Hi,
i'm really struggling with my daughters behaviour at the moment and as she is my first and only i'm not sure whether her behaviour is age appropriate (albeit strong willed) or there are signs of AuDHD and that i should be seeking support for her. I'd really appreciate some views as to whether this behaviour resonates with anyone, both in NT and ND children.
Development and Background
- met physical milestones early
- speech ahead of peers - talks non stop
- waved, clapped and responded to name at appropriate times
- cried up to 10 hours a day for first three months (during lockdown 😱)
- sleep issues for first 18 months - for long periods only sleeping 40 minutes at a time
The non worrying behaviours:
- Articulate and funny, understands facial expressions and has a great sense of humour.
- loves imaginative play
- enjoys nursery and is an angel there, likes to be helper and proud of achievements and 'good' behaviour. Zero concerns from nursery staff.
- great relationships with family members, loves cousins, grandparents and visiting houses.
- very few meltdowns unless extremely tired.
- no unusual sensory issues with clothes, lights etc.
- no repetitive behaviours
- generally happy and affectionate
- has never been physically aggressive apart from very rare occasions.
'Worrying' Behaviours
- controlling and angry at home. Will not do anything asked. Whines and crys for things but won't tell me what they are.
- popular and sociable but very picky with who she will play with. Dislikes certain children.
- empathy - if one of her friends hurts themselves she doesn't want to be near them but occasionally will show empathy towards me.
- if she falls or hurts herself she get very angry with me and does not want any comfort.
- when with me, wants only me and struggles to join in a group of children, and will become angry if suggested. Will join after a long period of time - sometimes hours and then does not want to leave
- constantly talks over me and will scream and shout and make loud noises if i speak to others, particularly her dad.
- has always been very shy with adults and children she does not know and will hide behind me/blank them. Even those she does know she will entirely blank if she doesn't like them.
- Will not say hello to nursery staff in the morning and entirely blanks and is mute. I'm told she talks non stop the moment i leave.
- Will not ever say sorry.
- Toilet trained for wees 12 months ago but will only poo in nappies. Withholds otherwise. Previously wouldn't even use nappies to poo and ended up impacted.
- if i try to talk to her about something she is not interested in e.g. how was her day at nursery, she will entirely ignore me and talk over me about something else..... also how she handle any form of discipline or boundries.
- 'play with me' constantly from the second she opens eyes. All imaginative play. Can not/will not play independantly even after hours of attention and one on one time. If i try to explain that i need to do a job or go to the bathroom she ignores me and continues the game but louder.
- every single request every day is a battle. Gets angry at any inconvenience or deviation from her play. Constant negotiation needed for the simplest of requests.
- competitive but gets very upset if she is not the winner.
- bribes/rewards do not work, it feels like she is too clever and is constantly trying to get around rules.
- seems physically unable to sit still ever eg. Balancing on one leg while eating..... ends up falling over a lot due to this.
- always right - asks a question and when i tell her the answer she tells me its wrong.
- - struggles with attention span. Will listen to a story than 10 seconds before forcing the book shut. Think this is only at home.
- not kind to others - if she hears another child wants to go on the slide she will make a beeline for it and sit at top not allowing anyone else to play.
- scared of various typical things - hand dryers, people going too fast on swings (herself and others), other people driving her in case they go too fast, aeroplanes. She will not try new things despite encouragement e.g. donkey rides, cable cars, swimming, showers Anything where she doesn't feel in control.
- can be picky with food, will not eat fruit, although will eat vegetables with encouragement.
I'm really torn by these behaviours. 50% of me thinks there is some sort of neurodiversity and the other half of me thinks she is a very typical threenager with a strong personality who has had complete undivided attention and needs stronger boundaries (something i struggle with). I am concerned that she only seems to show these behaviours with me and she may be desperate for more connection. She very much reminds me of those dogs who guard their owners, from the outside it looks like love but actually she feels like she owns me.