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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4 letters home from school about bad behaviour... what to do?

9 replies

MommyUpNorth · 24/04/2008 15:58

Ds, 5 (P1 Scottish school), has had 4 'grey letters' (grey warns of cloudy skies ahead) home this week about behaviour at school. First he hit an older child (P3). Then he was poking and prodding another child from his own class, and when the witness (another teacher) confronted him, he called them a liar! Today he's gone under the changing cubicle and stole someones clothes and tossed them in another cubicle... then stole another child's biscuits at lunch.

I'm so shocked by his behaviour, and completely embarrassed that I've been called in to sort it out.

We've tried talking to him each evening after events, and everything isn't his fault, and he makes himself out to be completely innocent. He is sometimes quite cheeky at home, and often picks on his little brother (3), but this seems really out of character. The school hasn't mentioned anything that's happened at school that they think has caused it, and I can't think of anything at home that is causing this.

Any thoughts? And any thoughts on how to stop it happening? I'm starting to really dread opening his bag at the end of the day.

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BottlebinBerrie · 24/04/2008 16:02

Oh dear. I think it's good that the school are keeping you informed. My dc are not at school yet but I would want to know about stuff like this.
If it was me, I would set up a reward and sanction system at home...no greay letters (or whatever it was) all week and he'll get to go swimming at the weekend or something. If he gets a grey letter, he loses a favourite toy or activity.

Original poster

MommyUpNorth · 24/04/2008 16:09

Thanks BottlebinBerrie. That does sound like a good idea. We've tried this in the past with mixed success.

I'll have a think about a what we could use which would really appeal to him/upset him when taken away tonight with DH. I hope it does the trick as I think his teacher is getting fairly fed up as am I!

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duchesse · 24/04/2008 16:15

Poor you, what a worry. I think it's fantastic they are keeping you up to speed; I doubt many schools in England would be so on the ball. Maybe you could make an appt with the head to discuss your DS's behaviour? It would emphasize to the school that you are singing form the same hymn sheet as they are, and she/he might be able to suggest things.

AMumInScotland · 24/04/2008 16:16

If it's been 4 all this week, and he hasn't had them before, I'd be tempted to ask him what's up, as there's usually something particular if it's a sudden spate of difficult behaviour. On the other hand, if it's a long term issue then the consistent reward/punishment sounds like a good plan.

Twiglett · 24/04/2008 16:18

what is school's plan of action of behaviour modification and how can you support that at home

how about no tv if he misbehaves at school

Original poster

MommyUpNorth · 24/04/2008 16:55

duchesse, yes, I'll be going in to see his teacher and the head next week as they've requested a meeting now. The letter normally comes home the same day it happens, and then we send a response back of whatever we've said/done at home. They'll know by our feedback that we're very concerned and want to work with them to fix whatever the problem may be.

AMIS - yes, we're thinking the same. On Monday evening he came home completely scratched up and bleeding from a 'friend' at his fun football session. DH witnessed the rough behaviour, but one of the letters had come home prior to this, so this couldn't be the incident that sparked it all off... must be something prior. We mentioned this to the school in a letter as he had a couple of grey letters at the start of the school year and it was all down to rough housing with this same boy... they just play fight all the time, but it ended up with ds getting stabbed in the head with a pencil! But again, ds probably provoked a bit in this situation, so we are under no illision that he's a little angel!

Twiglett, at school they lose minutes from their 'golden time' for any bad behaviour. I would have thought that he's lost most of it this week! So I think they start off with say 1 hour of golden time per week and then lose 10 minute blocks if necessary. They all look forward to this golden time so it seems like a good system. We've already said no tv, but they don't watch too much on school days, so I need something a little more I think.

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Original poster

MommyUpNorth · 24/04/2008 17:03

Just asked him again why he's done each specific incident, and the response was 'I don't know' with a cheeky smile. He doesn't seem sorry for doing any of it, and I have no confidence that he won't go out and do something else tomorrow!

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duchesse · 24/04/2008 17:05

I'm imagining "because it seemed like a good idea at the time", rather than anything more sinister like coercion/ being bullied, then. Children, children, children, they really are sent to try us sometimes...

AMumInScotland · 25/04/2008 09:58

It sounds like he and this other lad are encouraging each other to muck about then, rather than your DS reacting against bullying or anything like that. Perhaps the school could make sure they are not together too much in class, to reduce their chances of getting silly? Losing golden time seems to work well at that age - seeing other people having fun is a good incentive not to keep doing it!

And something at home to make it clear you are also on to it, in case he thinks school is completely separate!

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