Depressed 8 year old?

[lespameo]

Hi

My 8 year old stepdaughter lives with us full time and has done for 4 years. Her mum has her one night a fortnight (if she feels up to it).

Im worried about SD as she can't seem to regulate her emotions and wondered if anyone has any ideas on how to improve things?
I find myself getting frustrated as it's crying or sulking multiple times a day and it's rubbing off on the rest of the household (her sister, her dad and my two children).

I want her to be happy but i think she's showing signs of depression and my partner thinks I'm being OTT and there's nothing wrong, that she's just sensitive.

Examples

She wrote a note to someone and the recipient couldn't read it and said so. she spent 30 mins crying in her bedroom after the event because 'everyone hates my writing'.

Most days will cry over what we're having for tea. Will eat it, but at a snails pace. Would happily go without tea every day (but would wolf down a bowl of cereal or toast for supper and snack on crap all day).

If anyone says anything to her and she doesn't like what's being said, she'll create an argument with said individual, then cry that everyone hates her and that she's being bullied. This happens at school and home and feel she's misinterpreting what bullying is.

I bought her a journal to try promote confidence but she isn't very good at expressing herself so most days it just says things like 'I had a good day as I got to play with my friends' or something generic like that.

Any advice? Thanks in advance x

I think you're right to think that something else might be going on but I'm just some random on the internet so can't say if it's depression.

If she's struggling to express herself in the journal, how does she do on this progress checker from Speech & language Uk?

Are school doing anything with her like Zones of Regulation?

Whats wrong with her Mother? Is she in poor health? Is the daughters behaviour perhaps a reaction to the broken relationship with the mother or not getting enough attention from the mother?

I agree that is probably a major factor. My "D"M was physically present but very neglectful and it took quite a few years to recover.

Therapy will be difficult though if she can't express how she feels. Is she getting anything like art or play therapy OP?

Thank you for replying and sorry for taking so long !!

@TinyMouseTheatre I've never heard of either of these things so I will look into them, and speak with school. I did contact school earlier this year about her and felt fobbed off to be honest. Maybe as I'm not the one with parental responsibility?

@BeSnappyOtter her mother is a total waste of space. The 2 DSDs living with me are children 3 and 4 to her. She's then had another 3 after that. I do think that the mother has a huge part to play in her emotions and behaviour but my DP believes she should have a role in their lives regardless of how it negatively impacts them. I mean... I cant imagine how it must feel to be neglected by my mum, then her having 3 more children and refusing to see me as she's got 'no money' or 'one of the younger children aren't well'. It's shameful.

@TinyMouseTheatre I've never heard of either of these things so I will look into them, and speak with school. I did contact school earlier this year about her and felt fobbed off to be honest. Maybe as I'm not the one with parental responsibility

Has your DP raised anything with the school? Maybe you could write an email to them together?

Yes will give it a go. He doesn't seem concerned like me. Just thinks she's quiet and shy!

I think even if she is quiet he should recognise the trauma she's experiencing. It's not unreasonable to seek support for her