4 year old dd wont listen to anything i say/jealous of brother ?help

[lins1uk]

hi i have a four year old daughter and she is going through a really naughty phase at moment wont listen to anything i say and if i ask her to do something all i get is either no or ignored!
she is also being selfish with her baby brother whos 1 and when he goes to play wuith her in her room she will take her toys off him and torment him i even caught her kicking him out of her room saying she didnt want to play!
i dont know if shes just jealous of him or what?
she has been fine up to now so i just dont know what i can do?
it seems as though all i do is tell her off and i feel awful,
any advice ???

It is her age Im afraid. It (like all other phases) will pass but that doesnt mean that you should let her be like this. Oh its a joy isnt it. Dont think she is jealous though.

Yeah, bloody exhausting isn't it. When she won't let her brotgher play, maybe she just wants some privacy and space. Could maybe ask her whether she would like her own space in her bedroom and then proceed to have a very riotous and fun game of hide and seek with the little one. Sure she will start to realise that cooperation and letting others join in is much more fun. At leaat for 20 minutes anyway!

My DD1 is the same (just turned 4) she is such a sweetie normally and always has been but it seems she has developed strnage 'teenage' tendancies.

I'm sure they must have some sort of hormone surge at this age that causes this?????

She even did a full-on 'Kevin the teenager' walk/strop today - I coudln't stifle the laughter I'm afraid (and that made it a lot worse of course )

yes i feel like laughing at times because she acts like she 24 not 4 lol

My 4.5DS is always taking toys of his baby brother 18m, we tell him off all the time and have read that we are supposed to ignore the bad behaviour but what about when he hits? and how long do you ignore it? especially if he saddles up and wants to play nicely. Anyone got any advice (maybe its his Testosterone?? boost x p.s. new to Mumsnet so just picking up the lingo

i think it must be there age!

i think rather than telling off re: the toys/not wanting to play etc, it's better to be understanding rather than tell them off.

They don't have to share ALL the time - no adult shares their stuff ALL the time, so I think it's ok for older siblings to say no at times and to want their own toys. you can tell them that you understand the baby can be annoying, and negotiate with them, as in 'I'll play with the baby while you play with (whatever), then later maybe we'll play bubbles all together, shall we?' or something like that.

I think it's a bit of reverse psychology; kids who don't have to share all the time sometimes find sharing easier, funnily enough; if you always have a younger sibling in your face and in your stuff you get very territorial IMO!

So I think deal with most stuff by negotiating and making plans of what you CAN get them to play with together...if a child is taking toys off the baby, get them to decide what they WILL give the baby that they don't mind handing over etc

If it's hitting then obviously you need to not ignore that, use time out or whatever, but I don't think you need to continually tell them off - just a NO, then the consequence, then move on.

HTH

i taught my 4 year old "the big sister trick".

pretend to be really interested in a toy
younger DD wants it
give it to her
then you get to play with what you really want.

this has gone down very well - DD1 feels like she has some kind of "control" as well as feeling like i'm treating her like a big girl / recognising that DD2 (2.5) can be annoying.

generally they play very well together though.

and as for the ignoring, no, refusing to do as i ask, well yes it is just the age i think. i am about to buy the book "how to talk so kids will listen" as recommended by other mnetters, will let you know how i get on!