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4y/o rage

1 reply

MamaW05 · 28/09/2024 17:45

My 4yo is a great kid - she’s enthusiastic, kind, polite, and her emotional intelligence often surprises me.
However she has struggled recently with rage - which has led to anything from full blown tantrums, to spitting, to shoving, to slamming doors, in our houses and other people’s, upsetting other kids.
Immediately afterwards she is distraught, crying and wanting to say sorry. How can I help her in the moment to not lose her temper so much? I know total emotional regulation is impossible for anyone, let alone a 4 year old, but she seems more prone to it than her friends and I worry for her that other parents or the kids won’t want to be around her. I’ve never had an incident where one of her friends has hit her etc though aware this is not uncommon!
It’s not that she is necessarily causing the situations that lead to these outbursts. It’s just she has a huge reaction to normal kid stuff eg someone not sharing something.
I have asked her to come and tell me or another grown up if something happens, to take a big breath etc but in the moment she completely loses it.
To say again, I’m not saying it’s not age appropriate to have rage, or not be able to emotionally regulate, I just want to support her through the frequency and severity of it. Any tips appreciated!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Afieldofroses · 28/09/2024 19:04

I have a 3 year old that sounds similar. He can go days without having outbursts but sometimes the smallest things trigger them. For example yesterday I lifted him out of the car and woke him up, offered to have a cuddle on the sofa but he just went into a full blown rage, it lasted around 30 mins of screaming, hitting, kicking etc. It wasn't even worth trying to explain to him why he couldn't hit because he was completely beyond reachable and listening. Once he calmed down and we spoke about it he was able to tell me that he was upset that I woke him but also hungry.

It's really hard and I don't know the answer. I have explained to him that he can just tell us how he feels, we can look at the colour monster book so he can show us how he is feeling etc. I'm hoping this passes. He doesn't have these tantrums over toys etc but more when tired/hungry. It's hard, you have my sympathies!

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