Trying to support and motivate young adult stepson

[StepCate]

I love my stepson but he is driving me and husband up the wall (in lots of good ways too) - but why im writing is that he's 21 and is not getting out of bed which is awkward when I'm working from home. He's waiting to hear about a military application in January but not really pushing for a temp xmas job. I know what I was like at his age. I'm specifically finding it hard to make him feel positive and strong and get up and feel lively. When i feel angry i get critical and approach it from the wrong way - and can hear my own mum and expectations. We are pretty sure he is on an autistic spectrum and not sure how to support him. I feel frustrated because I always go in too hard, wreck our friendship and then feel horrible.Husband is v involved at work and i feel this issue is not being addressed unless I push for it. There's a lot going on. Any thoughts would be really helpful... Thanks

Is the news coming in January or is the job due to start then?

What's he doing for money now?

He's just passed the aptitude assessment for the Navy and should hear about potential intake in Jan. No job at the mo, no money. He's having a year off uni. He's had a really rough time with mental health too so we're trying to support him. I just get so cross at him on the sofa all the time. He is having driving lessons and revising for theory. He does do the odd bit of shopping. We've been to the gym together. I think things will settle down eventually. Both his dad and me have lost our elderly parents over the last 3 years. It's probably normal to feel all up in the air. Thanks.

Sounds like you've been through an awful lot with him and losing your DPs and DPIL. Have you had any Grief Counselling? I found that having someone who didn't know me and who I could talk honestly with really helped.

What plans do you have for when he does fingers crossed get into the Navy?

Thank you x
Plans for when he gets into the Navy: much jubilation and splicing of the mainbrace and generally handing him over to professionals!

I can understand the jubilation! I'd still try and plan a could have things though even if it's a small lists of books to read over the Winter and trying a new group or hobby. This is the start of a lovely new stage of life where you'll get to do things for yourself. Make sure you enjoy it

Well, exactly. And it will be amazing to see him fired up with energy and positivity because he's found something he really wants, and we can all feel some relief: in a 'this might be his path' kind of way. Thank you for your thoughtful comments x