friend/neighbour yelled at DS1 yesterday, i didn't say anything at the time, but now feel it was out of order and should say something!!

[mabel1973]

Help!
yesterday at our local mum and toddler group DS1(3) was playing doctors with my neighbours DS (4), DS1 decided it would be a good idea to ram a thermometer down neighbours DS's throat. Obviously not the best idea, as I was in the middle of shouting to him not to do that, neighbour lept up from her chair ran over to where they were playing and started practically screaming at DS 'stop that now, don't ever do that etc etc.." I went over and told him he musn't do that, an was quite shocked by her reation, but i didn't say anything. Now having mulled it over I feel crap and that i have let Ds1 down by not sticking up for him and that her over reaction was totally inappropriate...I just want to get an opinion really, do I bring it up with her now ( I would never speak to another persons child like that, so I am quite angry about it), or do I just let it go?

She did over-react but I think that as you didn't say anything at the time its probably best to let it go.

I am still wound up about it....maybe I should avoid her for a bit til I've cooled down.

I think that if she felt you weren't dealing with it quickly enough - and her child was being hurt - then she perhaps felt that the only thing to do was to go over and deal with it herself.

I know you said that you were shouting over to him to stop it, but was he paying any attention to you?

I agree that as you didn't say anything about it at the time, then you can't really say anything now.

I do feel that if someone else's child is behaving inappropriately or dangerously, then I would deal with the situation myself. And I would expect others to deal with my children if I hadn't spotted their misbehaviour.

It's a tough one though, because you were actually dealing with it. Am just trying to see things from her point of view.

Agree with Dustystar - it would have been best to deal with her at the time really, but I would let it go now.

She was probably scared that her DS would get hurt, albeit accidentally, but she did over-react.

Cross her off your Christmas card list, and maintain the moral high ground.

I think Squonky's right. She might have been genuinely panicked by what was happening. Not to say her shouting at your child was right or ideal, but she perhaps felt she had to physically intervene - I would have done.
My Ds doesn't listen very well when I simply shout

I'd have to go there and act iyswim

I was dealing with it,....i guess the other issue here is we are very different in the way we are with our children, I am very much 'you're ok, pick yourself up no harm done' kind of parenting, whereas she reacts very emotionally when something happens.
She also is very good at turning a blind eye when it's her kids that are in the wrong, so looking at it more deeply I guess that's probably what's bugging me as much as anything!
But that aside....do you think it's ok to yell like that at someone else's child?

Sounds like she panicked. Kid ramming something down her child's throat - visions of it going down/poking a hole in the windpipe/choking...and she flapped and charged in. TBH , I'd probably have done the same, in a panic. It probably frightened her. No, she shouldn't have yelled, but if someone was ramming something down your child's throat - can you be sure you'd stay calm and rational? I doubt I would! Wouldn't your parental instinct be to yell - or even grab them and shove them away!! I'm sure she feels stupid now, and that she went OTT.

no. It's not ok, but it's an understandable reaction in the situation you described.

yeah, I didn't say it was OK for her to yell at your child - just that she probably felt panicked.

It's of course not ok for anyone to yell at a child.

Hmmm - you are right I need to let it go. Thank you for your opinions though!
I will, as humphrey says, maintian the moral high ground and be a vision of calm (whilst stewing underneath)

It sounds as though there are other issues that suggest you might want to give her a wider berth, if you can, as she winds you up and is very different - anyone who ignores their own child's behaviour yet jumps on yours, would wind me up too!

i'd say it was understandable too.
if someones child was ramming a thermometer down my ds's throat and the mum just shouted over to him instead of getting up to stop him, i'd be inclined to get up and intervene myself. might even shout at the child in my panic...

Probably as the realisation sank in that her child could have actually swallowed the thermometer and choked to death, panic set in and she overreacted. Not many of us would not react in the same way in the face of very imminent and real danger. Particularly if her child and yours play together a lot and yours might try to do this slightly out of your/her sight.

maybe i should have worded it differently, DS was pretending taking her ds's temperature with a toy thermometre (far too big to be swollowed or choked on) he got a bit carried away, her Ds had done exactly the same thing to my DS 2 minutes earlier. I think I probably did DS an injustice by saying he was 'ramming it'!