Losing the will to live with child's behaviour.

[brightpompoms]

My daughter is bright, funny and generally lovely most of the time.

But she has these almighty meltdowns from time to time. She also won't tolerate any after school clubs. She hates being told what to do.

At home things are mostly great. She's happy at home. Eats well, plays, creative, hardly any tv, no other screens. Tidies her room, and is lovely to be around.

Generally she doesn't want to go out and given the choice wouldn't go to school. Obviously she doesn't have a choice in that. We cut out all the after school activities and life became calm. (She only ever did one a week but never liked any).

I just want to know when we worry about it not being in the range of normal?

Yesterday we had a meeting at school as her behaviour is escalating and she hit the head teacher. I can't tell you what a shock this is.

Bump

Bump

Is this a new thing or has to become worse recently? How old is she?

Also How did the school react to her hitting the headteacher?

What led to her hitting the HT @brightpompoms and how old is she?

Sorry should definitely have mentioned she's 6, year 2.

HT is calm and all for natural consequences.

We wonder if this is all over the school play stress and general Christmas excitement.

There was a slight change in routine that lead to the issue. Dad normally takes her in to school on that day but she went it with a family friend. She was angry and it escalated into not wanting to go into the school building. Then sitting in the cloakroom all morning.

Yesterday they were practising the play and a fire alarm went off and that started the episode where she tipped over the tuff tray.

It's not completely out of character. The anger started when her sibling was born when she was 2. Then every so often there's a flare up. We've been having a few months of calm and peace so I thought she'd grown out of it. Each flare up will be connected with a change or something new.

From what you've said it sounds as though she was completely overwhelmed and is struggling to regulate her emotions and this has been going in for some time?

What work do school do with her to help with this? Do they do anything like Zones of Regulation? Has she got any Social Stories to help her?

Has anyone suggested getting an ECHP?

It might be worth you reading up on how ASD presents in girls as not liking change and not being able to regulate can he factors

I'll have to google these terms and look them up.
She's only been in the school a term so this is all new. She has only recently started behaving like this in school the last few weeks.

At the moment school have given three targets to aim for about behaviour.

I'd echo what @TinyMouseTheatre said. Definitely worth doing some reading on how ASD presents in girls, as there are quite a few things in your post that could fit (or might not, people are complicated!).

Does she get any extra support around routine changes or special events at school? How do you support her with these at home? Christmas is a time of lots of fun special events, but if a child relies on a predictable routine to cope with the world, they aren't fun at all (or maybe the event itself is, but the before and after isn't). That would also fit with behaviour at school escalating in the last few weeks.

Does she struggle with loud noises, shrill noises, or loud and busy places at all? I'm just wondering, as you mentioned the fire alarm being the tipping point.

Sorry English isn't my first language. What are the 'natural consequences' for hitting a teacher? Suspension?

I wonder if there isn't some other issue at work. In my experience that kind of violence in a child that isn't typically violent would be a sign of bullying or some kind of abuse. Do be viligant that another teacher or student or family memeber isn't mistreating her behind your back.

I'll have to google these terms and look them up

Ok, I'll see if I can help

Zones of Regulation

Social Storiess*

ECHPP*

And ASD is Autism Spectrum Disorder although I personally don't like that term as I just look on it as being wired differently. Obviously though it is a spectrum and can affect some a lot more than others

@skkyelark when she was younger she hated big class parties in halls and discos at school.
She likes being at home. She has a CD player which she actually may choose to put on quite loudly with her own disco light.

I feel she could be considered for ASD or she could just be a quirky one. So hard to know either way isn't it.

@BeSnappyOtter thank you, I don't know about natural consequences for hitting the teacher but the whole incident meant she was late for lunch and then missed a show afterwards that was in the school.

She doesn't attend childcare and we don't have any family who look after them. But I will be vigilant.

Wow thank you so much for those links. Really kind of you to take the time.

Wow thank you so much for those links. Really kind of you to take the time

No problem at all. Did you manage to read up on how ASD can present in girls?

Can you tell us what happened in the meeting with School? What did they suggest to try and help your Dd?

They asked what worked at home: nothing. Just time for the meltdown to end

They asked if she like was like it in her last school: no

They want to monitor and see what January brings incase this is Xmas related.

I have read up on asd in girls and in general. She doesn't fit many of the criteria. I wonder how many ticks would indicate asd?

Like Skyye says it can be complicated. Our DC2 was fine in Nursery and Primary but really struggled on High School. Just because they are fine in one settling and not in another does not rule out ASD. Girls with ASD can be great at masking until they become overwhelmed and their coping mechanisms fail them.

So it could be the excitement of Christmas but it ciukd also be the change in routine, couple with excitement and noise that mean that she can no longer cope and she has got ASD.

My DC2 also has difficulty with language although it's probably imperceptible to most people. I'd do this simple Speech & Language progress checker and see how she scores.

When you say how many ticks woukd indicate ASD, which checklist have you been looking at?