Separation anxiety? Before sleep time. Experiences please.

[QueenGina]

DD will be 11 months in a couple of weeks time. She's always been very 'contented' and happy to sleep in her cot and will babble away to her toys before going off to lala land.

For the past 3 nights all hell's broken loose. She has been screaming and crying when I put her in her cot for naps and at bedtime. She'll stop when I go into her room (even when I don't touch her, just being in the room with her calms her down). We've dealt with this problem by co-sleeping for two of the nights, and on the other night she drifted off while I was in her room watching her.

She is teething at the moment and last night she seemed to be in a bit of pain as she wasn't comforted by my cuddling her and kept pulling at her own hair until I gave her some calpol. Her teething has never been so bad, so I wonder if she is in pain over something else? But she has no fever, she eats well and poos and wees normally.

The only other thing I can think of is that she's starting nursery next week and I've been a bit teary and anxious (though I've made sure never to cry in front of her) and I wonder if she is sensing this? Also, I went to visit my 6 week old niece the other day and dd got a bit funny when I carried the newborn and that was the first night we had the bedtime shenanigans.

Just wondered if anyone had any thoughts or experiences of this and whether I'm dealing with it in the right way? when I google separation anxiety, it says to go in and comfort them briefly, then leave again, but if I did this with dd she'd just start crying and I don't want her to cry herself to sleep or feel I'm abandoning her. Please someone tell me this is just a phase.

Sorry for the long post, I'm worried about dd and sad she seems to be in some kind of turmoil over something.

anyone?

Exactly the same experience here - my dd is 12months - started a good few weeks ago. Used to go down no problem and sleep through. Every night now is a whole shooting match getting her to lie in the cot - turns herself over and wants to get up. I think it is only a phase as she is doing the whole clingy thing, little bit strange with people when she never was before. Not much help to you I know. It's very frustrating.

Thank goodness I'm not alone in this. Was beginning to feel like there was something physically wrong and was going to take her to see GP.
What do you do to get her to sleep, jumperoo?

The HV said that it was because they are finding their feet and asserting their independance. I'm not sure about that but I find it really difficult. I have to confess that after lots of puting her back down to sleep and doing the whole control crying thing that I bring her down and put her in her buggy in which she drops off straight away - i then lift her up to her cot. I know it's not ideal but it beats her getting overraught and beyond tiredness with all the crying and handling.

oh poor you, jumperoo.
I spoke to my SIL about it and she gave me a book by Richard Ferber on controlled crying - it makes me hyper-ventilate even thinking about it. I take it the controlled crying didn't work for you?

Having thought about it loads this weekend and discussed it with dh, we're going to stay with her in her room and gradually move away from cot, out of her room, etc. Do it so gradually that there is no crying involved and help her understand that we're still around even when she sleeps.

Not sure about what your HV said either - I feel very much that it's not a case of their asserting their independence, but realising their independence from us as parents, and being petrified of that.

Good luck with getting through this phase, and let's hope it's short lived in both our cases!

No real success with controlled crying but wish you luck with it - they are all different as we know!

Sounds like you have a very workable plan to try so wish you look for that.

Woud be interrsted to hear how you get on!

My lo is 8mo and also started playing up a month ago at bedtime, she would go mad as soon as i put her in the cot and then when i gave in and picked her up she would actually laugh and be so happy. My DH and i decided to try the control crying thing after 2 weeks of this. It was absolute hell, im not going to lie but we had to make a pact that we were both going to stick to it because we didnt want to confuse her. It took 6 long and miserable nights for all of us and it did work although im not sure if its worth it! I found it sooo stressful. They do suffer seperation anxiety around a year old so i suppose reassuring them will make you both feel better.
Good Luck

hello Dimi, thanks for sharing.
My plan of action of moving gradually out of her room, as outlined in my last post, is actually working!
I haven't been working to a program, as such, just playing it by ear every night. Most nights I sit outside her room now and do a bit of MNetting on computer, or knitting, and if she starts crying, I tell her firmly that she is tired and to go to sleep, at which point she actually stops crying, puts her head back down on mattress to try and sleep! There have been a couple of nights when she was a bit ill and needed me in the room with her, rubbing her tummy or patting her to sleep, and one night in which we had to co-sleep so I had an early night.

I must confess, dd is a lapsed Gina Ford baby [please don't chuck anything at me!]. And so, as well as doing all the above, I returned to the Gina Ford routine, waking her at 2.30 from her afternoon nap, as opposed to letting her sleep for as long as she wanted, and having about 10 minutes of wind down time before bed, as opposed to putting her straight to bed after breastfeed.

At nap times, I can now put her down, leave her bedroom door open so she can hear me pottering around, and then she'll sleep. Long may this continue!!

Jumperoo - if you're still watching this thread, how's it going with you?