Mums group gone wrong..

[Lottemarine]

Hi,
I have been part of a mums group for 4 years and during that time the group have split off. I’ve kept in contact with 3 other mums and their 4 year old children, but over time have found one of the children in the group has become aggressive, shouts, swears and pushes at the other kids.

We first noticed it early this year and it made my own son and I very uncomfortable to the point where he said he didn’t want to see them again.

Fast forward to yesterday when we saw one of the mums and she invited the mum with this boy again and it was the same behaviour.

I obviously don’t want to put my son in that position again (although I understand giving the benefit of the doubt), but he had an emotional meltdown himself from the encounter, so I guess although I like these mums and most of the kids, I’m really looking to part ways because of it, but how do you really do this without being rude? Anyone encountered this?

Depends on how much you like the other Mums. Do you ever meet up for a coffee/meal/night out without the DC?

I do like them yes. We used to meet up separately a bit more, but not so much now our kids are 4 years old. It just has become more tricky with work and life etc.

You just say 'Sorry x doesn't want to at the moment, I don't know why'

It doesn't mean you can't be friends with the Mum though

How does the mum act when her child does this? I have a 2.5 yo and he is going through a stage where he is really struggling to share and does sometimes push. I have a group of mum friends too, similar situation as you - he can and often has a lovely time with the other kids - hugs them, smiles at them, holds their hand and runs around and plays. However if he gets too excited he can push so I try to stay close and look out for signs of this so I can intervene. He has picked up the pushing from nursery, he doesn’t do it with the intention of hurting - he is a boisterous boy and they all play like this in nursery (I have been told anyway, they do say they break them up when they do this and remind them of kind hands), but on the whole we get great feedback from nursery and the way he plays with others.

Anyway, this is all to say could it be a development thing that, with some boundaries set by the mum, he will learn from and grow out of? (I don’t know if this is the same case for 4yo) It would be a shame to cut off a friendship for a temporary development struggle and the mum may be mortified by the behaviour and do everything in her power to discourage it. I know I’m mortified sometimes by my DS doing this atop the play and I do talk to him about this, ask him to apologise, take him away to calm down etc and explain how this makes the other kid feel - not sure he quite understands) However, if the mum is just letting this happen and doesn’t see an issue, I’d be more concerned as this could continue on with the development of their child and therefore continue to impact your son.

Does the mum try and correct the behaviour? Or just she just ignore it? He may be neurodivergent and on a wait list to help manage. Obviously your little one is still entitled to his feelings and shouldn’t have to be around him whilst he’s like this, but if the mums trying to correct the behaviour maybe be supportive of her individually away from your son as it can be quite difficult and lonely raising a ND child whilst waiting for investigation 😭