Parenting a child with a speech delay

[Toystory123]

Hi, my 2 year old has a speech delay and has very few words ( a couple of animal noises and certain noises that sound like a couple of phrases eg ‘oh no’ but are used for a wide variety of stuff). Their understanding is perhaps a little behind compared to their peers which I’m assuming is linked to their speech. They’re quite lively and strong willed and we’ve definitely entered our toddler tantrums. If anyone else has had/has got similar with their DC what are your best techniques and tips? I’m finding it tricky as they don’t have the understanding yet for me to explain things well eg wouldn’t understand I said we were going to the shop/park etc. They don’t really understand now and next. If told ‘no’ or ‘stop’ they mostly ignore or alternatively, they understand the command and it frustrates them which leads to them repeating the behaviour but becoming more emotional whilst doing it. Sometimes they enjoy the reaction of being told not to do something and it becomes funny/a game. They will hit/try to bite/kick when they’re really upset etc. I do pick my battles, try to pre empt, distract, and have firm boundaries so will leave places, spend time letting them get their energy out but would love to hear what anyone else does but particularly if your DC has a communication delay. Thank you!!

Have you spoken to salt yet? Frustration is what I've always found the most difficult. You can put things in place over time to deal with this. Will they hand lead? Have you tried using pecs or object to reference, makaton or similar to bridge the communication gap? The more communication you get going via alternative methods (these will also promote speech development) the more the behaviour will improve. Currently they are communicating in the only way they can via their behaviour. Behaviour is communication at the end of the day, they need a more positive way of getting what they want.

When ds was around this age we started off with a small amount of visuals which he used for basic requests. For example he could bring a picture of his cup to me and I'd know he wanted a drink. It's far more complicated than that and takes time to teach but that's the basic premise, salt would be helpful with this. Visuals can also be used to support transitions. We would get behaviour purely because ds didn't understand what was happening which made him anxious. We used visuals to help him understand transitions. For example we'd show him a picture of the car and the park before we went. As he got older he needed more Information so we'd break it down further for him.

Ds would act badly to 'no' so we used a symbol initially and then moved onto finished which worked better for him. We still use that to this day. Being firm is important but ultimately the more you put things in place for him the less frustrated he's going to be.

Its tough, it really is but well worth the hard work.

Thanks so much for your reply, super helpful.
Do you mind me asking when your DS’s speech started to come on a bit more?
We’ve had the 2 year review and self referred to SALT just after he turned 2. However, haven’t heard anything from them but have been told it’s a long waiting list. We did a programme with our local children’s centre aimed at communication and speech, which was nice but pretty much covered everything we’re already doing.
Visuals is a great idea, I’ll look into it a bit further. If you were going to the park for example would you use a photo of the park or the symbol for it? My only concern about PECS previously was that I didn’t want to add another element of learning and for DC to opt for that over vocalisations but it’s good to hear it was successful for you.
DC does hand lead and can accurately ask for different things eg specific foods depending what cupboards they lead me to and will pass me his bottle and lead me to the tap if he’s thirsty & we attended a baby/then toddler sign class for about a year but he was too busy running around and exploring to really engage in class but ‘stop’ sign has stuck and he’ll use it on the swings etc but seems to be very playground specific. I still use some signs for drink, eat etc but he’s never really copied/used them.
I think the biggest struggle is more abstract situation as most of the time I do know what he wants. He really struggles with waiting and sharing, which I know most do at that age but his reactions are quite extreme. It’s as if he think he’s being told he can’t do something rather than he can but not just yet. Is there anything that worked well for you in them cases? He also struggles (sometimes) with different situations. For example, I took him to a stay and play at a gymnastics club and when we arrived he had a 45 minute tantrum (🙃). So I stayed calm and soothed, tried to engage him in play, used simple language , tried to show him what other children were doing so he could see that it was fun. When he finally calmed enough and I had him engaged with playing with a ball, within 10 minutes he was running all over the place and loved it, then had a tantrum as he didn’t want it to finish at the end. But it’s situations like that where I can’t communicate effectively it’s an ok situation that I struggle with

Ds is an extreme case. Speech delays are fairly common and most will go on to gain functional speech. Ds was non verbal till nearly 9. It was actually an alternative communication method which led to the speech he now has. He's now 15, has some speech (it's complicated), he mainly uses a high tech communication aid. He communicates effectively.

Unfortunately my experience of nhs salt is it's a mess. We've had a lot of success with private salt.

Alternative communication methods are very much misunderstood. The goal is communication and they very much do help support speech development if used correctly (they often aren't). For the park for ds I would use a picture of the actual park. It depends what your little one is okay with. At 2 we needed printed out visuals, now we use a picture on our phone or he chooses which park himself via his communication aid.

Whether you use pecs, object to reference, makaton, high tech aac the idea is to get them used to some sort of communication and support speech development. Hand leading is helpful but doesn't promote independence. It's great for letting you know what he wants but he is 100% reliant on you. That's fine at this age but trust me it's huge issue as they grow older, it's incredibly limited. With alternative methods you're essentially supporting the verbal word with a symbol/picture/sign. They can't say it currently but you absolutely can. Modelling is exceptionally important. For example if they wanted a biscuit, you could use a picture they could bring to you, point to etc, you'd have to model how they do this, it's something that takes time to learn. Many years in our situation. Once they've indicated this is what they want or you have modelled it you say 'biscuit' and give them time to make a vocal attempt if they are able to. Never withhold anything, the goal is to teach them a more positive way of communicating without distressing them at all. Ds showed zero interest in makaton, very little in pecs really. It's finding what works for them.

Requests are obviously far easier. For other situations such as you mention at gymnastics. Did he understand that's were he was going? For ds he would behave like this because he was anxious, he needs to know what's going on. It sounds like he settled into it and struggled with the transition of the activity ending. This was a huge issue for us. The thing that eventually worked was signing 'one more finished', it's the only sign he's ever taken any notice of. It's essentially a warning sign to tell him the activity is finishing. I usually do this 5-10 mins before the end so he can get used to the idea. I then say finished and show him visually what's happening next. He didn't understand verbally so it's another way of including him, a way he understands.

Waiting is a difficult skill at 2. We implemented a visual waiting symbol, it wasn't successful till much later but we had significant receptive language issues until age 6. At this stage the goal is some sort of functional communication to hopefully reduce his need to display challenging behaviours. The more communication ds has gained in whatever form the more the challenging behaviours have reduced. Ultimately he just wants want he wants and if he's got a positive way to get that there's no need to behave negatively.

I hope this makes some sense! I've waffled.

I’m glad that you and your son have got to a place where his communication needs can be met, it must have been a tough journey for you both to get to that place

Thank you for sharing your experience - it makes a lot of sense hearing it. I think I’ve definitely underestimated the anxiety he must feel and the dependence on me. Did all the progress with different communication methods happen with your private SALT? I’m finding it tricky atm to figure out if I’m being overly worried or to look at alternative communication methods. He’s in nursery a few days a week & their 2 year review stated he’s around 0-12 month for speech/communication but haven’t expressed or commented around it really. So it’s hard to know whether it’ll come on with a bit of time but on the other hand, we attend a music group ran by an ex SALT and she has encouraged getting in touch with SALT for his communication and has highlighted his sensory needs..

Thanks for breaking down the gymnastics example, he didn’t know where we were going so I’m sure it was a lot of anxiety and will look into getting a finishing and waiting sign. I do verbal countdowns for minutes and then ‘5,4,3,2,1’ but I suspect they mean naff all to him currently

Thanks for all your advice, it’s given me lots to think about & hopefully if I start introducing some visuals/symbols it’ll help him enjoy situations wholly

At this stage you only need to put a few things in place to reduce the major issues which are frustrating him and leading to negative behaviour. That's stressful for you as much as him! He's very little and has loads of time to catch up. You aren't losing anything by putting in a few symbols/pictures (personally I'd use real photos) to reduce some of his frustration until he hopefully catches up. I wouldn't look at it anymore than that currently, hes tons of time to catch up and it often happens quickly when it starts.

For us, yes, the only progress has been with private salt. Nhs salt had zero interest helping us find something that worked for ds. That doesn't mean they can't help your ds though. Hopefully he only needs short term involvement. I would keep chasing that up as they can refer onwards if that's something that's needed.