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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

6 year old on road to being expelled!

19 replies

kimmc127 · 17/04/2008 15:52

Hi all,

Am new to this site and came on it to look for advice on behaviour in 6 year olds! My son is currently being an absolute horror at school and I am being called in and called at work all the time to list out just how awful he has been and we can't understand why he is doing it at school?

He is at the age of occassional answering back and when told off or disciplined at home responds 'I don't care' we have dealt with this with time out and withdrawing treats etc and we can overcome this at home, but he leaves home in the morning lovely and we ask him to be good at school etc, walks through the doors and becomes an utter demon!

I am distraught at the moment and don't know what to do with him, we are both so upset with his behaviour but its me that gets the phone call from school with the list of what he has done!

Has anyone had any success with the school process, a year ago he was similar to this and they bought in a behavioural psyh, who saw him, said he would come back in June and didn't bother, I have repeatedly asked them to get him back and now finally they said they will but that 'they can't see how it will help' should imagine it wouldn't help with an attitude like that?

Was thinking of going to the doc's to see if anything else we could do? Any help or advice appreciated

Thanks

Kim.

OP posts:

michie40 · 17/04/2008 15:57

sorry no experience of this yet - but it sounds like something the school is doing wrong - they need to find ways of working with you on this.

im sure someone will be along soon who is a bit more of an expert.

taipo · 17/04/2008 16:06

Don't have any experience although I am anticipating behavioural problems when ds starts school.

I wonder if it's the right school for your ds. It doesn't sound as if he's happy there and I don't think they are being very supportive by ringing you constantly. It also sounds as though they have given up on him which would make me think it's time to look for an alternative.

Have they actually said that they would expel him?

Blandmum · 17/04/2008 16:11

I think that you need to have a regular means of dialogue with the school about your son and his behaviour.

Can you talk to them and arrange a home/school comments book.

That way they can list all the things that happen on a day to day basis. this will allow you and the school to identify 'flashpoints' that spark his bad behaviour.

you need to agree with the school short term goals to improve his behaviour that need to be realistic. Things didn't get this bad overnight, and they are not going to get perfect overnight either.

they need to isolate 1-3 things that they would like to improve upon....so if your son is having trouble at circle time there is an agreement that he needs to 'behave' for 3 minutes of circle time (or if he can't do that 1 minute). link this to some form of soft reward....small things like a sticker from them or a hug from you (don't make it too big or if he loses it , I may be counter productive)

When those goals are met, agree another 3

and so on

taipo · 17/04/2008 16:20

That's really good advice MB.

Blandmum · 17/04/2008 16:24

the key thing is that they have to be small achievable things that will give the child the satisfaction of sucess. the tendency is for people to just say 'behave well' without giving the child guidance over what to do!

Or just to give them too great a target that is just going to lead to more and more frustration.

the sooner this can be put into place the better, it is never to late, but the older a child gets, the harder to break the cycle of behaviour.

Original poster

kimmc127 · 18/04/2008 13:19

Thanks so much for your responses and MB very good advice, I have today gone into school after a horrendous day with him at school yesterday and dreadful time at home last night!

We have devised a plan that we will monitor daily that combines both behaviour at school and home, so fingers crossed it will work!

They haven't actually said about being expelled but he has just got a behavioural order put on his file and I was delightfully told he is the youngest person the teacher knew of to get one - felt sooo much better when she told me that , especially from a teacher with NO children of her own!!

I am hoping that albeit slowly it will improve, to be honest it can't get any worse!

Thanks again for your comments, really helped!

Kim

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OrmIrian · 18/04/2008 13:23

How awful

Presumably he's in Yr 1? Was it like this last year? Might it be something to do with this specific teacher?

spudmasher · 18/04/2008 13:28

What 'behaviour' is he displaying exactly? Is he disruptive through moving around/ shouting out or is it to do with other children?
Does he like school? Are his lessons interesting enough?

Blandmum · 18/04/2008 13:30

Kim, I'm really sorry that you have had another awful day.

I'm glad that the school has taken your ideas on board, and having a joint approach is the very best way forward for your son.

I hope that things get better soon.

Just a couple of things to remember.....it isn't all going to get better miraculously so please don't get disheartened if he has a crappy day after a few good ones. Initially these things do well because of the novelty for the child, and then they may have a little set back, but keep on keeping on!

Make sure the school doesn't put in anything as a demand that is just too great for him to cope with, he is only little.

Lots and lots of positive reinforcement from the school, they need to 'catch him being good'

please let me know how things are going and if I can be of further help

Original poster

kimmc127 · 18/04/2008 14:42

We are giving him every encouragement and reinforcing good behaviour, his behaviour traits at school are:-

singing when he should be working
shouting out answers
throwing pencils in the air (or other objects)
saying N O to the teacher when told to do something and 'I don't care'

He is in year 2 (3rd youngest in class) has quite a low self esteem thing going on at the moment aswell which is so disheartening to see, we are trying everything we can to build it up!

Going back to school in half hour, dreading it to be honest!!

Kimx

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Blandmum · 18/04/2008 14:44

For the throwing things, is he a fidget?

If so could you get him one of those squashy balls to fiddle with (not to throw)?

Original poster

kimmc127 · 18/04/2008 14:51

He is quite a fidget, but when you ask why he throws things he says he doesn't know. He asked me about the squashy balls so must have been mentioned somewhere so will go on the look out this weekend!

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ahundredtimes · 18/04/2008 14:55

He sounds quite impulsive. Blue tack is good for fidgety fingers, and they can keep it in their pockets.

The singing is quite interesting. Do you think he understands what is expected of him? I know that sounds daft - but sometimes I think children this who are defiant like this when young, just actually don't understand what is expected of them and behave badly instead.

raye123 · 18/04/2008 15:10

Why isn't the special needs co-ordinator involved and organising positive behaviour charts and an IEP for him? I really think you need to ask the school what they are doing to tackle his behaviour there so you can back it up at home (going in with this approach will let them know you want to help). The Ed Psych should come back too, they can't just not follow up on a previous visit . School in the wrong, not you!!

Original poster

kimmc127 · 18/04/2008 16:16

I have been to collect him today and he has been very good today but seeing as I was in with the teacher this morning not a surprise, but nice that had a good day!!

The school do seem to be expecting all the answers from me and I keep turning it back to them to no avail but I had a good chat to his teacher this morning and we have devised a plan of action between ourselves for monitoring his behaviour in school, with small rewards for very good days, but equally something for any bad days.

So I can see a light but its annoyed me that I had to break down in tears in the school for them to put a plan in action!!

Maybe not the right school!!!

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jicky · 18/04/2008 16:30

Are you sure this is the right school for him/you ? When you said the school kept calling you I thought he must be being quite violent towards other children/staff or smashing things up. Although the behaviour must be really annoying and disruptive in class it doesn't strike me as something I would be expected to be called with a list of every day. Something to be talked over with at a meeting and then monitor (maybe using the book as MB suggested) but not calling parents at work about.

onwardandupward · 18/04/2008 16:56

I'd be thinking about moving school

or perhaps even more about home educating him for a while.

From your description, it sounds as if classroom culture is what he's not enjoying (shouting out answers rather than waiting, singing, not wanting to do the task the teacher wants him to do)

Wanting to offer answers to questions is a wonderful thing, not a thing to be squashed. And singing is a wonderful thing, not a thing to be squashed. And wanting to do what interests you rather than what a teacher wants you to do is a wonderful thing not a thing to be squashed. But they all have to be squashed in a classroom of 30 children, or it'll be carnage.

So basically, either your child has to be squashed into being someone much more docile and biddable, or you'll have a horrible school career for him, with him being the naughty disruptive one all the time, or you get him out and educate him at home and have a wonderful time doing it (and he sounds like a prime candidate for unschooling a la Sandra Dodds)

Good luck!

Original poster

kimmc127 · 18/04/2008 16:58

Well quite a few parents think their picking up on every little thing a child does is extreme, they are not very tolerant for a school!

He has been silly more than anything and very defiant to the teachers and because he disrupts in class by doing silly things and talking they don't like it!

We are considering taking him out of there and moving areas, but want them to realise that 6 year olds are just that and parents try their best!

I think they would be happier if they thought we were drug addicted, alcoholics, then they could blame us and they would be guilt free

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Original poster

kimmc127 · 18/04/2008 17:02

I agree onwardandupwards! I would love to get him away from their as he has learnt more with us than there. One teacher said 'I am so pleased we got him to read, he was being very lazy' had to correct her in saying his parents implemented alot of his reading whilst reading Roald Dahl books to him at an early age and encouraging reading at home. I refuse to let them take the credit for his achievements!!

I feel much more positive after all your comments, thank you very much, makes you realise you are not alone out there in Parentland

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