Hi
I am interested to know if anyone has been in this situation. Without over explaining it, I stayed at an old friend's home at the weekend. She has recently done work on her house so her bedroom is now where the guest bedroom used to be. My DD asked to use a phone charger and I directed her to my room and said it was beside my bed. Unwittingly she went to the room that used to be the guest room, couldn't see a charger and so looked in the bedside cabinet, found one and used it. An hour later my friend was apoplectic that some had been 'rifling through' her bedside cabinet. She asked who had been in the room and my daughter innocently said, 'I have' as she really did not understand what she had done wrong. My friend then scolded her heavily - really shamed her in fact and when I saw this, knowing that there had been a mistake, I asked my DD, 'did you think we were staying in the old guest room'? to which, full of tears she replied yes. I could see my friend was really upset and tried to talk her down and explain that things might appear one way but might in fact that there had been a misunderstanding. She was having none of it and, to all intents and purposes had an adult episode and tantrum at me in front of the kids screaming that my daughter was a sneaky child and always had been and that she wanted to 'help' me with my parenting.... it was awful. I have since learned that she took my daughter aside and said - 'thanks to you, your mother and I have fallen out'. We are now home, my daughter knows that we believe her. She also knows that my friend is unhappy and that her own issues have led to this disproportionate response.
My friend is furious that I haven't apologised. I can't apologise for something that my daughter did not do. I can apologise that it happened and that it upset her but I can't apologise for something that my DD has not done.
Furthermore, I am furious that she thought it OK to talk to me and my child in front of all the other children in the way that she did.
I feel she is in a bad place and that she needs to explore what led to her rage. I feel she needs to see things from the other side and perhaps accept that my DD did make an error by going to the wrong room but that she did not go rifling through her bedside cabinet knowingly.
I feel that my daughter, the husbands and I and all of the kids are owed an apology.
My friend seems hell bent on villainising my DD.
It is truly upsetting.
I don't feel safe with her in the company of my DD at present.
We had holidays planned but I now don't want to go.
Our kids are very good friends and are torn up over it. She told her kids that it is sitting with me to apologise.
We have been friends for 25 years. I am so sad. I really don't know what to do or think.
I have decided to wait a week before I write to her about this.