Help! Is this normal baby behaviour???!

[thisisthelast]

I know I always seem to be moaning but I am actually a bit worried about dd2.

I thought it would be easier second time round but it's so completely different.

DD1 was always a very placid and easy going little baby (awful toddler but lovely as a baby!).

DD2 is a completely different matter. I still don't understand her and she's 9 months old.

I feel awful for admitting that but she is so so so different and very very difficult.

She has always been a miserable little sod but her temper calmed down a little when she could crawl at 8 months.

She still screams in her carseat and often in the pram.

She constantly flaps her arms, sometimes hitting herself. This concerns me as I have heard it's a sign of autism.

I know she is far too young to tell but she really seems nothing like anyone elses baby.

She has never been happy to just sit and watch. She is always fidgetting, flapping her arms and hitting things,

especially the spoon when being fed.

She can never just sit and be content. She shouts out extremely loudly and angrily.

Almost like she has no knowledge of her doing it. It's a loud and aggressive grunt/roaring sound.

She always has to have something to play with and handle. Even when sat

in a chair she has to reach out and grab the nearest object or wriggle to get away.

She still can't sit for more than 2 minutes in my or dp's lap before she's wriggling and arching her back to be put down.

Does this sound anything to worry about? I don't know whether she's just very inquisitive or completely barking mad.

I know I shouldn't compare her but she is so different to dd1 which is why I am so worried.

Help!

I am not an expert, but she just sounds like a very different kind of baby from no. 1. Which is allowed!

IME some people just aren't happy being babies - they suddenly perk up when the reach a stage that suits them. Crawling, for some, or walking, or talking, or lots of other things. Must be very frustrating if you want to go and get things for yourself/communicate your needs clearly but you can't do it!

The grunting thing obviously bothers you - have you talked to your HV?

My DD is like this..she is 18 months, she always has to have something to play with and also waves her hands arounds, kicks or shakes her head constantly. I have no worries about her being autistic as she is talking well, comes for cuddles, points things out etc, she just has LOTS and LOTS of excess energy. She isn't quite walking yet but when she does I am sure she will run everywhere!! She also will only be held for a minute before wanting down!!

Also, my friends DS is 8 months old and makes that roaring sound..and I met a 9 month old today who made the same roaring sound, I think they are just practising using their voice and it comes out in a loud shouty way!!

this sounds like my dd as a baby, never ever, and still wont, just sit still of one tiny little second!
awful temper on my dd.
i was always saying, maybe she will be better when she can crawl, then maybe she will be better when she can walk, then maybe she will be better when she can talk.
but i think now it is just the way she is.

my mum says it would be lovely to have a docile child!
i think you were just lucky to have a placid first child.

neither of my children would sit on my lap once they could sit unaided, they both back arched, screamed, flailed about...

So it sounds normal to me!

I am so worried that she may have some kind of hyper activity or learning difficulty. I suppose it is because i was so lucky with dd1.

I am terrified she will always be like this and I'll never be able to control her.

I know I am worrying prematurely but I really am scared what she will turn out to be!

I'm a first time mother so you're much more experienced than me and doubt there is anything particularly helpful i could say to you except that my 7 month old DD sounds very similar - she is generally happy but very loud and loves to screech, flap, bang things/herself and is constantly on the move and grabbing and wriggling and needs entertaining all the time. She also has a tendancy to do a continuous low grunt/roar/growl when she is frustrated or tired - i've only met one other baby who does this!! - and seems unaware of the strange noise she is making. I am learning to try to block this noise out because it drives me up the wall, but i thiink its nothing to worry about. I put her behaviour and noise making down to being very curious about the world and wanting to interact with people/objects around her!!

thisisthelast, i feel exactly the same about mine. if i cant control her now, what will she be like when she is 5 or 6. she is 2.6 and is forever running off in shops and cafes.
we go for coffee every wednesday in town, and today she would not sit down at all, kept running to the toy box, to the door, up and down the steps, and screams if i do try to stop her.
i do let her gat away with things that other people (my mum) think is not acceptable, but i have different priorities, and hopefully she will become easier when she gets older.
or so i keep telling myself.

You'd think I'd be more experienced but really I'm not, dd1 was so laid back and quiet.

DD2 is still a bit of a shock to the system! Made me doubt my mothering skills and seriously dented my confidence!

Thanks for replying anyway, it's good to know I'm not alone! DD1 was so happy just being talked to and watching.

DD2 has to be a part of everything, up in my arms but if I sit with her she wriggles and cries!

She has to touch and mouth everything. Perhaps it is 'normal' but I just needed to hear it from someone else!

lizandlulu, I'm sure this is what my dd will be like! Having said that, dd1 is similar now and she was the perfect baby!

What was your dd like as a baby?

You see so many people said "it's easier second time round" and for me it really wasn't - almost exactly the same experience as you and it peaked at around 9months. I was so paranoid and depressed - doubting my parenting ability which I'd never done with DS1 - first time around i was very laid back - because I had an easy baby without realising it. I was almost on the point of a breakdown as he wouldn't sleep, was screaming all the time - so similar to what you're describing - and I thought I was a crap mum.

DS2 is now 16 months and still a holy terror - climbing, raging - nothing like his brother. I've realised with hindsight that I wasn't doing a bad job - it's just that baby 2 was TOTALLY different and everything I'd done with no 1 didn't work with him. So I thought it was MY fault. Now I try different things or if the worse comes to the worse, stick cbeebies on and go and have a cup of tea!

Hang in there. It does get easier. Well...it gets easier and harder in different ways- but don't worry, it's normal. Maybe we should get our second children together!

Oh that would be a good idea! Although, god knows what sor of horrors they come up with if we put two together!

Please tell me that you do have good moments with him now though. I really don't seem to be enjoying dd2 at all which makes me feel dreadful.

I have yet to meet anyone who says, 'oh, I had two/three/four, etc children who were ALL the same!'. Animal breeders will tell you how different pups/kittens/etc are from the same litter and thus it is so for human babies. I think it is a little early for detecting signs of ASD (or other problem), your dd still has lots and lots of time to develop as expected. Do your two dds play well together? Perhaps as dd2 gets older she will begin to follow dd1's example and give you some peace. Lots of babies are active but it's too early to formally diagnose an attention deficit at 8mths old - my ds is 5.3yrs and although he meets the criteria for ADHD, he hasn't been formally diagnosed with it because he is deemed to be too young.

she was nearly exactly the same as yours, but mine dodnt do the grunting sounds. she would never just sit and watch.
and she didnt eat well either. there is an advert on tv at the mo where the baby just sits waiting for the food liek a little bird with his mouth open. i would have loved for my dd to have doe that.
she used to cry in the evenings for about an hour solid. i just used to put her in her swinging chair and leave her in the hall. there was nothing to do to calm her, and my gp said she didnt think it was colic. so i let her got on with it.
for a good few months she was a miserable baby, and i was a miserable mum!

That roaring is just lovely isn't it?? My ds is almost 9 months and alternately roars (it sounds like he's struggling to get out of something, but he's just sitting on the floor unfettered!) and screeeeeeams quite happily. He can do minute screams lasting only a second each, over and over, it's quite embarassing when he does it in public. He was starting to talk but it has been abandoned in favour of the roaring and screaming.

He also flaps his ams around quite a bit, and smacks/grabs the spoon, so blw is popular round here! He's really inquisitive and is constantly looking for new things to touch and explore, phone wires, glasses, hot teacups, you know, the usual... he won't sit still still much at all these days.

tbh it sounds like your dd is very bright, and craving stimulation for that little ticking mind! Apart from her being knackering for you, I wouldn't worry, she sounds perfectly normal, just different to your first.

Oh God, I hate that bloody advert! Is it the one for cow and gate porridge! That advert really brings it home how different my dd is!

She never cries for more than a few minutes (unless in the car) as I am always moving her around and walking with her.

Giving her new toys and things to explore but she would scream and scream if I didn't! It's just a constant barage of whinges and shouty/roaring.

I really hope it gets easier at some point. I feel sorry for dd1 who I really miss just hanging out with.

DD1 and DD2 do play and interact. DD2 likes looking at other babies too and touching their faces and lauhing at them!

Oh yeah that's exactly it James. Sounds like she's trying to get something out.

I really worried at first if she was actually in pain or something!

It's a giant grunt and like a pushing roaring sound! But then she happily goes back to whatever she's playing with as if it hasn't happened!

Maybe she is just very bright. She always reaches for hot mugs and cups too!

She sounds very bright to me- the opposite to having a learning difficulty, like she wants to be heard, to take part, to be entertained, to be in the thick of it socially, etc. Sounds like good news.

My DD although younger is like this. Glad I'm not the only one! The continuous shouting drives me mad, I sometimes wear cotton wool in my ears

Ey up thisisthelast! Haven't spoke to you in a while. She sounds exactly like my ds who I have complained written about before!

How you getting on twinkleymum? we spoke on the what the hell thread.

Nice to hear that poodlepusher thinks it's the oposite of learning difficulty, as you know I have had the same concerns about my ds. He is so damn moody and irritable. Still not mobile though and he is itching to be off and independant.

I know it's hard work but you're doing great!

lol yes thats the one

my dd always has to be touching something, lift buttons, credit card machine buttons, always trying to poke things on holes

and she is like the amazing disapearing child. she has started to not want to go in her pushchair (not that she ever wanted to, but i made her) and so will walk with me in town. she can be stood with me in one aisle in a shop, i take my eye off her to look at something, and she can be gone, off like a rocket, only to be found playing with the 'pretties' or toys.
she cant help herself touching the 'pretties' and can be a bit rough trying to pull them off the hangers. have actually had to pay for 2 necklaces she has broken (dorothy perins in the sale which wasnt too bad, then one in monsoon, which was bad)

DD already reaches for things in shops and credit card machines if she's in the seat on the shopping trolley or in our arms she

is always reaching out and trying to press buttons and grabbing things off shelves. Then has a whinge fit when we take it off her.

It's hard, how have you coped for 2 and half years? I'm going mad after 9 months.

Hi meandmyjoe, dd2s mood has lightened since crawling so I hope the same happens for you.

She's still a lot more difficult than dd1 was but she doesn't cry as much as she did.

It's just her behaviour/body language/ shouting which bothers me. Everyone looks really shocked

when she makes these noises and I worry that they must think there's something wrong with her. Even I think there is sometimes!

Felt compelled to respond because my DDs are a world apart. DD1 was always perfect baby, toddler & child. Always first to hit her milestones, and now is top of her year academically in yr2. DD2 was HORRENDOUS til a few weeks ago. She is 2&8months. Now she is fantastic company and a lot more fun than DD1 ever was. She talks really well now, nursery says she has vocab of 3 1/2 yo, although didn't start talking til 2. I often resented her for being the child from hell, even to the point that we would never go out as a family because she would make it so difficult. It has taken me a long time to realise that they are both soooo different and have seperate identities, but I love them both (sometimes DD2 more, never thought I would say that). She enjoys life in a way that DD1 never will, she just goes for it without ever considering the consequences. Mind you, sometimes feels that we will always be waiting for that first ASBO

Lol drivinmecrazy, we have nicknamed our Joseph ASBO JOE already! He's such a distructive little sod.

i live with my mum and dad (and dh!) so i have had lots of help.
dh keep talking about havng another baby, but i just cant imagine having to cope with dd and a new baby. there is not enough of me to go round