I shouted at my toddler after she smacked me multiple times

[Hg07]

She’s almost 3 and has been smacking, scratching and kicking me a lot recently. She sometimes does it to my partner, but it’s mainly me and sometimes she’ll run across the room just to hit me when she’s angry, even if I’ve had nothing to do with her feeling upset.
I’m big on talking about feelings, giving her space to let her feelings out and not shaming her for it, but still explaining it isn’t okay to do any of those things.
Usually I’m pretty good at walking away or not letting it impact me too much, but recently I’m finding the behaviour pretty triggering.
This evening I completely snapped at her, we were sat having dinner and she was shouting at me to give her more chicken, I calmly explained that all the chicken had been eaten and she hit me multiple times, threw her cutlery at me and whacked me with her sister’s silicone bib and I don’t know what came over me but I screamed at her to leave me alone and stop hitting me. I could tell she was scared and now I feel awful.
I guess I’m just wanting to see if anyone else has done this and how they repaired things with their child. Any advice on the hitting would be good too, for those who have experienced this.

Can you just have a chat with her tomorrow about why you shouted? Like explain to her that when she was hurting you by hitting and throwing things it made you scared and angry and you reacted by shouting. You can say you’re sorry for shouting at her etc. But try to relate it to her behaviour - so asking how she felt when you shouted and then saying that when she hits you or is nasty to you then you feel scared or angry and it may help her to make a link between her actions and the feelings that come from them?

You shouted at her because she needed shouting at.

Your current approach is obviously not working. I think some adults overestimate the emotional maturity of what are very small children, trying to talk about feelings with an cross 3 year old is never going to work.

If she hits, you pick her up and tell her very firmly to not do it. Then put her down and make a fuss over the person she hits (or walk away if it's you).

I actually agree with @theeyeofdoe

Her hitting behaviour is not acceptable if she has not been diagnosed with any SEND. It seems that she needs some boundaries setting by you. Little ones need love and boundaries. They have to know that they cannot hit you under any circumstances. (If she has SEND then it's different as she probably cannot control it).

Don't worry - you haven't done anything wrong.

Honestly a short sharp shock can do wonders.

Nearly 3 = testing boundaries, big feelings, not very rational.
But that doesn't mean accepting it. Assuming she has typical development and language understanding, she's old enough to understand that's not ok.

Boundaries matter, and hitting is an absolute no no in my book. Natural consequences... throw something.. it goes away whether it's a toy or cutlery. Hit me... walk away with a 'hitting STOPS!'
Don't use long sentences or long conversations about feelings.. she's not old enough or rational enough in this phase for it to sink in. Make STOP the word at the ned of the sentence, because that's the bit she will hear... you can have better converations when shes older.
And no you won't have traumatised her, but actually she's just discovered that you DO have limits!