Worried about my 9 month old - am I failing him?

[Beatsma]

Hi everyone,

I’m a first time mum to a 9 month old baby boy. Developmentally he seems on track if slightly delayed in gross motor (starting to attempt to get on all fours to crawl but hasn’t succeeded yet and doesn’t roll back to tummy much). My worries are about some of his behaviours.

He is my first baby and I have limited experience with other babies but in spite of this I can’t shake a niggly feeling that something is off with my little boy. I have shared these concerns with family and friends but they brush them off so I feel so alone - hence why I am posting here.

• I am lucky to still be on maternity leave so I get to spend every day with him but he doesn’t seem to have a strong connection to me (doesn’t miss me if I go away, won’t seek me out in a crowd or look to me for comfort, and will go to anyone).
• He makes a scrunched up face multiple times a day and has started to pick at his ears to the point where they can bleed
• He tenses his arms and legs and moves them not quite in a flapping manner but in a repetitive way when frustrated or excited. His mouth is usually wide open when he does this.
• Grunts and moans a lot and can be hard to decipher the reason for his unhappiness
• Eye contact is inconsistent and he avoids up close contact. Some days it feels like he is looking right through me
• He is not affectionate
• It can be hard to get him to engage (some days are good but others days are like a switch has gone off)
• He clams up in new environments
• He does smile and laugh but some of these are hard won. He can be quite serious and disinterested.

On the plus side, he eats and sleeps well. He babbles (but not back and forth), sits unassisted, has started to clap and looks to us to clap with him, responds to his name. He’s very bright and watches and hears everything.

I spend my day playing with him, talking to him, reading to him but I feel like I’m failing him.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has a shared experience or any advice or ideas on how I can be better for him.

Thank you from a lost mum.

It can be hard to judge, especially if it's your first, I get that.

Do you go to any groups or playgroups? I think seeing some other babies of a similar age can help.

How does he do on this 9 month speech & language checker?

Thanks for taking the time to reply @PolaroidPrincess and for including the link. I did the check and it came back with a ‘may need support with understanding, social communication’. He has only just turned 9 months so something for us to
work on.

We went to some baby classes and sensory classes a few months ago but not recently. I bring him to the playground and he seems to enjoy watching other children but most are much older so can’t compare.

Ok so if it says he needs a little support then the website Speech & Language UK have some resources on their website.

If you're in the UK I'd also call your HV. Tell her that you've done the Speech & Language UK's progress checker and it says that he needs support.

They are a very well respected charity so I'd expect your HV to have heart of them and take your concerns seriously.

I would fill in the 9 month Ages & Stages and the 12 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages and ask her to mark them. Remember though that he's at the very youngest point for the second one and a lot can change in 3 months.

The very least I'd expect from your HV is for them to listen to you, refer for a hearing test and book an appointment to check him again in a couple of months

@Beatsma Hi, my baby is going to be 6month soon.I can feel everything you described.I have mentioned this to so many person and everyone just dismiss my concern saying she is calm personality.
I can feel when you say baby see through in the eyes rather than making eye contact.my baby is almost like whatever you explained.
plus

1. She sometime doesnot respond to voice (but respond to songs mostly )
2. she is camera shy too,she dont look in canera for photograph or video call.
3. she dont want to cuddle mostly enjoy independent time. Alot of time she can play independently and sleep independently
4. She gives a very short smile not sure but rarely giggles
5. She also donot she difference in me or any of her family mamebr with other people.In a sense she is easy with everyone

even my family member thinks that I am overthinking and being anxious. This is my first baby after a miscarriage. Please let me know if you get some update.Best wishea to your daughter.

Have you had his hearing/ears checked. Scratching them until they bleed is not normal.