2y9m old boy behaviour at nursery

[Mamarua]

Hi all, my son is 2years9months and has just began Montessori. He’s never been to crèche/daycare/minder and is the first grandchild both sides so suffice to say, we expected an adjustment period settling in!

He bounced in the door his first day, very excited and we were thrilled. However, the rest of the week…. It was reported back to us that he was way overstimulated and overexcited and that they had experienced lots of shouting and throwing. As a result, he’d been getting movement breaks and eating lunch away from the other children. We were shocked to say the least. At home he is a very gentle, kind boy. He’s always been quite high energy but has never been physical. We told those close to us about this and everyone was very surprised. This Montessori is only 4 mornings a week and by Monday of week 2, it was suggested to us that we reduce his hours from 3.5 to 2.5 a day while he settles. We were told we may need to keep an eye out for adhd and that he might possibly need some support from a special needs programme to help him. This as all totally overwhelming to me, and felt like a lot to take it.

being concerned, we wanted to do what we could to support him at home as much as possible. But now our Montessori teacher seems to be avoiding us? She passes drop offs and collections on to a more junior teacher and seems to actively avoid me at the door. I’m now at a total loss and don’t know what to think.

can anyone offer any advice at all? I’m a first time mum and this is so far beyond what I know.

sorry this is so long and thank you for reading!! ❤️

This is difficult when you're not seeing these behaviours displayed at home, also hearing this information for the first time will come as a shock to you.

Personally I think that the nursery workers are the professionals and will have a good idea about child development so it is worth considering or looking into whether your child has a SEN need so you can access further support. Firstly I'd ask for a sit down meeting with the SENCo at the nursery to gather some more information and then go from there.

I'd ask to arrange a meeting with his keyworker or the room lead to discuss how he's doing and what you can do to support him.

How much has he been around other children? Playgroups, storytime at the library, toddler classes?

Thanks both 🙏

He’s not been around other children really at all, barring a few sporadic play dates where he is always the kindest little one, sharing and helping. Even when others have been physical with him, he tends to take a step back. This has been commented on by the nursery workers who say he’s keen to help the other children. He adores other children and always asks if he can go and say hello at the playground. His language is also excellent, despite the fact that he was a slow starter. He’s never stops now!

I think it’s the surprise of all this that has really got to me. I’m sick with worry that I’ve been missing something all this time. The nursery have told me that he’s a very happy healthy child but they have concerns about his overstimulation and excitement. He’s only at the start of week three this week so perhaps we need to give it more time but I’m just beside myself with worry.

I’ve never experienced a Montessori nursery but I’m assuming it’s all very child led with not much structure like in a traditional preschool? He might prefer a more structured setting and thrive with a routine instead.

I think it’s far too early to have even mentioned ADHD after only 2 weeks when he’s not even 3. I think it’s quite out of order really. They won’t diagnose children under the age of 5 as most traits can also be typical toddler traits at that age. Coupled with the odd behaviour from the teacher would be making me lean towards trying a different childcare setting.