Struggling to cope with my 3 year old

[Lockdownbaby2021]

I’m really struggling to cope with my 3 year old

I’ve held it together for weeks now but this morning I have lost it and I am in tears

the last 2 months he’s changed. he’s gone feral.

its a long story but he used to be so lovely and calm, he’s always been very spirited but controllable.

this morning the reasons I have totally lost it

• hes screamed in my face
• slapped me across the face
• punched me
• pulled my pants down
• pulled his 7mo brothers ear till he cried
• sat on his brother while in his bouncer
• wet himself on the floor even though potty trained and then laughed and jumped in it so it spread everywhere.

I’ve tried gentle parenting and when I say calm but firm ‘we do not hit, it is not kind’ he slaps me again in the face.

i don’t know why he’s being g like this, I feel like it’s all my fault. But I don’t feel like I’ve been a bad mum to him, I thought I’d done a good job 😭 I can’t stop crying. He can see I’m upset but is just laughing at me. I feel humiliated by my 3 year old

His little brother is so gorgeous and I’m worried he’s going to pick up his bad behaviour

Has anything changed in his life in the last couple of months? He obviously has a baby brother, but baby was presumably 4 or 5 months old when this started? New house? New nursery, more nursery, less nursery? Daddy changed job and around less? Favourite relative moved away?

I'd go a bit stronger on the no violence – you can still do this in a calm, gentle way. People don't want to be around people who hurt them. Move away from him, or if necessary, pop him somewhere safe (his room, the hallway, the buggy or car seat if out and about). I'd have a stock phrase you say, short, to the point, but as consistent and boring as possible – if he's hitting for a reaction, don't give him one. This isn't supposed to be a time-out, though. It's just about preventing him hurting you, so if he tries get your attention in another way, give it to him. He can have your attention – just not by hitting. He may in fact need a lot of reassurance as he 'comes down' from the big emotions.

Also give attention to the hurt one, so if he hurts baby, lots of attention for baby. Daddy or other relatives can help do this when he hurts you – minimum attention for him, focus on you. To balance that, lots of positive attention for him when he's behaving well, even if it's stuff you completely took for granted a few months ago, even if you have to try to catch that few seconds of being gentle.

I agree with the above! Definitely take a firm approach on the hitting, stay up from his level, try your best not to cry in front of him, be calm and short, we used “you won’t hurt me” to drive home it was not acceptable.

At this stage a “thinking corner” we learned didn’t work, as physically moving him there just allowed him to hurt more. Keep the house as clear as possible, removed ornaments from grabbing height, and move a good 6 feet away and allow him to just have the tantrum in peace!

We offer a hug, and a “you’re not in trouble, it’s okay to have feelings. But next time please don’t XYZ.” Over time he’s learned that he can control his hitting, or shouting etc because it’s fine to feel upset, but not fine to act out. I hope that helps xx

Thank you all for your messages.

hes still being very testing, but the last few days he’s had his old caring ways back again.
for example yesterday morning I brought him into my bed and he noticed a cut on my face and he kissed it and said ‘I love you mummy’ and then gave me a cuddle 😭but then he will have random outbursts of doing stupid things also however these are more manageable.

the one thing I did was remove YouTube kids from my phone. We had 1 major meltdown but I just said it’s gone now! I don’t know how some of the sruff is even allowed on there!

ive downloaded Disney plus on the tv instead and also CBeebies little learners and we’ve been watching movies together and since his mood has calmed down. I know it’s still screen time (we do get out the house too don’t worry) but I feel loads better about him not watching the stupid things that’s on kids YouTube!