My 3 year old may be autistic

[Feelingfearful]

My DS turned 3 in the last couple of weeks. He’s been delayed in his speech for ages and has been going to private speech therapy since 20 months. Nursery, HV and SALT have all been on the fence with whether or not he should be referred for an autism assessment as he appears to cope fine with routine changes, loves other kids, no obvious stimming, follows instructions and can verbally get his needs met and can answer some basic questions. He doesn’t appear to be a gestalt language processor and is stringing 3-4 word sentences together now but is still behind other kids his age.
Concerns are:

• Attention and listening - this is nursery’s concern as he can’t sit still for long for things like story time but this has gradually been improving.
• Sharing - this was nursery’s concern a few months ago but again, this is improving with lots encouragement and praise.
• Picky eater - likes a fairly beige/fruit diet and won’t touch standalone vegetables but happy to eat them in soup or meals like spaghetti bolognaise. Doesn’t seem to be a sensory thing though, but he definitely is resistant to trying new meals.
• Slow to pick up on social cues - this is one of my bigger concerns when I watch him interact with other kids. He doesn’t always realise when the other child has had enough of playing and wants to do something else. He doesn’t really understand how to greet them either, he will try to offer them a toy to play with rather than say “hi”.
• Can’t really tell me about his day so although he’s talking, he’s not conversational yet but I’m hoping this will come as his language keeps developing.

His SALT went in to visit him at nursery yesterday and I’m anxiously awaiting her report. The nursery staff weren’t particularly informative at pick up but mentioned that they were going to be cc’d into the email and they were going to get the HV involved as well which is leading me to think they are now planning on referring him to be assessed for autism. I’d accepted this might be the case a while ago but I feel so anxious to get this report and read all the things he’s not doing. He’s such a wonderful, happy boy and every time I think he might be autistic it makes me so fearful and worried for his future. Just wondering if anyone had a child who sounded similar at his age and how they are doing now.

@Feelingfearful It's completely natural to feel anxious and apprehensive when navigating concerns about your child's development. From what you’ve described, it sounds like your son has quite a few strengths, such as following instructions, engaging with peers, and making progress in his speech. Each child's developmental path is unique, and many children show varying degrees of social skills and language abilities at different ages. Some of the concerns you're noting, like attention span and social cues, may be areas where he needs additional support, but they don't necessarily indicate autism.
Regarding the report from the Speech and Language Therapist (SALT), see it as an opportunity to gain insights into your son's strengths and any areas where he may need further assistance, just approach the report as a tool for understanding. Depending on your child's learning style, visual tools can help reinforce his social skills and communication abilities (if you're interested in this kind of approach PM and I'll send you few links, as I don't know if it's allowed here).
As many parents can attest, there are countless stories of children who, with the right guidance and resources, develop skills and thrive in ways that may have seemed uncertain in their early years. Whatever the assessment outcome, remember that your son is still the same happy, wonderful boy you cherish. Focus on the progress he makes and continue to lend him your support and encouragement. You're doing a great job!

@VoiceinPics just wanted to say that I think your reply was so genuine, kind and helpful. It’s so nice to see people helping other mums out when it feels difficult! x