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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I cannot for life of me go out with my toddler

8 replies

Babybellaboo · 15/12/2024 19:43

Hi guys, i'm a first time mum of a 2 year old. But i'm really struggling right now. I need to sort myself out as it's affecting me and my daughter. I literally cannot go out on my own with my daughter i don't know if it's depression or what i'm really not sure. I can go out with my partner with my daughter or my friends but i just cannot bring myself to go out anywhere with her on my own i don't know if it's directly due to her or if it's me not being able to go out on my own i don't know I just wondered if this was a thing. It's really upsetting me cos i will stay in all day and feel so trapped and then go for a drive or go shopping when. my partners back but it's awful. I don't know what i can do to fix this. I feel like a shit mum. Please tell me someone else has this or if anyone knows how to fix this or have advice.

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skkyelark · 15/12/2024 21:04

Can you go out on your own without her? What are you worried about happening if you go out on your own with her, or what puts you off? Can you put into words what's going on in your head when you've been in all day, starting to feel trapped...but can't get out even for a quick walk?

If you are okay going out on your own without her, but the logistics of managing a toddler on your own seem overwhelming, could you start small? Like up and down your street or visiting a very close neighbour small – then if you need to, it's really easy to nip home.

purplemoonparty · 15/12/2024 23:53

I am not a medical professional but I have been through something very similar and I have been told that it's likely post natal anxiety.

It's the feeling being overwhelmed by the infinite possibilities that things can go wrong when you're alone with DD. The anxiety paralysis you at home and not being able to go out.

I suggest that you speak to your GP and/or find some talking therapy if you can.

Practically, I would suggest that you try walking to the post box near you to start with. Just pram and baby and just for 10 mins. Start small and build up from there.

Mine are now 7 and 4. This feeling does lessen over time x

Original poster

Babybellaboo · 16/12/2024 16:03

purplemoonparty · 15/12/2024 23:53

I am not a medical professional but I have been through something very similar and I have been told that it's likely post natal anxiety.

It's the feeling being overwhelmed by the infinite possibilities that things can go wrong when you're alone with DD. The anxiety paralysis you at home and not being able to go out.

I suggest that you speak to your GP and/or find some talking therapy if you can.

Practically, I would suggest that you try walking to the post box near you to start with. Just pram and baby and just for 10 mins. Start small and build up from there.

Mine are now 7 and 4. This feeling does lessen over time x

Hiya, thank you for your helpful comment. It is exactly how you described i feel paralysed i want to go out but I just can't. I don't use the pram anymore when i did i went out but since she started walking it's a lot harder. I feel like my head is just so silly sometimes. I'm actually in therapy and never mentioned this so maybe i might bring this to my next session.

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Original poster

Babybellaboo · 16/12/2024 16:04

skkyelark · 15/12/2024 21:04

Hiya, thanks for your reply. It's like an overwhelming feeling when i know i need to go out or I want to go out. It's not that i don't want to cos i do. But even like a trip to the local shop it's like a i get a mental block i realised it was bad when i needed to go to shop for one thing and i ordered it which wasted money and was just ridiculous I have no idea how to break this cycle. Because even the drive of wanting to do it is not enough

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theeyeofdoe · 16/12/2024 21:47

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purplemoonparty · 17/12/2024 16:13

Definitely worth brining up in the next session with your therapist. It's often the small things that show the bigger issue.

I would say between 2-3 years old stage brings a new stage of challenges. They want to walk or do things themselves but they cannot ensure their safety and it brings a heap of anxiety.

You're not alone. Send you lots of hugs.

Jellycats4life · 17/12/2024 17:48

I remember feeling like I couldn’t cope being out with my child by myself. I think it started when she was around 10 months old. She could cry and cry in the buggy and wanted to be held. But she was too heavy for me to carry one handed and push the buggy, so I had numerous awful trips out, feeling utterly helpless with this screaming, hysterical child.

Once that’s happened to you a few times, you start deciding to stay indoors, don’t you? Yes, I also had PND/anxiety, but it definitely came out of some very bad experiences!

Then she got older and would both refuse to be in the buggy AND would refuse to walk. Again, lots of screaming and meltdowns which really dragged my mental health down and affected my confidence and ability to cope.

Does any of that sound familiar? It was a really grim time for me.

SuperSleepyBaby · 17/12/2024 23:04

How about just try walking out of the house with her for a very short distance- and then go home- next time go a little further.

having everything ready the bight before helps - clothes, bags, shoes, coats etc.

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