4 year old development concerns

[ByDreamyMintNewt]

Hi,

My daughter turned 4 in September and over the last year or so I've become increasingly concerned about her development. Up until around the age of 2, she hit all her milestones and was a really delightful happy baby/small toddler. Just since then, her development seems to have slowed down considerably and she still seems more like a just turned 3 year old in most respects.

Concerns:

• Speech. She speaks full sentences and understands everything, but a lot of her words are still quite tricky to understand to people outside the immediate family. I've spoken to nursery and they have said they'll practise more sounds with her. She sounds more like a younger child when she speaks and talks quite slowly too.

She also finds some pronouns tricky, like the difference between she and her. She finds it tricky to choose the right word a lot of the time too and sometimes can't get her meaning across, and gets mixed up with different concepts, for example breakfast/lunch/dinner or afternoon/evening/yesterday/tomorrow. She's quite repetitive and will repeat herself a fair bit and struggles with conversation type talking of taking it in turns and giving appropriate responses. If you ask a question she will often, although not always, just give a whingy type noise in response rather than answer (even a simple yes/no type question). She is capable of answering though so not sure if it's just that she doesn't want to talk about it.

• Funny habits. She has a few strange self soothing type habits. For example, she loves playing with her belly button. We thought she was outgrowing it but now seems to be doing it more than ever - pulling it, prodding and twisting it. We've tried to redirect her but won't leave it alone. She also often sucks on her tongue and lip while playing with it. It's almost like she's going into a trance like state sometimes while doing this.

Occasionally she will also stare at her hands and flex/unflex her fingers, but this is not so often.

• Tantrums. When she was younger she was quite placid and rarely tantrumed. But lately she gets upset more easily and cries loudly over small things and is fairly hard to reason with/calm down. She's started hiding under tables when upset too.

I think those are the main things. If you meet her then I think she initially come across as a typical 3/4 year old but then becomes a bit more unusual seeming when you spend more time with her. She is starting to stand out a bit more against her peers. I'm not sure whether it's worth escalating my concerns further or whether this is normal stuff. I've already brought up speech but nursery have never said anything to me about her, aside from mentioning/asking about her belly button. She does play nicely and imaginatively and other children like her generally.

Any suggestions or experiences? I worry about her falling behind or not getting her help if she needs it. Or am I being overly anxious. I have an older son who was very different and much more 'grown up' seeming at this age than her.

Thanks.

I'm answering here with three hats on... as a parent of four, a granny to a 3.5 yr old, and as someone who has worked in Early Years for 20 years :)

Speech sounds... MANY MANY 3,4 and even 5 year olds had difficulties with certain sounds. Immature speech generally improves gradually and as Nursery have said they will help her practise, that' a great start. I spend my days with children who are mostly 4 and 5 and quite a few have difficulty with certain sounds. My own DD1 couldn't say 'c' sounds (a cucumber was a 'humhumber', a can of coke was a 'han o hoke' ) when she was 4. We enquired about speech therapy but by the time she was seen it was resolving (and she's now a doctor..a GP and speaks perfectly well)

My grandson is 3.5 and struggles with quite a few sounds, and sometimes is a little tricky to understand. We repeat the tricky word back to him..sometimes he will try and copy, sometimes he won't, and that's ok.

3 and 4 year olds are tricky creatures. They are becoming more independent and also, frequently, are wrestling with control.. they want what THEY want. And that frequently means not answering, not responding. I care for my grandson several days a week and I don't think I've ever had what I would call an appropriate answer to 'what did you do at Nursery today?' Often I get 'I don't know'! (sometimes he'll tell me hours later )

Tantrums.. yes. The easy 2 year old becomes a less easy 3 year old and a stroppy, uncooperative beastie at 4. Normal. Boundary testing! It's really frustrating, and yes some children are easier than others, but it's not abnormal... they are becoming much more aware of their own feelings and those feelings can be HUGE and irrational.

The belly button thing made me laugh... because my grandson is EXACTLY the same! Even as a baby we had to stop putting him in baby grows or pop under vests because he was distraught if he couldn't get his finger in it when he was tired or needed to self soothe (never had a dummy as he wouldn't take one) he goes into another zone when he does that too, but it's no different to a child sucking their thump or rubbing their ears, it's just a rather individual soothing tool...and at least they can't lose their belly buttons
Honestly nothing you have said stands out as unusual. Children vary wildly in their speech development ..understanding is far more critical than clear production as a guide to when to worry.

In my personal and professional experience, speech difficulties tend to even out by 5 and they also become a lot more reasonable as human beings :) The belly button habit may however persist !

My DS2 had a severe speech and language delay (speech therapy and special school) ..no speech at all until he was 4. He's an adult now, very articulate and intelligent and you would never know :)

Sorry, that was awfully long but I hope reassures you a little!

Sucking their thumb, not thump... I do wish I could edit my own posts

Ah I only just saw this reply. Thank you so much, that is reassuring! Especially hearing about another belly button obsessed child - nobody else seems to have ever have encountered it!

My daughter also turned 4 in September and sounds very similar - says she in sentences instead of her, doesn't understand time such as tomorrow and yesterday and will instead just talk about "the other day" and " a long time ago", has recently started hiding under tables and telling small lies.

I don't have any worries at all and think it's all developmentally normally.

Thank you again. That's reassuring @OverTheRainbow2023. I think it must just be in comparison to my son and some friends' children, but good to hear that she sounds similar to others too.