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23mth old - crying / tantrums

1 reply

ecossegirl91 · 28/09/2024 09:36

Hey guys

just wanted a sense of what’s “normal” with my 23 month old child.
im not worried about his speech at the moment, seems to be ok - 100 plus words some 2 word phrases etc but its his crying and tantrums that seem ott compared to his peers eg telling him no, he wants a toy he can’t have, we need to leave somewhere he enjoys, or if he can’t do something eg a puzzle or a zip etc. Of course I expect tears and tantrums but he is so so loud and he goes from 0 to 10000 in seconds and is stamping feed and gasping for air. It escalates so quickly. (He cried a lot as a baby for reference so I’ve lived in 2 years of tears!) so it’s so hard to distract him, talk to him as he gets so upset. I don’t want this to keep happening and know boundaries are important but it’s just hard to speak to him/reason at all when he is gasping for air!

any solidarity, experience or tips?!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NuffSaidSam · 29/09/2024 11:23

It sounds broadly normal.

You can't reason with them during a tantrum so stop trying to do that. Let the tantrum play out. Make sure they're safe, stay close by and offer comfort, but that's all you can do.

Use reasoning before and after the tantrum. If there is something that regularly causes a problem e.g. leaving somewhere then you do the reasoning before leaving. This is usually telling him in advance (several times) what will happen e.g.

"We going to softplay this morning and we'll have a big play and then a snack and then we're going to come home".

"Here we are at softplay, you can have a big play and then we'll have a snack and then we're going to go home".

"We've had a big play at soft play, we've got time for two more slides and then we'll go and choose our snack and after that we'll go home".

"Ok we've got one more slide and then we'll choose our snack and then it's time to go home".

"Let's go and choose our snack and then after snack time we're going home"

"A bag of Pom Bears? Great choice! We'll eat these and then we'll go home"

"Ok, our snack is finished it's time to go home".

With something being frustrating e.g. a zip, you also prepare them beforehand with explaining it could be a bit difficult, talking about dealing with things that are difficult (take a deep breath and try again and/or ask for help).

None of this will work immediately, giving toddlers the skills to navigate big feelings is an ongoing process, but talking to them/preparing them/giving them coping skills early will be beneficial in the long run. The absolute key bit though is you must do it when they're calm/happy/ready to listen not during or immediately after a tantrum.

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