2 year old biting his baby sister PLEASE HELP!

[NattyEarthMother]

hi my son has just turned two and keep biting his 10 month old sister every time she tries to play with his toys. ive tried smacking him, ive tried time outs, talking to him and i dont know what else to try
anyone else had the same/similar problem?
is it one of those things they just "have" to grow out of or is there a discipline technique i can try?
please help, this morning he bit her face, and it really bruises when he does it

Say no firmly and take him to the naughty step
Give dd all the attention, lots of cuddles
Then when ds is behaving give him heaps of praise, give him little 'big boy' tasks to do like fetching nappies for you, that sort of thing. Does he get any alone time with you or your partner?

yes he has a hour a night, plus half hour in morning (DD nap) his sister goes to bed at 6.30 and he stay up with me till 7.30 reading books and washing up with me.
tried naughty pen cos we are in a flat and have no steps so used the play pen. doesnt work. he is doing it in temper not for attention so that just isnt working

Have you tried picking her up and cuddling her and giving her lots of attention, really laying on the sympathy - and scooping up the toy that she was playing with and sit with her on your knee and play with it with her, while not paying any attention to him or what he's done. So - he sees his sister getting the attention AND he loses the toy anyway. I know you say he does it in temper, but you'd be surprised how they can change what they appear to be unable to control!!!

Also try a simple story about how people feel. Write one about a little boy and his sister - make the ending how you think you would like him to act and make it end with a really good thing happening to him as a result, see what happens.

And pre-empt. You know his triggers, be there to scoop her up before he bites.

And if he does bite, put the toy on a high shelf that he can see clearly but can't reach, for the rest of the day.

We went through this a few times but with hitting -- just when it seemed he had grown out of it, he would do it again.

Nothing really works long term except patience and the hope he will eventually grow out of it, but here are some things that we tried:

*say, 'biting is not OK' or 'we don't bite'
*ignore him completely and shower attention on the victim
*role-play with cuddly toys at a quiet time, asking him how Spot/Cuddles/WHoever feels, explaining that he's really hurt, etc...
*same technique but with a story about a favourite character (e.g. bob the builder)
*toy removal
*removal from an activity he was enjoying
time-outsmacking (least productive, imo, but sometimes I just lost it)

hope that helps, but our experience has been that this is his way of expressing his anger and frustration about the arrival of a sibling (or even something else, once ds realised this was a sure-fire way of getting our attention when he was mad, he did it whenever he was annoyed or over-tired). Hope he grows out of it soon.

Oh, and remember that at 2, he is still only a baby himself, so don't expect too much of him. he may seem like the big boy to you since you have one younger, but he's not. There's only 15 months between my 2, and it was hard to remember when I had a tiny baby, that the big lad bashing him with a plastic hammer, was still a baby too.

How about starting to make time for just him and you? It is classic behaviour with a sibling who has just started nicking his toys. Clearly you need protect your dd but obviously prevention would be better. so maybe focusing on loads of good attention and encouraging him to see her as a good part of his family. Maybe through the special big brother route or by playing accessible games together, getting them to paint each other while naked is a good laugh - then they can bathe together after. Also maybe try taking his side sometimes and acknowledging that it is unfair to have your toys swiped.

oregonian - genuine question, did alfie not work out in the end?

hi slur,
well, we came to the conclusion that we needed a variety of approaches (when I mentioned the smaking, that was pre-alfie).

I do think he talks sense, tho.

PS, I didn't mean to make the 'time out' in bold

ds has just announced he wants to go and live in the kinder hotels that are being advertised on this page, so I think that means I should go and have some 1 on 1 time, as slur advocates!!

I will be flamed for this no doubt but I have posted my experience before and got away unscathed...

My DS was a serial biter at about 2 - not only his little sister but most of the toddler group too. It was doene in anger, frustration, boredom and because he could. I tried all sorts of strategies until one day I bit him back. Not hard but enough to make him realise that it really really hurts.
It pretty much worked.

Remember it is just a "stage" and it wont last forever.

I think that sounds very reasonable oregonian (the parenting decisions not sending you ds to kinder hotels... mind you it does look fun )

at cbm

thanks for ur comments, clarice i agree we are getting to that point now.

and as for making time for him, i do, he gets an hour and a half competly alone time with me a day (which i might add if more than his sister gets)