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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

The whinging and whining is driving me round the bend - How can I NOT lose it?

27 replies

charx · 21/04/2008 17:57

My DD (aged 2) is in a constant whinging phase. I don't work, most of my NCT group have moved away or they work and don't seem to mind/have the constant whining. I am going completely bonkers.

Today in the car, I slammed on the breaks really hard (after making sure that noone was behind us!!) and I shouted: STOP IT SHUT UP SHUT UP really loud.

It drives me insane (and I know I've said this already!) and I find it completley exhausting. I live in London in a small house so there's not really any escape from it.

Please help me control my temper and regain some control? Any ideas?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

roseability · 21/04/2008 18:35

Hi there!

I sympathise as my DS who has just turned 2 can have very whingey days and I lose it sometimes. Firstly don't beat yourself up, we are just human. I'm sure every mum feels like this sometimes!
Secondly can you get a break somehow? Leave her with a trusted relative/friend for a few hours and pamper yourself in some way?
I find when my DS is having days like that just getting out of the house and doing something he enjoys e.g. swimming helps. Phone people or try meeting other SAHMs. I once had a really bad morning which ended with me in the kitchen with the radio turned up high while my DS screamed and banged at the door! We just both needed to calm down and if I hadn't removed myself from the situation and taken deep breaths etc I would have smacked him. I don't agree with smacking in principle but also don't believe any Mum should be villianised if they lose control once in a while. As I said we are all human! After said incident, once I had calmed down I made sure I hugged my DS and told him I loved him. I think this is the most important bit. That they feel loved, even when they are little devils!
Hope this helps, I tend to waffle

LittleMissTickles · 21/04/2008 18:39

I also have a recently turned 2yo. She whines. A LOT. It drives me crazy some days, other days I barely notice. Her big sister used to be the same at this age, now a wonderful 4.6yr old, hardly ever complains at all. Repeat x100000 per day 'it's just a phase, it WILL pass'.

boobiestoosaggy · 21/04/2008 18:40

whinging was invented by my dd. between the ages of 2-3 she was unbearable,it was constant and very tiring but thankfully as soon as she started at nursery it all stopped

Spoo · 21/04/2008 18:44

I understand my DS1 went through this and DS2 no doubt will. Try saying as lightly as you can ' darling I can't understand you when you talk like that please try a nicer voice and give an example. THEN - ignore ignore ignore. Leave the room if possible. Turn on some music - pick up a magazine. Stop and get out of the car.

I have an anger issue too and some times I just scream very loudly away from the kids in the loo or outside. Seems to help.

poodlepusher · 21/04/2008 19:03

I am having the same thing and at 5 am this morning while feeding the new baby I thought my head was going to explode from the 20 mnth old whining because he was not being fed (he had been fed first and changed, and had everything in terms of what was happening explained).

Urg.

Yes, if I could drive I expect I would also slam brakes on occasion. Perhaps a good reason for me not to be a driver.

But I do understand and it is VERY annoying. I think its ok to let them know they are being annoying when they do this, if you catered to it every time, they'd learn to think it was OK to whine and whinge and continue well into adulthood.

If I can I will say "Mummy needs you to stop [making that awful noise now" and distracting with something else.

poodlepusher · 21/04/2008 19:04

yes, or ignore.

lilQuidditchKel · 21/04/2008 19:12

Oh Charx, I so feel your pain. My dS is 2.1 and DD 10mo...and DS just whines and whines and whines.....

I always said I'd never have one of those annoying children who whines all day . Alas I think I have to admit now that it's actually not in my control.

Does your DC have a speech delay? DS does, which aggravates the problem. I often lose the plot just because it's torture to have a toddler whine at you all day. Of course when I do go crazy, I feel guilty immediately because apparently he's unable to stop himself from whining, unable to speak instead.

Where in London are you? Perhaps we can meet up and put our two together, then run away?

Original poster

charx · 21/04/2008 23:35

Hey lilQuidditchKel! and everyone else! Thank you soooo much! Today has just ended in tears - I'm okay, really, its just a let down from all the pent up frustration and energy spent on bracing myself for the whining and trying to stay in control!

My DD and I did hug it out after I lost it, and I said sorry to her (which I think is important).

Anyway, I'm in SW London Battersea/Clapham area if you want to join in the whinge fest!

(And again, thanks so much for the support - it's my first time on MmsNet!).

Its just a phase, its just a phase - tomorrows another day - a fresh start?! . . . .

OP posts:

jasper · 22/04/2008 00:03

no advice from me.
I lost it with my 3 today. Stopped the car on a country road and threatened to turf them all out.

nappyaddict · 22/04/2008 02:43

ds is the same. i get passed it by going out every day. we do toddler group tues - thursday morning, gym and play at the leisure centre wed afternoon, storytime at the library monday morning, swimming thursday afternoon which leaves friday to meet up with friends etc. when it's the school holidays and there isn't toddler group i go insane!!

lilQuidditchKel · 23/04/2008 11:53

Agree that best cure for this is constant distraction in the form of an outing every day or twice a day if naps allow!

Charx let's try to think of somewhere good to meet in between Clapham and Twickenham/Richmond which is good for whiny kids. Hmmmmmmm....

Oh my other tip is to really, really enjoy any time you get to yourself. For me that includes a rather embarrassing amount of wine and chocolate but if it works...

CatIsSleepy · 23/04/2008 11:57

sounds like my dd
I can't bear the MummymummymummyMUMmummy mummyMUM non-stop thing

take her to a large open space, set her loose and let her run around
ALOT

3missys · 23/04/2008 12:01

DITTO DITTO DITTO!!! I am going through this with my 13 month old while also trying to entertain and keep happy my 30 month old. BLOODY EXHAUSTING isn't it??? DD2 is whinging because she is at the "I want to walk holding on to your little finger stage" but "I'm going to stage a huge wobbly if you ever let go" You so have my empathy all of you.

Original poster

charx · 24/04/2008 17:11

Cue the violins liQuidditchKel. Time to self is non existent. Mother lives in Scotland, In Laws are useless and totally uninterested, Husband works excessive hours almost 6 days a week. How you can say - right, your turn to look after the little s*d when he's knackered!?
Oh well - turning to wine/gin and choc all in vast quantities!!
slummy mummy lives another day! getting larger by the minute!

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 24/04/2008 17:36

what is it with 2 year olds, this happens all the time, they are little dictators, thats what i say

Smithagain · 24/04/2008 17:52

Get outside - it's harder to hear the whines.

Get enough sleep - they sound three times worse when you're tired.

Develop an understanding problem - "I can't understand you when you use that voice, can you talk in your nice voice, please" (that is, if they are talking well enough for that to make sense).

Look forward to the day they stop.

Had the whining big time with DD1 - now DD2 has started it and it really does my head in. The above is what I've learned so far, but it ain't foolproof!

mummy2t · 24/04/2008 18:29

i have same thing but with my four year old. i just try to ignore and explain i cant understand him talking that way.

lorsiep · 25/04/2008 14:23

Hi there
I totally can relate to this thread, DD is 23 months and has just turned into the devil (angry), she screams and cries what seems like all the time, I generally can be quite calm and can ignore the tantrums but if she gets me so wound up I lose it big time, she gets put on the naughty step (which I think she thinks is for fun) and I try and calm down, I can end up screaming at her which makes me feel like a failure (sad) I worry I have created such an unhappy little girl and feel the future holds nothing but trouble and heartache with her. When she looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes - all is forgiven - but oh my god this is so hard !!

lilQuidditchKel · 25/04/2008 20:01

Char - and the rest of you - my heart continues to go out to you!

sunnyday27 · 25/04/2008 21:37

Hi all you lovely mummies!

I am new to this (as in tonight!) I came on here as I am having a nightmare with my DD - she is 22 months and is behaving EXACTLY as you are all describing! I feel awful as I dread her at the moment, she has tantrums over the slightest thing to the point where I feel she may be possesed at times!! she can keep up the crying for a huge amount of time and I get upset and SO angry as I feel she ruins it for my DS who's 5 and lovely and happy and can't have my time as I'm too busy with terrible DD!

I just have to say although it's painful, it clearly is normal around this age as we're all experiencing it and we should all feel a huge relief about that. reading your posts have made me feel so much better (sorry not in a selfish way!) but it's so nice to know it's not just her, I now feel it's just a phase and she will grow out of it and i'm ready to tackle her tomorrow now. I was thinking of introducing the naughty step but not sure if she's too little??

Anyway am waffling now but thanks all of you - and here's to happy toddlers for all of us soon!

3missys · 26/04/2008 13:15

Hi sunnyday, welcome to MN! Following on from my eaarlier post we introduced the naughty step at 22 months.... seems to work at times but not 100% of the time, distraction seems to be the best thing for us though......

Janni · 26/04/2008 14:32

I have a three year old DD who has a natural tendency towards whingeing and wining, but I say now 'I'm not answering that voice' or 'try a different voice' or 'you won't get what you want when you talk like that'...and I really don't give her what she wants until she's stopped whining because, like you, I would feel DESPERATE if I had to listen to it all day long. DD is adopted and has only been with us 9 months, so I am undoing bad habits which were allowed to develop, but it IS working, she DOES understand so persevere and try not to let things go until you explode.

lilQuidditchKel · 26/04/2008 18:43

hiya sunnyday and welcome to mn! Since 18mo or so we've been using a naughty 'spot'(no stairs in our flat!) and it's worked most of the time. We modified things a bit because he wouldn't stay there for any length of time. So, we would give him first a warning, then if it happened again, take him to his naughty spot, being very clear, firm, and vocal about how "we are going to your naughty spot now," then sit him down, get him to look at you as much as possible, and tell him off briefly and clearly (we do hit people, hitting is naughty. mama is not happy with you!). he definitely doesn't like the whole thing so it's a negative consequence which works. Unless he's being particularly grumpy and awful that day, in which case, if he's naughty for the same reason after 2 times at the naughty spot, I put him in a separate room where I can see him and he's safe, and tell him he can't come back till he is ready to behave. (plus this gives me time to calm down). Good luck!

mylittlepudding · 26/04/2008 20:31

Mine whinges, and/or grunts, which is just as irritating. Music does help me to tune out. There are times though when she has to go into her cot with a few safe toys whilst I leave the room to get myself calm. "Mummy just needs a few minutes peace and quiet" or similar. I do want to shout "shut up" daily, usually by about breakfast time in fact. Much sympathy.

onelittlelion · 26/04/2008 20:42

Oh I feel a bit better knowing not just my ds! It's fairly new. Am hoping it's a phase!

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