DD is a nightmare when LEAVING nursery.

[bozza]

DD is nearly 4 and at day nursery 3 days a week. The pattern is that I leave the house at 7.20am to get to work at 8 and DH does breakfast and nursery drop off. This enables me to leave work at 4.30 and pick DS up (from CM) at 5.10 and DD at 5.20. This allows more time for tea, chill out, DS's reading/spellings etc.

DD always really plays up and refuses to come home. Yesterday she decided she wanted to be the last one and kicked up a big fuss - as nursery doesn't close until 6 there was at least half a dozen children still there. Today she went and laid full length under the table (low child height table) and I had to drag her out by her feet. It is getting me down and I can't get my head round the incentive/punishment I should be using.

Then we have the fight with DS over who opens the gate, hit/kick DS in the car, refuse to sit in car seat properly (is in high back booster and is fine at all other times), refuse to get out of the car when home, cry because I don't wait for her etc etc.

Anybody any advice on this one.... Thanks.

I've often heard it said that kids hold themselves together when looked after by others and let rip when (usually mum) turns up. I've certainly had this experience when looking after children in my home - good as gold till mum turns up.

It's SO hard for the mum!

How about some sort of incentive waiting in the car or at home as a reward for a calm hometime?
A sticker chart might help too.

You could also practise it at home. Let her play the mummy coming to pick up a child and you play the child being picked up. You can act out the good and the bad scenario and ask her to tell you about it.

I did this acting out thing with DD (3) when she was having trouble letting me go at the start of nursery. We did it over and over and it really seemed to help her.

It's so hard for you at the end of a long day though!

Acting out idea very interesting. Not thought of that one. Also could try sticker thing. We were doing stickers for breakfast but that seems to be better these days. Will discuss with DH.

I do understand the bad behaviour thing after having to conform all day and have experienced it with both children previously. I could cope with all the extra stuff that she comes up with, it's the refusal to come home that is my real sticking point.

My 2.5 ds is the same. I dread going to get him because of this. Sometimes I carry him out kicking and screaming. Often, come to think about it! I try to entice him in to the car with promise of a drink and talk about how he can ride on his bike/see daddy/live life to the full when we get home. It doesn't usually work though and I feel so scheming and manipulative but can't think of how else to do it Surely it will pass

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Well we always have an extra 30 secs anyway if I have to drag her out from under the table or whatever. So trying to use the time to get a more acceptable exit would only be positive.

Yesterday I did try the bribery thing, that we had to go home and do her birthday invitations which she is very excited about. But didn't work.

Today I have gone for the option of sending DH who was away last night. So will see what he reports back.

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reasonably OK. DH said that she did a half-hearted attempt at escaping but he grabbed her. She is definitely worse for me than him.

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DS doesn't want to leave nursery sometimes - but really, just because he's having fun with his friends and he'd like me to hang out with him there.

Hi Bozza - we have been having much the same problem with dd lately. she is a bit younger (nearly 3) but we almost always have tantrums when I go to pick her up. I have started phoning ahead and the staff give her a 5 minute warning that I am on my way. It has really helped loads. If I ever forget to call we have melt-down again.

My 3yo has done this, although not so much recently. When I get to the nursery, the other children say: ''littlesky' - it's your mummy' but instead of running to me for a hug, as I have seen other children do, (well she sometimes does this but at other times) she pretends I'm not there. It is embarassing and then she won't put her coat on.

I have done the 'bye then' and walked out the door a fair few times and this does work in the sense that she then gets upset and runs after me. But I don't like doing it. When we do finally get out of the building, she runs straight across the car-park, away from our car and potentially in danger from other cars and I have sometimes had to pretend to drive off to get her into the car. It has been very bad at times and I have had to carry her off kicking and screaming once. She can be very cross and reactive in the car and crying. I have just had to ride it out. A lot of it does have to do with holding in any stress from nursery and then letting it all out with me.

I have seen other children behave like this to their parents. It has got better with dd since I spoke to her about it. I think the role-play would be a good idea. A simple reward chart specifically for this one thing might help too. I have used one of these:

up and down charts