Oh no, she acts spoilt. Can I reverse it?

[Carouselfish]

Typical example. Took her out for one to one time on Sunday, lunch and whatever was left from £20 she could spend. There was 8 pounds left. Persuaded me to round it to ten, which I did on condition she got a small thing for her sister. She spent ten. Then found one more thing she wanted. I said no. I'd already given her more than I was going to.
So she cried and yelled, said she hated me, wouldn't do her seatbelt up so I couldn't drive home. Went on and on and on.
I explained I'd set a budget, one that actually was quite a strain on me at the moment anyway and she couldn't keep asking for one more thing. And that it was like this eveytime we did anything. Happy 99%of the time until she is told no and then she blows it all out the water.
We'd had a lovely time up to then and I was really upset by it ending like that.
Fast forward to this morning and she has lost 4 of the 5 little things she'd bought, in the house. Doesn't appreciate things even when she gets them.
How can I/is it even possible to undo this behaviour in her? She's 9.

I think instead of going out and buying things as a focus, I'd talk about doing things together like playing a board game or going for a bike ride. How being with people we love can make us feel happy and secure.

A bit like talking about how exercise makes us feel fit and healthy instead of talking about how we look.

So, if you don't already, start taking about things that you're grateful for. Like the house, your family and friends.

If you do Halloween get her to choose the nice treats to give away and ask her to think about what she'll like to give to and DC with allergies.

Give her a budget of £5 and ask her to choose some Christmas chocolates or treats to put on the Food Bank.

I'd also see if you can sort out some toys, clothes and books that's she's grown out of next weekend. You could both put on some music she likes and look forward to a hot chocolate and a film afterwards? The Charity Shops are desperate for donations of children's things right now and leading up to Christmas.

Also, if she likes eating out, can she cook? If not, maybe you could go to the library together and let her choose a Children's cookbook then select a recipe that she'd like to prepare with you?

I think the main switch she needs is not thinking of money being spent as the reward, the rewards should be time we spend with those we love doing things we enjoy

And there are some books on gratitude here, but like I said early, don't buy them, see if your library has them

I would say try to find activity that doesn't involve spending money, like riding a bike. I would say paid activity is OK as long it's focused on things that doesn't require her to spent time in store.
If she's 9, ask her what she wants to do, give her two choices and two choices you're OK with and respect her decision by doing that with her. So two choices of activity you're OK her to do and OK to spend if she chose it.
I would absolutely curb spending. Research activities you are offering, some of them are expensive and she might want to quit easily.

I would say if you don't have money for another activity, try to find hobby she could do for free or with low spending. Try to include her in that research.

I would also stop thinking of buying things as if reward for something is to buy more things. You know she doesn't need it and that is reward that has no value for the kid, you want to buy things when it's truly special or she needs it.

She is very very anti-throwing or giving anything away. I have to sneak things she's grown out of to the charity shop. She'll even get upset about a pair of leggings with holes in and won't let me put it in the bin!
We tend to do our quality time out of the house as it's a very busy house! She's got a 4 year old sister and we have animals.
She goes to three activities a week.
Taking bits from what you've said maybe I'll see if there's any volunteering we could do together. She'd love to cook and makes her own omelettes and pasta etc, but DP would have to take sister out!
If I ask her what she'd like to do with me, she'll choose a restaurant every time! I'll try to be more inventive!

Well if mine refused to put their seat belt on it would be very promptly out of the car and walking home and see how far you get......even if it is a few miles

I don't necessarily think your actions have caused this kids are just like this. Things only have a temporary value to them. I don't think losing them is the issue. However I think the agreeing to round it up is a problem here.

Can I ask why your DH woukd have to take DD2 out if you and DD1 were cooking together?

Because it would just devolve into a fight between sisters. 10 percent of the time they play nicely. The rest of the time they argue.

That does sound a bit extreme and hard for you to deal with each day.

How is she in school? Are there any concerns there with her lessons or socially?