Youngest dd (4) driving me mad

[swedishmum]

I have 4 dcs - 14, 12, 11 and 4. 4yo dd seems to think she's the same age as the others and is driving me mad. Obviously the way the older ones speak to each other and to me is different from the way I'd like a 4yo to speak to me. She tries to negociate on everything from bedtime to going to pre-school. It's all made worse for her because dh often works away all week - she adores him and manipulates him and he's very soft with her maybe because he feels guilty at being away a lot. I'm just exhausted and everything's such an effort.
Any words of wisdom from anyone with a similar age gap?

Hi,

Poor you. Sorry, I don't have any experience of this but I am bumping for you.

Patsy

Negotiation is a very useful skill for a child to have. When she starts school she's going to need this, however, she needs to learn when to negotiate and when to be quiet. I had to teach this to my son. I taught him that if he was told to do something it was not a discussion and he should do as he's told. It took him a while to master this. He had to learn that I would only tell him once, if he started to talk back I would ignore him. Don't enter into a discussion with her. Give her a warning (it's bed time in five minutes), don't let her answer you back. Then tell her what you want her to do (I'm taking you to bed now). You can give her a signal to say that you don't want her to negotiate with you, either repeat the order, turn your back on her or put your finger over your mouth. Tell her what it means though.