4 year old DD terrified of pain - help!

[BlueCornflower]

My 4 year old is really scared of getting hurt. This weekend she got a tiny tiny splinter in her hand but she completely refused to let me or DH near it. We were eventually allowed to look but not to touch. We tried calmly explaining, bribery - everything but she was terrified of it hurting if we pulled it out. (Eventually it came out by itself.)

The last few occasions when she has fallen and hurt her knees have just been a nightmare as she won't allow cream on them or anything, and I can't get her in the bath for days. I dread anything serious happening to her. She was completely hysterical for her MMR.

Any ideas on how I can help her not fear pain so much??? She is genuinely really scareed of it hurting more if I try and make it better.

Sounds like my DD... We just don't make too much of a fuss and she is getting better with bumps and grazes. DD is also 4

Have you tried minimal reaction to slight scrapes? I remember having to do similar with ds1, he'd fall and i'd be very jolly and say oh dear and never mind and then distract him quickly.

is it just people touching an already existing wound that causes this reaction?

does she avoid situations where she might get hurt? does she get overly hysterical when she first hurts herself?

if not and it's just the touching of an existing injury that upsets her i'd say she's pretty normal tbh, some of us are pickers and pokers and some don't like anything done to an cut or scrape.

try and talk to her when she's not hurt about how when somebody injures themselves it needs to be cleaned and kept clean in case of infection as she's old enough to start understanding issues of hygiene like that but as for the fear itself, i wouldn't make an issue of it or worry too much. dp is 27 and still can't stand even seeing me clean a cut, never mind having it done to himself. he's a reasonable well adjusted individual

I feel I ignore it too much, tbh. She makes such a fuss about the tiniest thing that I say 'oh dear, how sad', give it a quick kiss and send her on her way.

PinkTulips (like the name!)- She doesn't avoid getting hurt and doesn't get really hysterical when hurt - it's just when we ask to 'sort it out'. Maybe she will always be like it.

Good idea about talking to her about hygiene when she is okay, by the way. Thanks.

There is no guarantee because she is like this now, that she always will be. My dd was the same at this age, major drama queen. We dealt with it in the same way as you ('Oh dear', quick kiss) and it has changed as she has got older.

(It now turns out that she has a genetic disorder, which does lead to a lot of pain and injury, so it's just as well that she has learnt to cope with it.)

She is now 11 and had an operation earlier this year; I was impressed by how well she dealt with things like the drip and the pain and reaction to coming round.

I think all you can do is to stay calm. If a wound desperately needed cleaning to be safe I would be prepared to pin a child down, but on the other hand I'd probably cut them a bit of slack about relatively unnecessary things like cream or baths when you have grazed knees.