friend for school work or projects, if you say 1-on-1 works well for him to give the other kids an opportunity to get to know him better. Lastly I'll say that social skills take are a muscle that take time to develop, especially for children with developmental delays. Each small step makes a huge difference. so by focusing on building his confidence, teaching him social tools, and reinforcing his strengths at home, you’re creating a strong foundation for him to grow socially.
It sounds like you’re already doing so much to support him, and your commitment will continue to guide him toward meaningful friendships in the future. 🙏

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