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Please help me

5 replies

Verydesperatemother · 30/09/2024 13:43

My DS is 3.5 he has always been physical; there was biting for a good year from 18m, plus hitting, pinching, etc. but generally from a year ago we seemed to be on an upswing and I thought I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately the past two months his behaviour has been on another level. Like all those months of better behaviour have been stored up and unleashed. Today I upset him over something minor (presented him with wrong colour plate) and it just turned into an ungodly amount of violence. He could not be placated. He was pinching, charging at me shaking with rage, and using closed fists to beat me in the head. I was so stunned and broken I curled up on the floor sobbing telling him to stop but he continued. There wasn't a flicker of sympathy or regret. I have tried EVERYTHING discipline wise and am just completely literally and metaphorically beaten. I've put him in his room and I'm shaking and can't stop crying. Despite my worries nursery and HV don't perceive there to be a referral-level degree of issues (though former recognise he can be stubborn and difficult). But this can't be normal, can it? I'm afraid of my own child. Has anyone been here before? Please tell me it gets better, I feel like I already provide a whole host of accommodations and adjustments for him; I cannot be anymore flexible, patient or reasonable. His two siblings already bear the brunt of us having to cater to him and I ask enough of them already. Husband works away for weeks at a time and grandparents just don't want to know. I don't blame them but I'm so so alone and I can't cope I can't believe this is my life

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Verydesperatemother · 30/09/2024 13:47

I've just read that back it sounds so so pathetic. I'm so humiliated I can't even believe I'm writing this. Please know I am not in the habit of curling up on the floor and letting myself get hit repeatedly by a child. I have just tried everything and had a mad thought that if I could show how hurt I was by his behaviour it might break the rage and make him stop. But like all the other tactics it didn't work.

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PolaroidPrincess · 30/09/2024 21:30

You're not pathetic at all @Verydesperatemother. You're struggling with a DS who isn't responding to normal discipline techniques.

One thing that might help you for now is the book The Explosive Child.

When you say that the HV doesn't think he meets the criteria for referral, do you know what she used to assess him?

Was it the Ages & Stages and the Social & Emotional Ages & Stages?

Verydesperatemother · 01/10/2024 13:43

@PolaroidPrincess thanks for coming back, you're really kind and I can see you're really active on this board and you're so generous to share your support and advice.

I have dipped in and out of explosive child but it feels a bit 'old' for him now, at the moment sitting down after the fact, once 'cooled off' to reflect is a bit beyond him. Should I persevere?

Yes we used ASQ and ASQ-SE. So I guess they can only go off what I have reported to them. It is hard tho because at time of appointment I did fill it out faithfully but no two days/weeks/months are the same so saying 'always' doesn't seem correct. So it's 'sometimes' but intensity is off scale so harder to report!! There's no nuance in these box ticking forms is there

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PolaroidPrincess · 01/10/2024 19:44

I get your point about it being a bit old, but then my youngest, who's now a teen, has never quite got the hang of self reflection Grin

The only other book I can think of is the house of tiny tearaways.

I totally get too that it's the intensity that can be frightening. They do tend to feel things very strongly though. Are you doing anything to work on anger and emotions? If you ask at your local library they may have a few suitable books to read with him Flowers

Verydesperatemother · 01/10/2024 20:18

@PolaroidPrincess haha oh no, maybe I'm waiting for a day that will never come then!! Do you know I never think to try the library, but that's a great idea, thank you

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