Limited two way conversation with 2.5yo

[FromWalesAndBackAgain]

My DS has a lot of words and is good at narrating what he is doing/what he wants and can speak in 4/5 word sentences and sings songs. However, he is not good at two way conversation or answering questions - e.g. if I ask him a yes or no question he will answer it by repeating what I say e.g “do you want dinner now?” He will say “want dinner now”. If I ask him “did you play on the bikes in nursery” (after they told me he did) he would just look at me blankly.

He has a relative who is a similar age and I notice how much they engage in annswering and asking questions (my DS will ask “what’s that noise?”, point to things of interest & say “mummy LOOK!”- but wouldn’t ask “what is that/what does that do”) & has better memory. DS can follow most instructions so does have some comprehension.

i don’t think it’s ASD as he is affectionate, has good eye contact, smiles back, no stimming, engages in imaginative play. He plays alongside other kids, likes playing chase with them and mimics what they do, however, he is very possessive and can’t share toys (he will either tantrum/snatch/try to push the kid away), he is boisterous and can belly bump kids over (nursery said lots of the boys do this, and DS seems to enjoy the one on one time when they take him aside to say kind hands or to be gentle 🙈)

Sorry for the long message, does this sound developmentally normal or is he delayed? Just wondering if there is anything I should be doing.

I'd do the Speech & Language UK's 2.5 year progress checker @FromWalesAndBackAgain, it will tell you if he needs a little support. Come back if it says he dies and we can guide you in the right direction

If you have a nosey around their website, there are some good resources for parents that may help anyway.

@FromWalesAndBackAgain Hey just to say my son who is 3.5yo is like this - he tends to repeat phrases like when I ask are you Happy? He will say "Happy", and when I ask immediately after or are you Sad? He will say "Sad". He also doesn't share well and doesn't understand how to join in with others which almost always ends up in him pushing or shoving.

He's had his first session with Speech & Language and we are on the waiting list for suspected Autism (but my son has lots of other things going on like fussy eating, reluctance going to the toilet, lack of social etiquette)

There probably isn't any harm in contacting your Health Visitor to check in and see if they recommend anything?

@PolaroidPrincess thank you for your reply - I did this and it said it may be that he needs support. In the sections he got the following:

• Attention and listening - all yes
• Understanding - scored not sure on 2 out of 7
• Talking - all yes
• Speech - all yes
• Social communication - scores not sure on 2 out of 6

DS has always been slightly behind his peers, however, always just slightly so whenever I have raised it with HV or nursery they say to give him a bit longer and he does usually catch up. But I’m struggling to know what point it becomes a concern that he is constantly slightly behind.

The things he scored no/not sure on were:

Social communication - showing concern when someone is hurt or sad. This l answered as not sure, he definitely recognises emotion and is interested in it, but wouldn’t say he showed concern around me - more interest. If someone is frowning in a book he will say “mummy they are sad” or if he see’s a baby crying he will tell me multiple times “mummy mummy, the baby is sad” but I wouldn’t say he is concerned or upset by it himself. If his cousin falls over and gets upset, my DS will pretend he has hurt himself to get some of the attention. He once saw a pic of him crying on my phone (was trying to get a pic for pharmacist) and he saw it and I said “awww it’s sad DS” and then he laughed and kept asking to “see sad DS (saying his name)” and laughing when he saw the pic. However, in nursery they have said he has comforted his friends when hurt in the past.

the other one was enjoying having a conversation. DS will talk to me but it’s more of a one way conversation, will sometimes answer questions or talk back but often ignore what I say if it doesn’t interest him.

In understanding I wasn’t sure if DS understands “a little bit” or “a lot” and I wasn’t sure if he would answer questions on objects correctly (e,g. If I put down three objects and asked him to pick the thing we eat with - I don’t think he would pick the fork)

@Lwizzer thank you for your reply. I was doing a bit of reading on this and I think the repeating is echolalia which can be normal up to the age of 3 but also a trait of ASD.

Yes it’s my DS’s reaction to sharing which worries me the most - at 2.5yrs I think it’s fairly normal to find sharing difficult but it’s that he will fully tantrum or get physical with the other child that I find worrying. My DS can be a fussy eater too, but not at the level of ASD I don’t think - he eats lots of spices and sauces and flavours and different textures - he just likes what he likes - for example won’t eat much fruit for us other than banana but eats very well in nursery - everything they give him to be honest from fruit to tagine to soup.

However, he loves running around with other kids, he copies them and talks to them (when there isn’t a vehicle around to become obsessive over), he understands he has to wait his turn to go on a swing, he hugs other adults and kids but is able to read if they want to. He plays imaginary games, only the other day we found sticks in the park and were running around striking each other with our powers and his acting on falling when he was struck was top notch haha), he responds to his name, he smiles in retaliation to both us and others smiling at him, he points and shows us things of interest, he likes being around people but can also entertain himself, he asks us to read him books and draw with him, he isn’t routined, he doesn’t talk in a flat/sing songy way.

It’s hard as he is clearly behind in some areas in terms of understanding and social. But at other times he does demonstrate good understanding - e.g. he gets a puzzle out and plays with it, then goes to get a book, I ask him to put the puzzle away and he shouts “nooooo” and I say “I’ll read the book if you help mummy put the puzzle away” and then he will calmly put the puzzle away and then sit down for me to read the book. He interacts with the book saying what the illustrations are doing…

He is very boisterous and I sometimes wonder if it’s a bit of ADHD, as sometimes he doesn’t listen, he is high energy and still has night wakings (though not near as much as the new born days - 1/2 a night), he loves being thrown about - but again he shows fear and concern for safety, he can focus on something for a long time if interested (such as playing with his trucks, drawing (& telling us what he is drawing), flipping through books by himself, building blocks (& saying what he is building).

I just find it all a bit of a contradiction and can’t work out if I need to get him support or I’m being overly anxious.

Our HV asked to see us again in October, as when he had his 27 month check he was going through a really shy phase and wouldn’t interact with her - which he has gotten over now) So I will raise all this then too :)

I think from what you've said I would talk to the HV again and tell her that you've done the progress checker from Speech & Language UK and it says he needs some support. It's a pretty well respected charity so she should be willing to take action.

I'd fill in both the:

30 month Ages & Stages

and the 30 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages

Then ask your HV to score them. You can of course score them yourself and show her the results.

The very least I'd want is a referral for a hearing test and speech & language therapy.

If she wants to adopt the "wait and see" approach I'd try to pin her down to making an appointment there and then for a couple of months time.

@PolaroidPrincess thank you. He scores perfectly on ages & stages which is where I find it difficult getting support

That's good if he's fine on both of them. It's unusual for them to get all white on the first one, thru usually score grey in a couple of areas.

How was he on the Social & Emotional one I linked to?

@PolaroidPrincess yes the only thing I couldn’t answer is putting his own jacket on because I haven’t tried or taught him, he does help get himself dressed - e.g. pulling his own pants up and down, putting his hands through his jumper once I’ve put it over his head - so I need to check on the jacket. everything else he scored white in (he wouldn’t have in a number of sections at 28 months but does now at 30).

the social & emotional one there were two questions I’d answer as sometimes (following instructions and moving from one activity to another with ease) The rest he is “z” white on them all. He has an amazing amount of words and a good level of understanding, but doesn’t seem to relate this to a conversational type back and forth discussion. For example today I was told he was playing on a ride on train with another boy in nursery so I said “did you ride on the train?” Nothing. “Did you ride on it with <childs name>” nothing but picks up a train toy. However I then say “can you get the egg out of the pan and pass it to mummy” with no gesturing and he does it. (From his toy kitchen) or I asked if he wants to make sandwiches and he pulls out the toys relating to this and says “come on mummy, making the sandwiches, <DS name> chopping the tomato” I find it so strange the level of comprehension he can have but just will not engage in conversation much at all - more an out loud narration of what he is doing, what he has seen. Maybe I am just really boring him ha. When he does answer conversational type questions it is often by repeating what I’ve said (though he will sometimes answer himself - e.g. putting something in a cup of water and I say “what’s it doing in there” and he will say “having a bath”. But this is rare).

I have talked to nursery and we are going to have a meeting about it and his key worker said that he shared some blocks nicely with some of his peers today which is good.