And I feel really guilty for saying that but I am so aggrivated by it I can feel my teeth clench. We have been together for 9 years, I have been his rock throughout. Advised him as best I could, guided him, loved, supported, took the brunt of everything always feeling like there has to be some improvement, there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel and although he has come far in some ways, he is still fucking miserable a lot of the time. Miserable when I come home from work. Miserable when I'm off for the weekend, miserable in between and I honestly just can't take it any more. We have kids and people are going to ask why did you have kids when he suffers from depression, I honestly felt it would be better by now, so much better. I understand it won't go away but I thought an improvement would be seen mood wise but it's just not. He is on the highest medication the doctor will prescribe, he has tried different meds, he has tried therapy in the past and never got on with it because he doesn't actually want to talk about it. I've spoken to countless doctors about it because although he gives me permission to speak to them he doesn't want to himself. One doctor said something that turned a light bulb on. He has to want to help himself and I thought, that's it. He just doesn't seem to want to? Or isn't motivated to. Or cant see an out I don't know but I have done everything I can think of to help. From the looks of it it boils down to money. I'm not saying that's everything but I think that's a big factor. But I cant change anything about that currently. We manage just about, get one holiday a year (not abroad) kids clothed, fed, roof over head, warm. All the basics no real frills but that doesn't help. He can't see the good out of any situation and honestly I've just had it with it. I'm finding myself resentful, annoyed, absolutely no patience with it. I give him plenty of downtime (I get none but I don't ask for any). The kids don't seem to notice anything. He is good with them, will play, engage, do normal stuff but sometimes I can see the distance with him, he checks out, I can tell the monotone he uses because I'm guessing he just doesn't have the energy to be upbeat?. I literally don't know what more to do but I don't want to walk away