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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS won't let DH near him at bath/bedtime.

18 replies

choufleur · 22/04/2008 19:13

This has probably been done before I'm sure, but my ds (just 2) has decided that he doesn't want his dad at bath/bed time and will only allow me to bath/get him ready for bed and put him to bed. while i don't mind that it would be nice if sometimes his dad could do it. He used to be fine with DH doing that, and is absolutely fine with him throughout the rest of the day.

Any ideas how to tackle this? give in to him and only i do bedtime (which is what we've been doing for an easy life) or get dh to do it and put up with tears and screaming?

THanks

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posieflump · 22/04/2008 19:16

'will only allow me '
what does this mean exactly?
who is the adult and who is the child?

Original poster

choufleur · 22/04/2008 19:19

it means that if his dad goes near him at bath/bedtime he screams and gets upset, which is made worse by the fact that it's the end of the day and he is clearly tired.

I know we're the adults and he is only two but i don't particularly like ending the day with screaming fits.

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ChasingSquirrels · 22/04/2008 19:20

we tackled a similar situation (although it was more that he had never had his dad doing it as he was bf to sleep until 20mo, dad would do the bath then I took over).

Basically I just had to stay out of the way, he objected to going for a bath and wanted me, but his dad took him and as long as I stayed downstairs when he got out of the bath and he didn't see me then he went to bed fine.
I would come up once he was in the bedroom and put older ds to bed.

moominsmummy · 22/04/2008 19:21

we had this - helped if i went out about 20 mins before bedtime - DS was happy for DH to do bath and bed if I wasn't around at all - DH did it more and more (and I crept back into house and hid) until problem solved

snooks · 22/04/2008 19:26

We had this when ds1 was about 2.5. Just a phase, it lasted barely a few weeks (I think, can't really remember), except it was dh that ds wanted so I got a bit of a break! I didn't take it personally because recognised it was just a phase and didn't force him or make a big deal out of it. He'll change/forget soon enough . IMO don't make an issue out of it and let him go to bed happy IYKWIM.

Original poster

choufleur · 22/04/2008 21:01

thanks - think i might duck out for a bit tomorrow and see what ds is like. if he gets really upset i can always go back upstairs and rescue dh.

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chunkypudding · 22/04/2008 21:08

posieflump - bit patronising don't you think? and not very helpful...

jellyrolly · 22/04/2008 21:33

We have this from time to time.

I agree about not wanting the hysterics, it's horrible for everyone.

Distraction often works but it really is a phase that will pass. IMO it will pass whether you put him to bed and bath him and have calm, or whether your DH does and you have screaming. Agree that it's worse when you are around, ds often calms down with dh when I go.

herbgarden · 22/04/2008 21:53

My ds - 22months - is like this too. He's always been a bit of a mummies boy but when I'm out of the way, he's fine with dh - given the choice, he'll take me every time. I find it hard as sometimes I'd like to flop in front of the telly and let dh have a bit of ds and dh time together at the end of the day and I do bath time most week nights anyway. When we tell him it's "bath time" he immediately says "mummy bath time" - I then try to tell him that Mummy is going to be downstairs and Daddy will take him up - he'll protest but then Dh will firmly come over, pick him up (sometimes he'll really yell at this stage) BUT once up the stairs and me out of the way, he is laughing and giggling over bath time and lets dh do everything with no hassle at all. He quite often wants to sit on my knee for his milk and usually I put him in bed but the rest Dh does.....I think it is a phase as the other posters say but I appreciate how trying it is and also upsetting....I've gotten used to it now as I've always had a clinger !!!

Posieflump....choufleur wanted advice - did you have anything constructive to add ?

Original poster

choufleur · 23/04/2008 19:44

thanks all - tried keeping out of the way this evening by nipping out but when i came back in ds was in tear and wouldn't let DH near him.

think i'll just do it all for a bit and hope its a phase that passes.

OP posts:

herbgarden · 23/04/2008 19:48

Yep, sometimes you just have to go with your instinct. My ds does calm down after a few minutes of me not being there but I think I'd do what you say if I was in the same boat and IT WILL PASS !!!!......

posieflump · 23/04/2008 19:49

hi Choufleur - sorry I didn't mean my post to sound so condescending - you know how something sounds better in your head than written down?!! Anyhow, I was going to come back so was just asking for a bit more info but them my dc woke up, so you weren't alone last night!

You've got some excellent advice on here. I have heard of people who go away for a night so the child just has to accept that dh is putting them to bed but it is quite hard to do. Good luck and sorry again

jellyrolly · 25/04/2008 15:04

Choufluer, hope the "phase" is easing up but in the meantime...

I've been trying a new tactic which is to talk about daddy before he arrives home so it's not a surprise. I think my ds's problem sometimes is that he doesn't know when dh is coming and then he suddenly arrives and starts bundling him!

It's made a bit of difference. We've also started to hide from him when he arrives and jump out which is considered hilarious and then they are the best of friends after that. Worth a try!

Original poster

choufleur · 25/04/2008 15:10

i think that's part of the problem with us jellrolly. dh works shifts so sometime ds sees him loads the some days go by when they hardly see each other.

they're perfectly happy at the mo doing painting downstairs while i tidy up upstairs (i'm taking sneaky breaks for mumsnet)

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jellyrolly · 26/04/2008 14:41

Mine is a teacher so here for weeks at a time then away again just as ds has got used to the idea.

I feel sorry for dh as ds starts yelling "no daddy go away!" when he gets home! I think he just gets a surprise when he sees him which is why I try to pre-empt it.

BTW, I like your idea of tidying, sounds like mine .

Original poster

choufleur · 27/04/2008 19:25

it's tough isn't it. i've just put ds to bed (DH is at work until about 10) and then is on an earlky shift tomorrow so will have left before ds gets up. all very confusing for little minds.

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jellyrolly · 28/04/2008 20:05

When I know dh won't be home for tea/bath/bed I have to put ds1 in front of the telly while I feed ds2. All this is done in the dark with the telly on quietly. I say it's his 'special quiet tv' so I can tell him earlier on in the day that he will have it.

I agree, very confusing for little minds. Is there anything you do differently when dh isn't there? Such as bribe him with tv like me?

Original poster

choufleur · 29/04/2008 19:45

no don't do anything particularly differently, although he's the only one so i don't have to juggle. we have a treat box that we use to bribe generally and i suppose i do use that more when dh isn't there. it's just full of little things like chocolate coins, pencils etc but works well.

he seems to have been a bit better the past couple of nights and has let dh bath him, so long as i put him in the bath i can then leave. i still have to put him to bed though. don't mind that really though its nice to have a story and a cuddle with him.

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