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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Head banging toddler

13 replies

pppuzzler · 18/04/2008 18:06

Hi everyone, my 14 month ds has long been a bit of a head banger (literally) if he got a bit frustrated, but now he's started doing it with a vengeance. If he doesn't get his own way or i think he just gets bored he cries and bangs his head on the cupboards or the floor really hard. It's so distressing and i can't help but pick him up, after which he's all smiles again so i can't help feel i'm not sending the right message.

He's not a sit down and play quietly for hours toddler. He's a very active, sociable and into everything one. I think he gets bored but i need to get on with things. We do go to babygroups or see other people every day bar one and we go into town or to the park most days so it's not as though he's starved of stimulus but he doesn't have any brothers or sisters. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal?(!) What did you do?

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joyfulspike · 18/04/2008 20:04

My ds does it especially if he doesn't get his own way. Its alomost as if its a way to make himself REALLY cry or get our attention.

as much as poss, we ignore it, unless he's in the middle of the kitchen or in the bath!

When he's stopped, I don't even mention it, just carry on as normal as if it didn't happen. As soon as we stopped hurrying to comfort him he stopped, although now and again he tries it just to check.....

Amber85 · 18/04/2008 20:05

I have experienced the head banging with DS2 he did it for about a year, thankfully now he doesn't do it (touch wood), I reacted the same at first but then it got to the point as soon as I left the room within 10 mins he was doing it again, tbh I ended up giving DS1 attention with an interesting toy then he stopped and came over to look, but in your case this is not possible so I must say I am stumped, although some kind of distraction may help? Could he be over stimulated? We have set boxes that get changed at intervals eg a box of duplo, a box of cars, a box of play food

hellion · 18/04/2008 20:41

My toddler is a head banger (he is 18 months). He will often do it if he doesn't get his own way, but sometimes I think he does it out of frustration.

I also try to ignore it. Although I have to watch the surface he is on. Carpets are fine, the tiled floor is not so good, and when he tried it outside on the concrete then it was time to scope and run.

I am hoping he will grow out of it! Someone I spoke to suggested it may be a way of them getting their anger out. But any other theories are welcome.

You have got to give them some credit - this display gives them instant attention as anyone watching just wants to pick them up. I need so much self control to ignore it, and to say to the gathering audience "leave him he is just having a paddy".

Smithagain · 19/04/2008 18:13

Mine did it at the same sort of age. She whacked her head on the floor when she was cross. And sometimes just for fun

I ignored for the first couple of months, then started getting a bit concerned and trying to distract her.

One day I realised she'd stopped doing it - not sure when - certainly by the time she was two. I suspect that stopping may have coincided with her learning to talk better, so that she could express her frustration, but I'm not really sure.

And she doesn't appear to have suffered any lasting harm!

blanktyblank · 19/04/2008 19:45

my ds did this also at around age two he used to get so frustrated because i couldnt understand what he wanted as he was a slow talker,he would do it so hard he would have the carpet imprint on his forehead .i found the more i tried to stop him the more he did it .try to ignore it and it will pass in time

Lizzzombie · 19/04/2008 19:50

My 14 mo DS also does this. I'm glad he's not the only one!
I have been advised to ignore it. He only does it when I tell him off. Like he is punishing himself. Its very odd. Or he will open his mouth and try to bash his mouth on the edge of the table (like he is eating it). Also, rather alarming. But hopefully he will grown out of it.

Original poster

pppuzzler · 19/04/2008 20:19

Thank you all. What a relief we are not alone! I have tried ignoring it but he just does it harder so it is a real battle of wills. I think i'll just try leaving the room (i.e. round the corner!).

He sometimes does the self-punishing head banging, which i agree is very weird, fortunately it is quite rare that he does it.

He also does the table eating thing, though thank goodness I think that is more of an experiment than anger as I would hate him to break those lovely new teeth. He tends to table-eat at the end of the meal when he has finished and is bored or when he just wants to get a reaction. I think they will do anything to get attention. He has started pretending to pick things off the floor with his finger and thumb then holding them up for me to see, so of course i immediately rush to see if it is something dangerous like glass or a nail (we have had a joiner in). Classic. They have us sussed!

OP posts:

bluenosesaint · 19/04/2008 20:24

My dd was an avid headbanger from around 12 months to about 2.

We ignored it wherever possible but sometimes had to put a cushion between her head and whatever she was butting (usually the kitchen cupboards) as we really thought she was going to knock herself out!!

hellion · 28/04/2008 14:34

I had another thought on head-banging. Completely non-scientific, but it seems to be worse when his teeth are coming through. Maybe it is the bad toothache that is making him bang his head sometimes.

He had another few bouts of it this weekend - no holes in the floor yet!

anonomousmum · 23/09/2009 09:48

Well, I am thinking I have a problem here! My son bangs his head and is often angry and says nasty things most days - he is 3 YEARS OLD and has been getting steadily worse to the current state for at least 6 months. It appears to me that the children here are much younger and that worries me - maybe my son should have grown out of this by now?? We have tried ignoring it completely right through to time-out step every time it happens. Nothing seems to work and if he's not hitting his head, he's being very aggressive in his manner anyway. Just don't know what to do anymore

He used to be such a happy boy, but seems hell-bent on aggression towards us and appears to have zero respect for either myself or my husband. His nursery always tell us he's great when he's there - I just don't know what to do or think about this anymore.

Jacksmama · 27/03/2010 18:33

Just thought I'd try to revive this thread because DS head-butts the wall or the floor or DH when he gets frustrated...

Mamafey · 19/04/2010 08:02

My DS is 20 months and has started head banging in the last 6 weeks. He s a very calm character and plays alone, good concentration etc...whenever he has sugar or watches too much TV he gets aggressive though and will run at walls and throw tantrums. Also if he's in open spaces i.e. big gardens or parks he runs and runs and if we try to direct his running or hold his hand he loses his cool. He s recently taken to banging hish ead against his cotbead bars if he doesnt get what he's asking for - quite frightening - is this normal?

BeautifullyScreaming · 19/04/2010 08:45

My DS will be 3 in July, he constantly banged his head from approx 12 months - when angry/tired frustrated.

At first we did give him attention but after a few months decided to completely ignore him which we did consistantly from that point onward.

We found that when his speech got better that it started to lessen and now he very rarely does it anymore.

When he started nursery we found that it came back again and when we talked to the nursery we found that they were picking him up and cuddling him so we asked them not to. They followed our directions and again it has abated.

Definitely for us it was just completely ignoring/leaving the room that made any improvements. We always made a fuss when he stopped it and came over to us.

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